“Dont cry, now that I’ve found you, don’t cry, take a look around you…

….Dont cry it took so long to find you
Do what you want, but little darling please dont cry”
-‘Don’t Cry’, by Asia.

 I know, I know, I’ve already written an entry today, but, at the moment, a million different thought rockets are blasting off in my head, colliding with each other; I find that talking, or in this case, writing about it, helps to slightly detangle the web of confusion.

Choir practice went well today. We were only there for an hour. We got two new songs that are quite easy, and we went over a song we already knew.

Damn.

It’s weird how fast things can happen. It’s like one day, the world is one certain way, and by the next day, it’s an entirely different place. Feelings spring up out of nowhere, like flowers after the winter chill. In certain areas, knowledge and realization simply fall upon your head like the introductory drop of a Spring downpour. 

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not damning this bizarre notion. It is, in fact, a welcome concept.
After all, it’s not often in life you can get important information by simply lying in the fragrant summer grass and watching the clouds go by.

Still.
Getting something dropped on you so fast can be a bit overwhelming.

It’s like baking a cake or cookies. If you stir in the ingredients one by one, mixing up the batter is much easier. On the other hand,  if you throw everything in all at once before giving it a stir, you’re going to be left with a big ball of confusion (or dough. 😉 ) that will take much longer to sort out.

Much like my current situation with Chad.

I like the guy, but I’m asking myself a lot of questions.
Why did he pick me?
What does he see in me? 
Is his liking me something recent that happened out of the blue, or was it a type of unrequited crush that has existed for longer?
Along with more questions of this nature, I’m asking myself questions I’m not sure I should be asking so soon in a relationship.

Take for example this weekend. On Saturday, Ellen (Chad’s ex wife) asked Chad if his parents knew he had a new girlfriend. Earlier today, another comment of that nature was made.
I was like *coughcough* “girlfriend? When did that happen?”

Earlier today, before choir, I was on the phone with Chad, and I told him about that. He said he was trying to get at a suggestion of that nature.

Okay. This type of thing has only been going on for a week (even though I’ve known Chad all year), so either we are driving 90mph in the slow lane, or Fate (and Chad) know something I don’t.

Hopefully, in the coming days, weeks, months, and possibly years, I will find the answers I so desperately seek.

I suppose I could relate it to the saying “If you love someone, let them go. If they come back, you know they’re yours”.

Sometimes, by simply lying back and watching the clouds go by, the realization will hit you.

Hopefully, next time I have a ‘Eureka!’ moment like that, the answer will be a little more clear. 😉

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2 thoughts on ““Dont cry, now that I’ve found you, don’t cry, take a look around you…

  1. Be very careful with your heart. Men of 30 who are freshly divorced are looking, generally, for very different things than women of 20. When you yourself are 30, a ten year age gap with someone who is 40 isn’t such a big deal, but at 20? It’s a huge chasm. Do you really want to be the rebound-right-out-of-divorce-bit-of-fun for someone? Make sure you’re guarding your heart.

    Be focused on yourself. You’ve written about your own troubles, which will invite comments from people who are concerned or have seen this before. Be focused on your schoolwork, getting a decent job, and, if you want a brighter future, on getting yourself, perhaps to a new place, literally.

    Be well. But be well with both eyes open.

  2. Wishing you good luck: hope things pick up for you, that you make it to the place you want to be. Gain strength from the people that love you – in the end, it’s these people that matter, not much else does, really.

    Merujos words are important. She’s a fine, caring person who obviously feels for you.

    I hope this relationship works out as you want it! Good luck!

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