-Queen, “Save Me”.
I was trying to be your friend…..
I seem to remember, during that what, two weeks we ‘dated’ you saying “What? Are you afraid I’ll go back to her?”
I should have been.
And… I am really sorry I didn’t listen to people then. We honestly thought it was over. Yes, I should have waited. And I’m sorry for that, alright? I really am.
But.. you know….if you wanted to quit being friends with me, you should have said something.
Maybe you should be man enough to tell me these things to my face instead of complaining to your wifey and letting her bitch at me through the internet. And writing this blog isn’t a great example of that, except I know she thinks she needs to police it in case I write something about her marriage.
So, fine. I won’t be his friend; you can celebrate, because you’ve won. I won’t even look at him because I’m sure there is some fucked up Christian ideal about looking at thy neighbor’s husband too.
Besides… truthfully, it’s been hard for me to tell myself that he’s just a friend… so… I didn’t want to have to do this, but I might end up just ignoring him completely; I’m not sure I can be just his friend, even though I’ve tried.
I’m just sorry for the whole thing. You know that saying that says “Better to have loved and lost than never loved at all?”
It’s fucking wrong.
I wish I’d never met Chad, then none of this shit would be going on and I wouldn’t be pissing so many people off. I’m a defensive person, if you haven’t realized, and this can make me just spout off angry jibberish at people without thinking about it.
Which is no excuse.
I’ll just come outright and say it.
I’m a pathetic, good for nothing scum of the earth, okay? I have no worth! If I died tomorrow, I doubt many people would miss me, really. So, you do deserve him, then, if you’re worth anything at all compared to me, which… it’s not hard to surpass my worth in the world. I’m worthless, okay. So go ahead and ignore me. I’m fine with that. I could just pass quietly into the shadows, and nobody would notice anything, except how great the world is now that they’re not forced to be in contact with me.
I’m just sorry I didn’t realize how worthless I was before. I would saved you so much crap, it’s not like you need it.