I’m gonna make a change for once in my life, it’s gonna feel real good, gonna make a difference, gonna make it right…

-“Man in the Mirror”, Michael Jackson.

Well, hello there. My last entry found me discussing Tim issues.

If you’re wondering at all, he still hasn’t replied to me at all. I haven’t made any attempts to contact him, because I wanted to see what he would do. As I expected, though, silence and utter nothingness has been all that has greeted me in this area.

And. I can honestly say it isn’t bothering me nearly as much as I would have thought after writing my last entry.

Well. Not to press my new old obsession upon you, but to quote Michael Jackson:

Don’t you come walkin’-
Beggin’- I ain’t Lovin’ you
Don’t you get in my way
there’s a time when you’re right
And you know you must fight
Who’s laughing baby, Don’t you know?
And there’s the choice that we Make
And this choice you will take
Who’s laughin’ baby
So just leave me alone

“Leave Me Alone”.

It’s how I feel about it, really. I did worry about it for a day or two, but then after that, I realized it’s not worth it. I’m not going to sit here and ponder it forever. That’s because I know it didn’t bother him at all, or else he’d have, at the very least, tried to contact me.

As it is, though, I continue to hear nothing, and if he turns out like Jacob where I never hear from him again, I can honestly say that I wouldn’t have a problem with that. I am a little torked off that I got him a hallmark card, and now things are as they are. And, it doesn’t even get to me that much, it’s more symbolic than anything else. A little annoyance at investing time, energy, and cell phone minutes on him only to have my efforts wasted. Good thing I only signed the card’s envelope [that got torn up and thrown away]. As for the card, it will be stashed away until I find someone who deserves it. And yes, that little statement could be taken symbolically as well.

Anyway, let me get to the real reason I wanted to write this entry. As you may or may not know, for the last three days, I have exercised for a half hour a day. And, I’ve drastically cut back the amount of food I’ve been eating. While I’m nowhere near what I’d like to be at eventually, it’s a start, and a big step for me, at that. I didn’t exercise today but I’ll get to that in a bit. It’s just, lately, I’ve felt inspired and motivated, and for no reason that I can think of, except maybe my music. 

I’m not sure if I’d ever be motivated if not by the music that I listen to. Lately, Queen, the Beatles, and Michael Jackson have been the most inspiring.
I suppose another motivating factor is, if one is looking to get into music themselves, it helps if they aren’t fat. Which, I know a lot of larger folk that have amazing voices, but I assume it’s easier to get your foot in the door if you’re not (no pun intended, lol). Knowing how great I’ll feel when I transform my body could be the motivation I guess.

Okay. So, after my night class lastnight, I decided to stop at the OK House to see a few of my friends. I had lots of fun singing their small selection of Kareoke songs. I talked for a bit with a few of the people there… While there, I got a lovely idea from my friend Lillian. She mixed a bit of hot chocolate mix with the coffee in her cup.. I decided to try it, and I loved it. So much that I had a total of five mugs of it.

Which made for a sleepless night, and symptoms of caffeine overdose, I found out early this morning. I read a bunch of stuff about caffeine all around the internet…
I would have only had about 500mg of caffeine total, and that’s nowhere near the amount to be harmful, just a little annoying. Plus, my acid reflux has been acting up a bit anyway… Caffeine can aggrivate it a bit, but even decaf coffee can set it off, so that’s probably why it’s bothering me today. Well, that and the fact that I didn’t get any sleep whatsoever lastnight, and I was only able to pull off a 10-20 minute nap today (I have trouble sleeping when it’s light out, even if I cover up my eyes, it’s weird).

But, yeah. I just wanted to get a little update out there.

Still no word on the K-mart or hospital cafeteria jobs, but I’m remaining hopeful. If I got the cafeteria job, I’d have health insurance. If my acid reflux were still bothering me more than normal, I could make an appointment to get some more of the medication I was given for it when I first discovered I had it.

So. Despite my eyes being a bit dry, and having a headache, I am in good spirits.

Until I have something else interesting happen to me, au revoir.


2 thoughts on “I’m gonna make a change for once in my life, it’s gonna feel real good, gonna make a difference, gonna make it right…

  1. Your job as a future mother is to learn the god’s ways and to help your child understand despite the negative reinforcement and conditioning of today’s society. Without consciousous parents the child will have no hope, and may even exaserbate their disfavor by becoming corrupted in today’s environment.
    Your ultimate goal is to fix your relationship wiith the gods and move on. You don’t want to be comfortable here, and the changes in Western society in the last 100 years has achieved just that.
    1000 years with Jesus is the consolation prize. Don’t be deceived into thinking that is the goal.

    Much like the other prophets Mohhamed (polygamy/superiority over women/misogyny) and Jesus (forgiveness/savior), the gods use me for temptation as well. In today’s modern society they feel people are most weak for popular culture/sensationalism, and the clues date back to WorldWarII and Unit731:TSUSHOGO, the Chinese Holocaust. They used this Situation to bury Japanese atrocities.
    It has been discussed that, similar to the Matrix concept, the gods will offer a REAL “Second Coming of Christ”, while the “fake” Second Coming will come at the end and follow New Testiment scripture and their xtian positioning. I may be that real Second Coming.
    What I teach is the god’s true way. It is what is expected of people, and only those who follow this truth will be eligible to ascend into heaven as children in a future life. They offered this event because the masses have just enough time to work on and fix their relationship with the gods and ascend, to move and grow past Planet Earth, before the obligatory xtian “consolation prize” of “1000 years with Jesus on Earth” begins.

    The Prince of Darkness, battling the gods over the souls of the Damned.
    It is the gods who have created this environment and led people into Damnation with temptation. The god’s positioning proves they work to prevent people’s understanding.
    How often is xtian dogma wrong? Expect it is about the Lucifer issue as well.
    The fallen god, fighting for justice for the disfavored, banished to Earth as the fallen angel?
    I believe much as the Noah’s Flood event, the end of the world will be initiated by revelry among the people. It will be positioned to be sanctioned by the gods and led for “1000 years with Jesus on Earth”.
    In light of modern developments this can entail many pleasures:::Medicine “cures” aging, the “manufacture” of incredible beauty via cloning as sex slaves, free (synthetic) cocaine, etc.
    Somewhere during the 1000 years the party will start to “die off”, literally. Only those who maintain chaste, pure lifestyles, resisting these temptations, will survive the 1000 years. Condemned to experience another epoch of planet’s history for their ignorant pursuit of xtianity, they will be the candidates used to (re)colonize (the next) Planet Earth, condemned to relive the misery experienced by the peasantry during history due to their failure to ascend into heaven before the Apocalypse.
    Never forget:::It is not a house of Jesus.
    If this concept of Lucifer is true another role of this individual may be to initiate disfavor and temptation among this new poulation, the proverbial “apple” of this Garden of Eden. A crucial figure in the history of any planet, he begins the process of deterioration and decay that leads civilizations to where Planet Earth remains today.
    Which one is it?:
    One transitions into the other, allowing the gods to wash their hands of obligation to their Chosen One. My personal “consolation prize”.
    And since the gods never committed despite tens of billions in mass media, product development and natural disasters/tragedy they will employ the freedom they positioned into the Situation and CHEAT me out of everything.
    Unfortunate for me, the gods can claim they never intended this, despite being control freaks who guide everything specifically and have the power to force it with AI, and now they are free to fuck my brains out, just as they did throughout my childhood.
    The gods were pimping me when I was a 3 year-old boy, forcing oral copulation upon the innocent, only to exploit me and cash in decades later.
    Pre-pubescent prostitution is rampant in black communities. Now we see where it comes from. The gods are fucking pimps and take whatever they want.

    Consistant with “reverse positioning” understand the REAL Second Coming would equate with The Matrix’s Anti-Christ, the fake battle of good and evil which will come at the end.
    I have spoken on this issue in years past. Understanding how they use the political encviornment to redefine people’s value system, realize anyone who speaks of the old world and its ways will envoke hatred. So when/if the Anti-Christ comes along speaking of reverting back to what liberalism would consider repressed and immoral, it may be the only hope to salvage the god’s favor and keep moving forward rather than begin the 1000 year clock. The fake Second Coming will feed into this political enviornment.

    So many theme oriented movies lately. Pills that make you smarter, now a movie focussed on time, immortality. The gods are taking steps in preparation for the Apocaplypse, 1000 years with Jesus on Earth.
    The gods are preying on the people, ramping up temptation and compelling them to engage in behavior which will ultimately cost them.
    What I teach is the truth:::The gods extensively use clone hosts and manage Earth through them, people who ultimately are reincarnated into lesser life forms because of their fatal decision.
    You’re all falling prey to the god’s royal scam.
    Any enviornment/perception can be created with their power. Never fail to recognize the power they have at their disposal. There is NOTHING it can not do.
    They still sell “going up” to the reals and their clone hosts, for living on Earth doesn’t sound so appealing to them, nor preditors like my family. But the gods are creating an enviornment which will fulfill their promise made in the Bible to stupid white people and the fools who fell for xtianity.

    Cesear says kill whitey.
    Most are sick preditors. They think they’re earning, even this late. But it will never matter with the god’s employment of the clone host nation to run the show. So now we are onthe fast track to the Apocalypse, with the exception of a minor speed bump here and there.

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