I’ll sacrifice tomorrow just to have you here today…

Oh my dear lord.

I am tired. It’s not your normal, everyday tired, no it’s much more than that. For me, it is such that I think I have given a whole new definition to the word ‘tired’.

Yesterday was another one of those defective, overstuffed cars on the roller coaster that is my college life.

Granted, I was still a bit sad about the recent breakup, but I was doing better. A bunch of my friends were there, just chilling and having a great old time.

I’m even finding myself able to hold conversation with Chad without immediately wanting to burst out bawling. I don’t quite remember when it was, but I was talking to some friends about my situation. I made a startling discovery.

Chad breaking up with me was part of a plan to try to make Chad and Ellen’s failing marriage work. Ellen had someone else. They would both break it off with their respective interests, and then really give the marriage thing one final go. But no, things did not run as smooth as silk. It was more like, as smooth as a pufferfish, or a porcupine, perhaps.

Chad broke it off with me. I heard that it was Ellen who convinced him to do that.
Okay, so he broke it off with me by telling me ‘it wasn’t working between us’. I took it badly the first time, but granted, that was my first real time of being dumped (not counting that week when I was a sophomore in High School, lol). If one knows they must break up, but don’t want to hurt the other person, how on Earth do they go about it?

It’s a very confusing question, so I understand why Chad chose that vessel for the information he had to deliver me. At least he didn’t just come up to me and say “We’re done” and leave it at that.

Anyway, back to my point. Chad broke it off with me. The next phase of the plan should have been Ellen breaking it off with her other guy, but all of a sudden, she wasn’t sure she wanted to anymore. I’m sorry, but that sounds just a little bit fishy to me.

And now, she’s lost her final chance. I can completely see wanting to try and give the gasping marriage a final breath of air, to see it if would live. I took the breakup hard, but it did not kill me. I can see trying one more time, and having to break it off with me to do so.
What I cannot see is that Ellen so vehemently claims she really wants to make the marriage work, yet ‘doesn’t know if she wants to break it off with the other guy because she still has feelings for him’.

If you really, truly wanted to make a marriage work, there would be no doubt in your mind as to whether to break it off with your other interest.
Just the fact that she ‘wasn’t sure’ or not should put up about a thousand little red flags in one’s mind.

I will state it again. I can see the last chance, but she pissed it away, and it really was her final chance.

No more reconciliation. No more pleading. No more denial that your marriage is ending.

Sure, you may get along for a little bit, but how long would it be until the same thing would happen again. Consider the three children. I know from experience that up and down times like that can screw a kid up.

Are mommy and daddy getting along this today? If they are, tomorrow is sure to be a doozy on the argument scale.

I know you can’t only think of the kids in a situation like this, but they are one important factor.  What is best for the kids? Driving the marriage up and down like a drunken airplane pilot? Or, perhaps, ending it, even though that may not be the most desirable option. It has happened before. Sometimes people love each other, but simply cannot live together and be married.

Divorce does not have to be such an ugly word.

Sure, maybe the kinks could be ironed out for a little bit, but if all it’s going to be is a series break ups and make ups, maybe it is best that the marriage be ended now, before it gets even harder to end.

I’m sure divorce is not an easy thing. Like breakups, they are rarely easy, but sometimes, they are needed, and in the best intrest of the parties involved.

I’m not necessarily saying that for this case. I don’t know, I’m only 20, and some of what I know is what I hear, not just from Chad and his friends, but from people who know Ellen as well.

And I am by no means trying to project this image that marriage is a perfect institution. It is not. I realize that. Many marriages come close to divorce? I’m not sure I believe that. Sure, married people get into a lot of fights. A lot of fights, but judging from my own parents, and the parents of my friends, getting close to divorce does not happen all the time. It may happen sometimes, I’m not saying it doesn’t, but it does not happen all the time.

I just can’t believe she would do something like that to him.

I told Chad flat out: She does NOT deserve someone like him. The way she’s treated him has appalled me. It’s not like he has enough adversity piled onto his back without her and her behaviors, on top of all of it.

Even if he doesn’t end up with me. I would be a liar to say that I didn’t hope he ends up with me, because my feelings are so, but even if his breakup, divorce, or whatever doesn’t end with him being with me, he needs to get out of this marriage right now, before it gets any more difficult.

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