Then I hit 30, guess I can’t complain…

-Thomas Dolby, because I haven’t quoted in enough in the history of this blog.  LOL

Well well well. We’ve hit the big 3-0 you guys. I’ve been blogging daily for just about a month. Let’s take a look back on this month. In the first blog, I promised to

-Measure out serving sizes
I haven’t done that all the time. Being the one who basically does all our dishes (except when mom gets up earlier than me, does them, and then bitches that I didn’t do them), I don’t want to dirty a volume of measuring cups I wouldn’t need to dirty.
I have, however, consciously taken smaller portions, gone for the smallest piece of something where leftovers are concerned, that kind of thing. Sometimes I do measure stuff out, but more often than not, I just estimate. Under estimate, at that.

-Keep track of nutrition facts
I’m sure it’s no revelation to any of you that counting calories is more trouble than it’s worth. I am more conscious about what I’m actually eating, and I do pay more attention to serving sizes and whatnot. Also, I’ve taken more to actually looking at the nutrition facts before I eat something. Lots of times, that’s enough to keep me from eating something that’s super unhealthy.

-When I had the urge to snack, I was going to have a cup of tea
Obviously, this did not happen. We simply do not have that much tea. That’s not to insinuate that I want to snack all the time, but let’s face it. If I just did that once every day, replaced a snack with tea, we’d already be out of tea.  And being as I don’t have much money (and my parents constantly guilt me about how much I consume) I try to keep tea drinking to a minimum. Also, the two snacks a day promise was not strictly adhered to. I have been eating fewer snacks, but I haven’t been so much worried about a strict limit. I have been smarter about what I snack on, when I do snack, so there’s that.

-I was going to exercise every day.
This also hasn’t happened, on account of my back and knee issues, and the fact that I am not guaranteed time alone in the house every day. And I only exercise when nobody else is home.
Also, when it’s 10 below with a -30 wind chill,  walking to the library isn’t an option.
I have been exercising more than I used to though. Today is my second day in a row, on this stretch. Exercising is really an on again off again thing. I’ll exercise for four days in a row, then I won’t for three days because my back hurts, and so on and so forth. In the future, I’ll try to be as consistent as possible and will try to get it in more often than I have previously. But I cannot guarantee I’ll exercise every day. I think 3 or 4 days a week is an appropriate minimum.

Also, in the past thirty days, I’ve been more aware of what I eat, how much, and how often. I suppose that’s a first step, but my mother is really not helping matters any. I’ve cut back on a lot of things, but my mother doesn’t eat very much at all, and she really has no idea what it’s like to weigh any more than like… 150 pounds. I’ve cut back, but when all I’m hearing from her is how “Sometimes when you think you’re hungry you really aren’t” and “You eat too many eggs/too huge of breakfasts/blahblahblahblahblah”, it’s discouraging. It makes me want to just stop this shit altogether and eat myself to death. If nobody can tell I’m making changes, then what’s the point?

I’m not going to give all this up because of that, but it’s just disheartening. My dad is the one who makes omelettes with four eggs. What does my mother have almost every morning? Oatmeal. I like oatmeal, but if I started eating that regularly, she’d probably start bitching about how fast I was eating it up. I just get tired of being the one to blame when we run out of anything too fast. That’s another thing I’ve gotten better about. I don’t eat the last of something. Or I’ll consciously think about the consequences of eating something. “Will I get screamed at if I eat this? Will mom go off on a tangent about how she didn’t get any?” and so on. Also, I’ve said it a million times already, but I AM EATING LESS and smaller portions. But obviously, according to my mother, they should be even smaller.

There are numerous other things I could tack onto this rant, but I have the rest of the entry to squeeze in, so I’ll move on for now.

Anyway, before I went on a tangent, I was talking about how I’ve been eating less. My first goal is to get down to size 18 before Halloween, so I can wear my senior prom dress. I realize I’ll still have forever to go even when I hit size 18, but it’ll be nice first milestone.
I don’t want to get too ahead of myself, but my goal size right now is 14. I don’t fuck around with goal weights. I just know what size of clothing I want to fit into. Right now I’m hovering between 20-22 in jean size. Not all my 20s fit me yet, but most 22s are slightly large.

I realize how astronomically huge I still am, but hey. I may be fat, but you’re ugly. I can lose weight.
Also, I’m doing something about it. I’m not just sitting in my corner, stuffing my face with chocolate peanut butter candy frosting cookie sandwiches in between bites of pizza and chicken and then complaining about how fat I am.

And… for right now, I’ll just have to ignore the idiots around me who can’t seem to tell when I make changes in any area of my life, except ones that get me out of the house for extended periods.

As soon as this below zero shit lets up in, I’m guessing around March, I’ll get back to riding my bike.

Anyway, onward with the food journaly part:

+ two eggs, scrambled, with a teesny bit of corned beef hash, and a slice of velveeta. I also ate a slice, just to eat one.
Then, because I looked at the nutrition facts of corned beef, I decided I wasn’t going to eat anything until lunch. I barely had a tablespoon of the corned beef hash, but it’s completely terrible for you. Ugh. I don’t know if I can eat it again after looking at them. Ugh.

+One hamburger bun filled with vegan sloppy joe stuff (a recipe from a book mom got for christmas, and some potato chips. No cheese. I liked the vegan sloppy joe stuff okay, but I don’t know that I’d make it again. It’s good and all, just… not my ultra super duper favorite.
+I also had a piece of pineapple upside down cake, the last piece. So it doesn’t have to clutter up the fridge anymore.

I also managed 15-20 minutes of a walking workout, but while watching Law and Order SVU instead of putting in the dvd. It was one I hadn’t seen before. It was one of those where if you see the first five minutes, you have to sit through the rest of the hour to find out what happens.
Dad left SVU on the tv when he went to  his doctor’s appointment… because I don’t usually just turn Law and Order on of my own free will, since dad watches so much.

I ate a twizzler pull n peel. That was my snack. XD

+a cup of homemade chili. With a handful of potato chips thrown in. I munched on four saltines also.

I’d like to grab something for dessert, like some more grapes, or an orange if we still have them, but I’m not sure I want to be ridiculed by my mother, so who knows if I’ll have one or not. I do still have a cadbury creme egg that I’ve been saving for a couple weeks, but I probably won’t eat that tonight.

I’m going to go chase down this stupid melancholy feeling I seem to have just acquired, and kill time until Glee comes on, so I’ll talk to you later.



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