Love is more than a one way reflection…

As if my library of drama needed another volume.

So, if you read this regularly, you know the recent forest of drama I’ve been struggling through with this broken machete of sorts that I seem to posess.

You know how I’ve been trying to contact Chad, right? I haven’t had any luck, with the exception of a 2 minute phone conversation yesterday. I was just about to ask him about the myspace bulletin he wrote when the phone died on me.

That left my mind to go off on it’s own negative tangents. These cause me so much stress that I am litterally nauseous beyond belief. If I am having so much stress that I get sick, I’ve got a problem. Still, today, I got a call from Chad’s phone. It was his wife. She said that ‘chad was at the computer with a pretty little girl, so I could move on now’ and hung up.

Thing is, I don’t know that I can believe her. It is NOT like Chad to ignore me for days. He ignored me for a night, because he didn’t feel like talking to anyone, but it is not like him to act like this.

And proof? What proof do I have that Chad was indeed sitting at his computer with a pretty little girl? It could have been his little girl Gracie. It could have been one of the many females that our group like to hang out with.

Thing is, knowing what Ellen has told me in the past, I’m not so sure I can believe her.

Still. I don’t know what to think anymore.

I just want some answers. Even if Chad doesn’t like me as more than a friend. I deserve to be told what’s going on.

Does he want someone else? Has he really been trying to ignore me, or is that Ellen’s doing?

He can’t be afraid to protect my feelings. He can’t be afraid how it will affect our friendship.

Trust me, sweetheart, it will hurt our friendship more if you remain silent.

I just want some answers. After I get the answers I deserve, I will leave you to live your life, or I will stay in it, whichever option you feel is best.

I love you, Chad. I’m not going to lie. I feel very strongly for you, and I would not be so worried about you unless I felt so strongly. Even so, if you want to just be friends for now, or forever, I’m sure we can work something out.

Just, please, do not think that ignoring me will make me forget this problem. I cannot forget. Ever since I read that bulletin, my mind has thought of little else, and my stomach has been in a gigantic knot; I am litterally making myself sick because of all the stress I am feeling at the moment.

I may be making a big deal for nothing, but until someone gives me some answers, my condition will only worsen.

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