Guess that it’s a time for change / Remain but change the name / This game is where to aim / I hear the charge, boy.

-“Tomorrow, by Def Leppard.

Welcome to day 123 kids.

Feels like an episode of Sesame Street or something. Lol.

Anyway, today has been… interesting. I woke up far too early for comfort, and I noticed I had an unusually long chore list. The whole time I was packaging the recyclables I was bitching to myself. I was just in a really grumpy mood.

A couple hours later, it wasn’t more than 8:30 am or so, dad started in on the whole “You really need to get a job” blahblahblah. Mind you, I’m not even fully awake and I had not finished my homemade iced cafe au lait.

I just got frustrated. For starters, I AM actively looking for a job. I’ve scoured job websites and newspapers, applied online, and even become a member of several “do surveys for money” websites.

At this point, I AM TRYING. It’s just that… the job market really sucks right now.

I know I’ve said that before a lot, and maybe before it was partly true and partly my former favorite tactic  “make up some BS to shut people up” but… this time, it is true.

I feel a bit like Chicken Little.

Honestly, when I looked at the classifieds in yesterday’s paper (I looked today, at the library) the job listings didn’t even take up one column.

I just got a little frustrated that I make a real effort at something and nobody notices. I still hear “You need to get a job”, “You really need to get your own income so you can start paying your student loans”, “You really need to start making payments on your fine so they’ll stop calling us” and you know what?

I bloody well know all that. I know how bad I need a job. My dad is never convinced that I make an effort because I’m not out pounding the pavement for 12 hours a day. I feel like that’s a waste of time. I could spend all day asking every single business in town for a job application, but if they’re not looking for jobs, they’re not looking. And, when I filled out apps to every random place I could think of, my parents would say “You have to apply to places that are actually looking”.

And as much progress I’ve made regarding social anxiety, I still really hate going into a store I’ve never gone into before and just asking people for an application. I feel that at least if I’m looking in papers, and online, that I’m looking at actual job postings, with actual jobs people actually need to fill.

Anyway, dad made me angry at him and myself, and I guess that prompted me to just go “Okay, enough of the bullshit”.

I called the local newspaper about routes available, and he emailed me three possible open routes.

I figured out that there was one that would be the easiest for me, and it would pay 76 bucks a month. I wrote down all the street names and biked over there. I found every street. There’s only one that I’m having to stop and go “Wait, where was that?”. All the streets are basically right next to each other, in an area I am fairly familiar with.

I’m just having this “OH SHIT NEW STUFF” jitters.

First of all, I would have to get up at 5 every morning. I had a newspaper route several years ago, so I already have experience doing that. And I’ve been waking up earlier lately so it’s not like that would be that bad.

Secondly, I would have to bike to the area because it’s too far for me to walk. Which is not a problem at all, but if it’s early in the morning I’ll be worried about how light it is out. And… I’m not in a summer movie from the 1960s, I can’t just chuck the paper at people’s houses as I speed past them on my bike. There are specific instructions from most people on the route about where they want their paper.

So that raises the question… will I bike to a specific place in town and lock my bike there, and just walk the route? Or will I take the bike with me for the whole thing? I’m leaning towards the latter because… even though I’d have to get out and walk my bike, most of the houses on the route I want are pretty scattered. There are only a few consecutive house numbers that get papers.

But… it’s 76 bucks a month I’m not earning now, so I’m all for it. It’s just, like I said, I’m having jitters.

Especially if I get my summer job. I’ve talked about being a server/whatever for the weddings that get held at the restaurant, so that wouldn’t involve having to be in early, but if she just wants me to dishwash during daytime hours… I have to be in at 7 or 8. If I’m getting up at 5 and allowing two hours to deliver papers, I would have to haul ass on my bike to get home, and then have someone drive me to the summer job.

So basically there are unknowns here and I don’t like not knowing about things.

And then there’s the whole other can of worms about being a server at a wedding. This involves having to be face to face nicey nice with strange people, something I don’t have much (if any) experience with. It would also involve repeatedly walking up and down a large stretch of stairs, and I’m a bit iffy as to if my back can handle that sort of load.

It’s just a potentially new thing, and those kind of scare me. I guess I’m too used to playing it safe and staying within a certain zone, but I can’t do that forever.

But anyway, back to the paper. About an hour ago I emailed the guy about the paper route I want, so I guess I’ve hit the point of no return as far as that’s concerned. I mean, I could still go “Hey sorry but my plans have changed, do you have any shopper routes open?” but no. I’m not going to take the easy way out. I am going to try this paper route at least for the summer, and if I can handle it, I’ll keep it. You’re supposed to sign a contract for a year, and you only have to pay a little fee if you stop early. Which is what I did before because I was in college then. Still. There’s no guarantee I’ll have a regular job after the summer job ends, so the paper could potentially be my only source of income.

Also, it’s not immediate. The people doing the route I want now have given their thirty day’s notice (most workplaces require you give two weeks notice before you quit; the paper requires a month) so it’s not like tomorrow will be like “POOF, 5 AM, YOU’RE DELIVERING SHOPPERS”.

So I guess it’s not a life changing endeavor.  I’m nervous, but I feel like I have to go for this.

So… I have rambled on a LOT longer than I meant to. This is a food blog. Not a diary. Lol. I’ve still got an art blog to throw together, and I don’t want to be up very late. I want to start practicing waking up at 5am. Even if I go back to sleep at first (before the route is my responsibility), it’ll be good practice.

ANYWAY. The food.

Breakfast:
+two tiny pieces of breakfast pizza (1 normal slice)

Lunch:
+Piece of chicken, romaine lettuce, some cheese, some ranch

Dinner:
+Chicken salad in a whole wheat soft taco shell, a few taco chips.

Also, I had some marshmallows, two graham crackers with banana peanut butter (from Harry & Davids; TO DIE FOR) and strawberry slices, and that’s all I can think of. I had a can of diet coke but that doesn’t count.

OH. I forgot to tell you guys that I bought four jalapeno plants, and four eggplant plants. Lol. 99 cents for a four pack of little plants. We’re going to have a garden spot in our next door neighbor’s backyard (she gave us permission to use it) and dad will probably handle the purchasing of the other plants, like tomato, cucumber, possibly spinach, whatever. As far as herbs go, I super super super want basil. If that’s the only herb we grow, I won’t care. XD

OKAY. THIS ENTRY IS LONG ENOUGH.

I’m off to write my art blog entry for today, and then I might do a tiny bit of facebook stuff, but then I’ll be in bed. First I have to find my phone. Where did that damn thing go?
FUCK. I have dishes to do still. And I forgot about the laundry. GODDAMMIT.

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