Forever alone!

It’s a funny internet meme, but it’s also kind of true.

I’m 25 years old. I’m at that age where all my friends are engaged, or already married, and are starting to have children, or they’ve already got children. Basically, they’re all growing up. Some of them even have the job they went to college for.

I myself do not want kids, and I don’t even know if I want to get married, and while I really am happy for all of my married/etc friends, I feel like a horrible person for being jealous of them.

If you’ve been a reader of mine you’ll remember a couple of people I dated in the past that… well they were assholes. Part of that fault is undoubtedly mine, but it’s just frustrating. Here all my friends are with their perfect boyfriends/finances/husbands, and I’ve literally been single for five  years. That guy who I liked in college that I was interested in a year or two ago, the one who always cancelled our dates? We were never actually “dating” in the official sense. So I don’t count that.

Honestly, I hate to be all emo and depressed about this shit, but it’s just frustrating. It makes me think I have a problem. Why haven’t guys cared about me? Am I too ugly for them? Or too fat? I think I’m just too weird. Or maybe I don’t fit into society’s perfect little “maturity” box.

I still delight in eating dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets for lunch sometimes. I have seen Return of the Jedi so many times I’m embarrassed to admit it. I still watch cartoons and animated movies.  I yell at the characters on tv sometimes, even when I’ve already seen the show and already know what’s going to happen. I own a record player and my vinyl collection outnumbers my cd collection.  I’m obsessed with the 60s, 70s, and 80s. I like making awful jokes and then laughing hysterically at them.

Where is a guy that appreciates that? I’ll tell you. Already taken, or gay.

I don’t mean to have a negative, defeatist attitude about this, because that’s the LAST way one should go about trying to find someone, but it’s just frustrating.

I know it probably isn’t true but sometimes I feel too unique for my own good. Like I’m the ONLY person like this on the entire planet. So I almost feel like I’m driving blind though a thunderstorm or something.

Which is stupid. There are millions of other people on this planet. So there’s bound to be someone who is just as weird as I am, but it’s just really frustrating sometimes to feel this alone.

And friends? They love you but in my case, I’ve been so emo in the past that I’m afraid to show any little sign of depression again in the fear that they’ll get fed up with and ignore me or something.

Which is ALSO stupid, because friends want to help you, if they’re your real friends.

It’s so weird having both sides of an argument with yourself. Knowing you probably shouldn’t be depressed for stupid reasons, but you are anyway.

Even though it’s over, I’m still a little mood swingy after the lovely week I have every month, but I figure it’s best that I write some of this shit out when I’m still feeling this way. Most of the time, during the rest of the month, I feel pretty good and even, and as such,  it can be easy to dismiss feelings like this.

Anyway. I’m going to quit wallowing in depression and play some stupid, time wasting games on neopets. You read that right. A 25 year old who still has their old neopets account. 😄

 

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