My body’s aching, but I can’t sleep.. my dreams are all the company I keep.

-“Mother Love”, by Queen.

Why, hello there everyone. 

Today was my first day as a dishwasher at PM Park… Except, for about the first hour (maybe hour and a half), I was doing random chores around the place. I washed windows. Cleaned out two bathrooms. PM Park is by the lake shore, and I even got to walk along the shore. Granted, I was raking up leaves and such, but in effect, I was being paid to be outside. After all that, I came inside and did a few dishes, but today, I’m almost certain that I spent more time cutting up honeydew melon than actually doing dishes, but oh well. There were no other dishwashers.. Quite frankly, there were barely enough dishes for just me alone to do. There were servers and waitresses there, and they seemed nice but I couldn’t really tell if it was genuine kindness or that facade of kindness that waitresses put on sometimes.

I worked 5 and a half hours. The lady in charge told me she’d worry about dishes tonight, so she said after I’d finished whatever dishes were left, I could leave. That ended up being about 2:30….

My whole day seemed like a blur. Actually, if my back and feet didn’t hurt, I’d have thought I drempt going to work, rather than actually going. It almost feels like it didn’t happen.

Of course, my sanity is in no way healthy today. Last night, I went to bed at 11:00 (I had planned on 10:30, but I got really into a story I’m writing), and I didn’t fall asleep until well after 3 in the morning. Lately, I haven’t felt like myself. I have acid reflux, but I think there is something else wrong with me.. Like an ulcer, perhaps. And, I think I have a thyroid problem… And, my back has been having issues for a while now.. It was never quite the same after I hurt it at Heartland Inn last summer… but the last couple weeks, it hasn’t been normal.  Also, sometimes my wrists hurt, and sometimes I can feel the nerve from my wrists, all the way up my arms. That may have something to do with the chest pain.

Some of that stuff can cause chest pain, but I’ve been so paranoid lately, that any time I feel chest pain, I’m afraid I’ll have a heart attack. Stupid. If it was that serious, I’d either be in the hospital, or I’d be dead by now.  Well, and my related breathing issues, those don’t help my paranoia either. It’s not like I can’t breathe or anything, it’s just. Bleh. Actually, I did doze a tiny bit between when I went to bed at when I actually fell asleep after 3am.. One of the times, when I woke up, I felt like I’d just been holding my breath….

Anyway, with thyroid problems, it can feel like there is always something in your throat. Not blocking or anything, just annoyingly THERE.  It feels like air gets trapped in my chest, and I only feel better if I burp, but even that relief is very temporary. Drinking any liquid gives me temporary relief too, but… What, with all that crap going on,  my sleeping being as bad as it has been lately, and me  taking liquid antacid like college kids do shots..

It’s not normal. I can eat pretty much normally until about dinner time, but it seems like no matter what I eat for dinner, it upsets my stomach.

Something isn’t right. But I can’t really schedule a doctor’s appointment because I have no health insurance (to be on my dad’s insurance plan, I’d have to be a full time college student), so it costs 80 bucks just to see the doctor, nevermind getting any specialized shit done like blood tests or xrays (not that I’d necessarily need those or anything)… But this is driving me crazy. It keeps me up. It’s like, it hurts my back if I lay on my stomach too long, and my acid reflux gets aggrivated if I sleep on my back.. Ugh.

I just. Blah. I want to feel normal.

Sorry to say all this now. I really hadn’t intended on getting into that stuff, I really was just going to write about my day at work… ^^; Still. Lastnight was weird. Usually the slight chest pain will go away eventually.. The weird thing about lastnight was, I felt completely fine until I went to bed. A little indigestion, but nothing too bad. All the annoying shit started after I was in bed.

Anyway.

I would love to take a nap, but with how horribly I’ve been sleeping lately, if I actually got to sleep now, I would sleep even worse tonight. I’m really tired, so I figure if I wait until like 10pm, I’d sleep better.

Whatever. Enough of that.

Today, I made roughly 40 bucks today. That’s enough to get my camera back, but we only get paid every two weeks so I have a bit of time to wait. After that, I get together 100 bucks to start my savings account back up. After I get my camera, with the exception of a random little shopping spree here and there, every cent is going to be saved up. I want to make as much money as possible during the few months that I’ll be working at PM Park ((They’ll be open until sometime in September or October, depending on weather).

I’m off to find something to watch on tv before the family gets home and steals it from me. TTYL.

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5 thoughts on “My body’s aching, but I can’t sleep.. my dreams are all the company I keep.

  1. I REALLY HATE to say this and sound something like your mom, but losing weight and getting over that hump to get more exercise will take a load off your joints, your nerves, and maybe even your acid reflux. Your feet will hurt less and so will your back. You’ll have energy too, and feel better. It might even help with the depression, because it has been proven that exercise can help alleviate depression. I worry about your health, and if you are worried about your heart, then you should take action now. It will only get harder the longer it gets put off. 5 and a half hours isn’t that long really so you can always keep looking for an additional job as well.

    If you are nice to the waitresses then they will be nice back. I’m not saying all of them will or would be a friend to you but I doubt all of them are being fake nice. Ya kinda have to be slightly fake nice to some people (customers) because you aren’t doing your job if your..ya know..a bitch or something. I get snippy if the customer is being RIDICULOUS and rude..although some people tip very well if you just put up with their bullshit.

    I look forward to seeing you sometime, TTYL!

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