“I’m a bitch, I’m a bitch, oh the bitch is back, stone cold sober as a matter of fact…

I can bitch, I can bitch
`Cause I’m better than you
It’s the way that I move
The things that I do…”
-The Bitch is Back, by Elton John.

I’m feeling a tiny bit contemplative today, so I decided to write a blog.

I think I have problems trusting people.

What brought this to my mind, you may ask? It was my back injury situation. When I was in super ultra bad pain, my parents kept trying to move me, and I wouldn’t budge. They kept saying I had to trust them, but I wouldn’t. I wonder why.

I don’t know why I don’t trust my parents; I just don’t. Like I’ve said thousands of times before, I do appriciate them and all, but I don’t really love them. We don’t have to love to trust, though that sometimes helps.

It’s strange, though. I trust and love my friends more than I do people I am actually related to. There are lots of issues that I talk to my friends about that I would not dream of mentioning to my parents. I don’t know. I’m odd like that, I guess.

Well, today was another shocker on the richter scale of my life. [/lies]
Actually, not a whole lot went on… My mom was going to take me to town today for a bit of clothes shopping, but the impending weather related doom stopped us from going anywhere. Incidentally, I have a mental health center appointment tomorrow, so it actually works better that we’re just going tomorrow instead.

Speaking of which. I need to stop by work. My boss called today and was all why haven’t you stopped by yet etc etc etc… Um, I was pretty much in pain from that day I left work early until early this week. I was supposed to call  last Thursday, but I was too busy hurting like a bitch to worry about calling people.

I’d left my cell phone upstairs, and I wasn’t going to go through that much pain just to hobble up the stairs to retrieve it. I mean damn, if the company had really wanted to get a hold of me, they could have looked up my home number, the armchair I spent most of that time on was right next to a damn phone… Jeez people… Anyhoo. I need to stop by work and turn in the note I got from the doctor, and bring the reciepts from my medications, to see what of that money I can get back through workman’s comp.

Anyway. My nostalgic contemplations on the past romantic front were a little less today, but still there. Is it always going to be like this? I mean damn, I don’t see myself ever being completely over this.

Even if I find someone else somewhere down the line, I’m always going to look back on that and wonder what the bloody hell I was doing. I’m always going to feel bitter about it. It almost feels like I will constantly be replaying the events in my head and wonder if I did something different, would the outcome have changed as well?

Oh well. I might never find out. That’s a bit of a scary thought.

Anyway. Things I have to do tomorrow, for my sake. Mental Health Center. Clothes shopping. I might call a few of my friends, just for shits and giggles, since I haven’t talked to any of them in ages.

Anyhoo. I’m going to bed now… Good night.


One thought on ““I’m a bitch, I’m a bitch, oh the bitch is back, stone cold sober as a matter of fact…

  1. Hmm – you talk about love as it it’s always roses and parties. In a family setting it’s not like that at all.

    Your families love for you can manifest itself in many ways – from praise for good results, praise for bad results – to shouting at something you think is good and experience has taught other family members doesn’t work. Family who love you will tell you the best course of action they think you can take. Don’t consider this as anything else but their help.

    You don’t have to take it on board of course.

    My experience is that you commit to love your family members, whatever the consequences: BUT – remember – you don’t have to (nor can you expect to) like them all.

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