I can bitch, I can bitch
`Cause I’m better than you
It’s the way that I move
The things that I do…”
-The Bitch is Back, by Elton John.
I’m feeling a tiny bit contemplative today, so I decided to write a blog.
I think I have problems trusting people.
What brought this to my mind, you may ask? It was my back injury situation. When I was in super ultra bad pain, my parents kept trying to move me, and I wouldn’t budge. They kept saying I had to trust them, but I wouldn’t. I wonder why.
I don’t know why I don’t trust my parents; I just don’t. Like I’ve said thousands of times before, I do appriciate them and all, but I don’t really love them. We don’t have to love to trust, though that sometimes helps.
It’s strange, though. I trust and love my friends more than I do people I am actually related to. There are lots of issues that I talk to my friends about that I would not dream of mentioning to my parents. I don’t know. I’m odd like that, I guess.
Well, today was another shocker on the richter scale of my life. [/lies]
Actually, not a whole lot went on… My mom was going to take me to town today for a bit of clothes shopping, but the impending weather related doom stopped us from going anywhere. Incidentally, I have a mental health center appointment tomorrow, so it actually works better that we’re just going tomorrow instead.
Speaking of which. I need to stop by work. My boss called today and was all why haven’t you stopped by yet etc etc etc… Um, I was pretty much in pain from that day I left work early until early this week. I was supposed to call last Thursday, but I was too busy hurting like a bitch to worry about calling people.
I’d left my cell phone upstairs, and I wasn’t going to go through that much pain just to hobble up the stairs to retrieve it. I mean damn, if the company had really wanted to get a hold of me, they could have looked up my home number, the armchair I spent most of that time on was right next to a damn phone… Jeez people… Anyhoo. I need to stop by work and turn in the note I got from the doctor, and bring the reciepts from my medications, to see what of that money I can get back through workman’s comp.
Anyway. My nostalgic contemplations on the past romantic front were a little less today, but still there. Is it always going to be like this? I mean damn, I don’t see myself ever being completely over this.
Even if I find someone else somewhere down the line, I’m always going to look back on that and wonder what the bloody hell I was doing. I’m always going to feel bitter about it. It almost feels like I will constantly be replaying the events in my head and wonder if I did something different, would the outcome have changed as well?
Oh well. I might never find out. That’s a bit of a scary thought.
Anyway. Things I have to do tomorrow, for my sake. Mental Health Center. Clothes shopping. I might call a few of my friends, just for shits and giggles, since I haven’t talked to any of them in ages.
Anyhoo. I’m going to bed now… Good night.