Actually I’m not all that excited for it. I’m actually in kind of a bitchy mood. I am nowhere near where I wanted to be by day 100 of food journaling.
I’m still my huge ugly old self, barely able to steady the scale at 260 pounds. That’s fucking disgusting. I feel gross and fat, and I’m just really tired of it.
I would never, EVER seriously wish I had an eating disorder, but a little spider in the back of my mind is going “If you were anorexic, at least you would be able to lose weight, you fat cow. Seriously, look at yourself in the mirror. You look DISGUSTING”.
So I suppose it’s a good thing that I like food and cooking as much as I do.
Yeah I don’t really feel like dwelling on all that shit right now so let’s just get on with the food.
+An egg, scrambled, with refried beans and chopped green pepper, in a soft taco shell.
+Taco meat, and refried beans, with some low fat sour cream and some cheese… in a soft taco shell. God damn.
+Taco stuff but in a sandwich.
Today was a really fucking awful day for snacking. I ate a tiny rice krispie treat, some dark chocolate m&ms, pretzels, more pretzels (with hummus this time), a bowl of shredded mini wheats, and some almond bark covered strawberries, with more m&ms.
I dunno. Let’s call today a relapse day. This is more the sort of eating habits I’d have had before I started food journaling.
I felt so guilty about all that that I rode the exercise bike for 10 minutes and did random exercising for another ten. I also lifted the small 2 pound hand weights that mom has.
Seriously, I feel like all that I’ve accomplished is killing 100 days of my life that I’ll never get back. I’ve barely made any progress with my weight at all. I don’t know. I just disgust myself right now.