I know what it is that made us live such ordinary lives, the where to go, the who to see, no one could sympathize, the smile has left your eyes.

-The Smile Has Left Your Eyes, by Asia.

So anyway.

It’s been a bit since I’ve updated, so I will now, because I don’t feel like going to bed  yet.

I wrote an entry the day before yesterday, but it didn’t get saved. The reason: We have two computers. The one I’m on is wirelessly connected to our first computer. That computer must be on for this one to get internet 99% of the time. Mom turned off that computer, not knowing I was still writing. That entry was really long, and it seemed like I spent forever on it.

Needless to say, I was a little pissed when I discovered that not only did the entry not submit, it didn’t get auto saved either (not after the first paragraph, anyway).

I don’t remember a lot of what I wrote either, except the part about my first day of working at Heartland Inn, which was Thursday. It went fairly well. I palled around with an older lady for the four hours that I worked. By the end of the day, I cleaned an entire room, by myself.

The first bathroom I cleaned myself, the lady told me I did good. On the room, she said I did a great job. So that made me glow a little. 

Friday went alright, also. I palled around with the older lady again, since I didn’t feel I was ready to take on cleaning the rooms by myself.
A room I did myself got a two dollar tip. “Tips” is a word used very sparingly around the hotel housekeeping circut, so I was proud of myself.

For the most part, today was even better. The older lady worked again today, and the first room I did was on the same floor, so we shared the maid cart. After that, I was on my own. Which was alright. I had three check outs to do, and a stay over. Since stay overs are generally much easier and go much faster, that room got saved for last.

I’m almost sorry I did though, because the bathroom was gross. There were these weird green stains on the sink, and there were all sorts of carrot peelings and such in the bathtub. It was gross. Luckily, the guy who was staying there came up while I was still cleaning it, and said I didn’t have to finish.

Anyway. I’ve been doing alright in my life, I guess. I don’t cry myself to sleep every night like I used to (knowing the one you love doesn’t return the favor any more does that to you).

I can be so emo sometimes. *eye roll*

I’ll get over you, I know I will. It’s happening day by day, but that doesn’t keep me from being lonely. I just want someone to cuddle with and casually date, is that so bad? I’ve never really casually dated. The good men are so few and far between that when I actually meet one that somewhat reciprocates my feelings, I fall hard.

I don’t wish I couldn’t love so strongly; I simply wish it wouldn’t happen quite so fast.

I war with myself. On my negative, pessimistic hand, I am saying, ‘Don’t put too much stock into this one, he probably won’t last’, but on my much smaller optimistic one, I’m saying ‘You know what you feel, have hope for this one; maybe the reason your relationships don’t work is because you don’t believe’.

So, what seems to happen when I give in to my optimism?

Something crappy, that’s for sure. It is for that reason I find it hard to curb my cynicism. Oh well. That’s life for you.

I’m just lonely, dammit. Even hanging out with friends would be fine. But, most of them are 30+ minutes away. If gas wasn’t so expensive, and I didn’t have to work tomorrow, I’d try to set something up.

Still. Vanessa is closing tonight at Dairy Queen, so I wouldn’t be able to call her anyway. And, I only have Jenny’s and Chad’s numbers, since the family got new phones, and I didn’t have time to write down numbers from my old contact list. And, since Jenny is most likely busy with work or life, and I already talked to Chad once today, I’m pretty much stuck here.

Dammit. Even though I’m not with him anymore, I miss Chad; not to mention all my other friends. Before school ended, we kept saying we wouldn’t lose touch and all that jazz, but guess what’s happening? If it wasn’t for my persistant boredom, I probably wouldn’t have talked to anybody, other than my family and my few co-workers. I felt so unloved. Even if we can’t hang out in person, they can’t even call me for five minutes to see how I’m doing? It torked me off a little. Not too much though, because I figure, they’re busy, they have better things to worry about than calling me.

Still. That doesn’t make the fact that none of them have called me any less depressing.

Anyhoo. I have run out of semi interesting things to say, so I will update you all at a later date.


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