My brain is like a sieve…. an apology of sorts.

Well, I’m writing yet another entry in response to comments I’ve gotten.

I’m sorry if I’ve been writing things in here that make the people involved uncomfortable. It’s true that I only know one side, I am not trying to act like I know everything. I’m terribly sorry if that’s how I’ve come across. In all actuality, I’m not really used to all that many people reading this at all. I guess I just haven’t had problems in the past involving the people I write about in here. Quicken, sorry I deleted your comments, I did so in an angry huff and regretted it afterwards.

I will stop writing things I do not know the entire story to. I just feel like my side is what I know, though, and I generally write about my day in these, but I will try to refrain from that (writing things I don’t know the whole story about) in the future.

I’m sorry if I’ve been acting like I knew everything. I am somewhat of a social retard, a lot of times I need to be told I’m doing something like that, or else I never figure it out. On top of the social retardation I seem to have sometimes, I think I am somewhat ADHD. I want to set up an appointment next time I see the shrink, so I can get tested for such a disorder. Because honestly. I was looking on various sites, and an alarmingly large number of the characteristics were ones I possessed. Plus, my dad works with a guy that’s ADHD, and a lot of his behaviors are ones I exhibit.

Who knows what’s wrong with me at this point…

Anyway.

My moods have been riding a roller coaster lately. Who knows why, probably because I’m a woman. ^^;

I would like to, again, thank people for their advice. I’m all confused though, I guess it’s a part of growing older. I know that people need their space, and I’m trying my hardest to give it to them, the thing about moving in with people is speculation at this point. Who knows if I’ll actually have enough money to move out of my parents’ house? And my friends who are in the apartment market, their futures are still up in smoke at this point. They don’t know if they’ll be here next year. They don’t know where they’ll be living, and such.

I’m just spouting off ideas. It will probably be a long time before any respective significant other moves in with me, I realize this, I’m just stating it as a possibility, if they have nowhere else to go. I like getting people’s insight, but the rebel in me almost wants to leave it be and figure things out for myself. Right lot of good that’s done me recently…

Hell. Even my future is up in smoke. I want to give full time schooling one final countdown before throwing in the towel, but if I can’t get financial aid, the best I’ll be able to do is part time schooling.

Still, I think if I moved out of the house and got a roommate or two, I’d do so much better in a lot of areas. I’d have to cook for myself. I’d have to clean for myself, I’d have to work, and help pay the bills… It’s almost like I haven’t had a chance to prove I can make it semi independently, so I want to prove it to my parents, friends, but most of all, I want to prove it to myself.

Damn! This is all so confusing!

I feel like I have been late in learning life lessons. Things I am going through right now, some of my friends went through at 17 or 18. I am trying to learn as many life lessons as I can, from simple things like how to make spaghetti (which I did earlier tonight), to learning to manage money and time. Which makes me think of a symptom of ADHD I’m sure I have. I can picture a clean room in my mind, but I lack the organizational skills to make it happen. It’s like that in other areas. I relate that to my blunders in HS and college. I could see the plan of how it would work out, it was just executing the problem that was, well… the problem! ^^;

Damn.

Anyhoo. I would like to once again thank people for their input. I generally take constructive criticism hard, I’m not sure why.

Which makes me think. How can I be so utterly aware of my social and otherwise abnormal issues, and have no power to change them, as hard as I try?

I don’t know… The breakfast in my brain is scrambled at the moment.

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