Day 178, in which I’m in a terribly bad mood.

I’m not sure what it was about today that had me in such a foul mood. I’m catching up on my sleep so I don’t think it’s lack of sleep…

Although… I know one thing. I ate my breakfast at 5:15 in the morning, so I decided to eat lunch a little early, at about 11. My mom had to make a snarky little quip “That kind of looks like a big bowl of spaghetti”.

So, I divided that shit in half and put both halves back in the fridge. Nothing pisses me off more than my mother saying that kind of shit.

I weigh 245 and I am now fitting into size 20 jeans. I.e. I HAVE LOST WEIGHT AND MY CLOTHES FIT BETTER. I also bike 3-5 miles daily. So it just torks me off that she feels she has to make all these little fucking comments.

I have been eating less, compared to the amount I used to eat before I started keeping this blog. Sometimes it just feels hopeless because I try to make changes in eating habits, activity level, and attitude, and nobody acknowledges it at all.

I know my parents are doing me a huge favor by allowing me to live here, but I can tell they resent me for it because they’re constantly rude to me and insinuate as if I’m a slow, bumbling idiot who stuffs their face for 12 hours a day.

I do dishes almost daily… I could do a better job at that and doing other little things around the house, but even when I do, I don’t hear even a simple “Thanks for doing that.” from my mother. It’s always about how I didn’t do it right, didn’t do it well enough, didn’t do it soon enough, didn’t do it the way she would have done it.

And my dad? It gets really irritating. He’ll be telling a story and searching for a word, so I suggest one, and then he has to get all self righteous and say “Actually no, that’s not what I was saying at all” in this smarmy, rude tone of voice. He’s also very all around rude to me and it seems that he acts like every awful thing in his life is because I don’t have a “god damn job”. He never just says “a job”. It’s always a “God damn job” even if the issue at hand has nothing to do with me.

I am actively seeking a real job, but until then, the paper route is the best I can do.

But I’m not in the mood to go on and on about that.


+A plain hot dog and a piece of garlic bread. Don’t ask. I eat odd things for breakfast.

+Spaghetti, and a piece of garlic bread.

+A sandwich with spinach, cheese, and thin sliced chicken breast. I also had a few pita chips, and a few regular potato chips.

Also today I had some of these sesame sticks that are really good, and I also had a bowl of dry corn chex. And a real fruit popsicle. And a couple pieces of salt water taffy.


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