And do you feel scared, I do, but I won’t stop and falter, and if we threw it all away…

……Things can only get better
-“Things Can Only Get Better”, Howard Jones.

Although I doubt that any of you are going through blog withdrawl, I will post one here for  your reading enjoyment, or disdain, whichever it may be.

To call today an interesting day would be a bit too kind, but it was ‘interesting’ nonetheless.

Besides being awake far earlier than any human should, today started off normal, for the days that I don’t have class, anyway. I made shortcake, as my mom requested, although I was too lazy to dive into her ocean of random recipe cards and cookbooks, so I just used everyone’s favorite search engine to conjure up a simple recipe.

I was informed my father would be coming home early, because my brother was supposed to have a school tennis match, so I had to make the shortcake and mess with the strawberries in the A.M. When I wasn’t making shortcake or cutting up strawberries, I was playing Sims 2, which happens to be my favorite pixelated escape (next to the internet of course. ^.~ ).

Well, the tennis match was cancelled due to high winds, so when dad got home, I accompanied him to town, where I was rewarded with a chai latte for all my trouble…

I had the pleasure of stopping at my workplace (or unworkplace as it seems to be going at the moment), and in addition to being closed when we arrived, they will remain closed until the 9th of April, for construction. I believe the construction has something to do with the water that’s been leaking from the ceiling, cause of the apartments above the restaurant.

You see, on the application, and by word of mouth, I informed them that most weekends, I would be available to work. But, for two weeks (in which I worked Saturdays), I had plans on Sunday, so I was unable to come in… I hope that hasn’t tarnished my fledgeling reputation with them. After that, they told me they would just call me if they needed me.

I’m sorry if I have prior plans and will not up and drop them like yesterday’s entertainment news.

I know I need money, hours, and experience, but if working means giving up the rest of my life, I’d rather be homeless.

I’m trying to be accomidating, I really am, but it’s not like I have bunches of experience working and ealing with employers. I’m trying to get it, and part of me wishes I’d started working earlier so maybe my knowledge in this area would be caught up to others my age.

I’m starting to believe I can’t get a regular schedule anywhere, no matter what I do.

I need this job, and the money, so terribly bad… With a restaurant like that, their biggest time of prosperity is the summer, and they even said themselves, it is going to be slow for a while. They’ll have me work on weekends until the summer, when I’ll be working close to 40 hours a week.

Think about it. If I work that much, I will be making a buttload of money. I will have to pay for gas, and start buying my own clothes, but I will finally be able to taste a bit of life on my own. I think I would be doing so much better if I wasn’t living at home, I really do.

On a related topic. Chad found a job, finally. He’s currently staying with another friend of mine and their parents (in the extra bedroom), but when he finds his own place, and if he is up to it, I am seriously going to push moving in with him upon my parents.
Think about it.
If I have a regular job, and a regular income, they might be a bit more forgiving with this idea. And screw living in the college dorms next year. I am through living in that cesspool of late youth. I’d much rather be living in a real apartment, not a glorified storage room. Besides, living in the dorms for a single semester most likely costs more than a year’s rent would in an apartment. And, if the rent is split between two people, the burden will be easier to bear.

It might seem like my mind is running away with me here, but I don’t think so. For once, I am being optimistic, and I’m trying very hard not to expect this to fall through, like most other things I am optimistic about. My parents call it negativity, I call it being realistic. To each his own. I know Chad and I haven’t exactly been seeing each other very long, it amazes me every day how alike we are.  ‘Birds of a feather flock together’ they always say.
Even if we didn’t work out. You don’t have to be dating someone to have an apartment with them, after all.

Still. I’m remaining hopeful in that area.

Now it’s back to job related worries, I’m afraid.

My father informed me of his latest ‘get me a job’ plan. I thought I was done with rabid job searching when I got the Picnic by the Lake one, but whatever. On days that I have class (M, W, F, from 11:10-12:10), I will start job searching no later than 1:30pm. On days that I don’t have class, I will start no later than 9 futher mucking A.M. And, I will keep a log of exactly what I do.

While I’d like to complain that he’s giving me all these adolescent requirements, I’ve probably earned them, so I have no room to bitch.

I’m not sure tomorrow is going to be so much fun. Oh well, what can you do… that’s life, I suppose.

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One thought on “And do you feel scared, I do, but I won’t stop and falter, and if we threw it all away…

  1. I’ve come back here several times today, trying to determine what I wanted to say to you. I’ve written several long comments, but I’ve changed my mind each time. I guess I’ll leave it with this: I hope you get your life sorted out. You need to take charge of things for yourself. If you’re considering moving into an apartment with a man you’ve just started dating, you’re no longer a child. No longer an adolescent. Get yourself a job that you can hang onto. Realize that restaurants need staff at their busiest times (weekends), and giving up Sundays with your friends is not a tragedy when you need money. And homelessness? I don’t think you really know what you’re talking about there. Take that from a woman who was within days of homelessness after being without work for several months of desperate searching. I’m now paying for that with bankruptcy.

    I’ve offered advice and compassion, but you seem hellbent on a course that does not scream success. Time to wake up and smell the coffee, Bluesilver.

    I wish you good fortune, but I think I’m done offering support.

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