“Twenty-seven millions, mostly fools”

-Thomas Carlyle

It’s day 27. Yes, for the past 27 days, I’ve updated this blog once a day. It didn’t even see this sort of traffic back when I first started it.

Today was all right as days go.
For once, I was not awoken at 6am by my parents’ loud talking. I think I actually slept in until about 8 or so.
I didn’t eat breakfast until like, ten am, because I kept going into the kitchen looking to eat, and then shrugging, sighing, and deciding I didn’t feel like eating what we had.

I finally had a banana, because I didn’t just want to NOT eat anything, because studies show that skipping breakfast can make people gain weight.

The downside to that, though, is that I was hungry again an hour later. I didn’t eat anything, but I prefer to not be hungry that soon after I eat.

We ended up eating lunch at about 1 or so.  I had a piece of lasagna, and some french bread (the food list is at the end of the entry, but I’m mentioning it here anyway).

Dad ate two pieces of lasagna, which is nothing out of the ordinary for him. Since I was still plenty hungry, I went to have another piece of lasagna, and my dad does that weird sigh thing he does, and I asked him what it was. I just thought it was because my elbow was in close proximity to his face while scooping myself another piece of lasagna, but  he said “Well I was just wondering if I ate shit would you have to eat it too”, and I plopped down the serving scoop with the lasagna on it back into the pan, and grabbed my plate to storm off into the kitchen.

Okay. First of all, that comment was rude. I wasn’t going to have another piece based upon your actions, at all. After eating the small piece of lasagna, and three small slices of french bread, I was still feeling a bit hungry. So I was going to take another piece. I might not even have eaten it all.

It just seems that my dad finds any excuse at all to make rude comments to me.  After the cake and ice cream for my brother’s birthday, I ended up being glad I hadn’t eaten a second piece, but the fact that my dad was rude just knocked me down a notch.

I just wasn’t in a great mood anyway, so I was making some snarky comments. Nothing too awful, but I felt that since dad was being such an ass to me, I’d dish some of it back out.

What did he say then? “Without a job, and also without manners” and I forget what he said after that.

Okay. That broke me down even farther. I have been looking for a job. I’ve been looking in the papers, and on the web, and there is literally NOTHING in my area I’m qualified for. It’s all crap like nurses, administrative crap, and truck drivers. Even if I could drive, I wouldn’t be certified to drive a truck.

He also brings up the fact that I don’t have a job literally any time I give him shit for anything, even when I’m just trying to joke around. It’ll be something like
“Dad, you left the radio on again, you should shut it off so we don’t waste power” , and he’ll be like “Well at least I have  A JOB” or “Why do you care, you don’t pay for power”.

I just feel lost. Because when I don’t have a job, I’m bitched at that I need to look harder for a job,  or whatever, or they’ll bring up shit I didn’t do in the past. And when I have a job? They complain that I don’t have enough hours, or complain that I need to save up enough money to get my license back because they’re tired of giving me a ride all the time. After telling me they’d be happy to drive me to work, at least I’d have a job then.

The license thing? They don’t seem to understand that it’s probably going to be a long time before I can do that. I have to pay 240 bucks to the DMV, and take a full written and driving test before I can get my license back. I’m also pretty sure that I have to get special car insurance. And when I got a quote from 2oth century insurance once, they said it was going to be like 700 bucks.

Okay. Even if I had a steady, decent paying job, I cannot afford an insurance premium like that.  Now, if I don’t have to get special insurance, then getting my license back would be a little easier, but still difficult.

I just don’t feel like my parents understand this. Mom’s better about it than dad is, but… I really am trying. It’s discouraging when nobody can tell that I’m trying. It makes me kinda thing “Well what’s the point, nobody can tell anyway. I may as well not try”. Which is not what I’m going to do, but it’s still not encouraging at all.

Anyway. We played games after lunch, which was fun. We hung out a while until about 3:30 or slightly after.

We went to the… 4pm or 4:10pm showing of The King’s Speech, and the movie was a lot better than I expected. I mean. I expected it to be really good, but the commercials for the movie downplay the amount of humor that’s actually in the movie. It had a lot more humor than I expected. Everything about the movie was great. The cinematography. The acting. The costuming. Just…everything worked together really well, and I really hope it wins an oscar or two.

Fast forward to getting home. We had lasagna again, and my brother and I had a mug each of chai tea from this powdered mix my brother brought home with him from college. He’s off seeing friends right now here in town. We were originally planning on taking him back to college around 4 tomorrow, but he’s expressed interest in being taken back to college on Monday morning, before class. Dad doesn’t work for another three days, so this would be possible. We haven’t decided exactly what we’re doing yet, though.

Now, on with the meal list.

Breakfast
+A banana

Lunch
+a piece of lasagna, three pieces of french bread
I had a piece of cake, and two scoops of ice cream for dessert

Dinner
+a piece of lasagna, two pieces of french bread
I might have more cake and ice cream later. Depends on how late my brother gets home.

Well, I’m off to rip music from my cds onto the computer, and mess about online.

 

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