Well I guess it would be nice…

If you’ve been a regular reader here, you know that I am a big fan of Thomas Dolby, who is most famous for his 80s hit “She Blinded Me With Science”. On April 6th, I have the opportunity to see a concert of his in Minneapolis, MN.

I will be taking a greyhound bus there, and a bus back early the next morning. The bus heading back to Iowa doesn’t leave until 5:30 in the morning on the 7th.

This will be a lot of firsts for me. It’ll be the first time I’ve done something like this on my own. The first time I’ve ever ridden a greyhound bus. The first time I’ll have to get around in a strange city on my own, that kind of thing.

I’m a little scared, but I’m really excited.

My mother does not share my enthusiasm. She keeps questioning me having to walk two miles from the bus station to the concert venue on my own, in a strange city. Questioning me being out at night in a bigger city, questioning every goddam aspect of the trip.

A week or so ago she mentioned maybe buying another ticket so she could go, and she’d drive and all… I didn’t want to hurt her feelings, but I really don’t want her there. I’ve never done anything on my own like this, and I want to give it a try. I mean fuck. If she wants to go, she can buy herself a ticket, and drive up to Minneapolis.  I can try to sell the tickets, or get a refund, and that would be fine… I just want to try doing something I’ve never done before.

I can’t live my life afraid to do things just because I’ve never done them before and because something bad might happen.

If I lived my life like that, then I’d never leave the house at all. What if I get hurt at work? What if I get hurt on the way there or back? What if a piece of space junk falls out of the sky and kills us all? Then we won’t have to worry about it!

And honestly, yeah, I’ll have my guard up, but it’s Minneapolis, not fucking New York City.

I just don’t need my mother telling me shit like that. It’s hard to believe in yourself when nobody around believes in you.

I can do this, and I will, and it’ll be an adventure.

Yeah, I know walking two miles in a strange city will be weird. That’s why I’ll print out directions and a map. I don’t know how long the concert will be, but it shouldn’t go past 11pm…. so I know it’ll be weird having to find my way back to the station and then killing 5+ hours until the bus leaves at 5:25 in the morning. Maybe I’ll find a diner that’s open late. Maybe I’ll find a bar, and I’ll have a beer and kill some time. I don’t know.

I don’t know. That’s what’s so thrilling about this. Sometimes I can be afraid of the unknown, of things that aren’t planned, things I’ve never done before…so I want to do this.

Pepper spray isn’t allowed on greyhound buses, and I’m fine with that. I’ll just keep an eye open. I’ll have my phone in case something happens. I’ll get a flashlight. I’m thinking of also bringing an umbrella, just in case, because you can take umbrellas on greyhound buses. That way I’m prepared in case of rain, and if worst comes to worst I can hit someone with it if they attack me.

I’m sure my mother is just nervous for me, but it’s a little irritating. I am 25 years old. What I don’t need right now is a lot of people giving me doubt because I’ve never done this before.

I’m only now beginning to realize how hard it is to get past the way I used to act. Yeah. I used to be an immature little loser, I used to act like shit almost all the time. I realize that.

I am trying to get past that, I really am. I make a conscious effort every day to try to be a better, more mature person, but that sort of thing takes TIME. It doesn’t fucking happen overnight. There will be bumps in the road. There will be setbacks along the way. I will make mistakes and sometimes I will act like an asshole.

The great thing about life is that I am allowed to do those things. I am allowed to have imperfections. I am allowed to make mistakes. I am allowed to learn from those mistakes and to try harder in the future. That’s all I really can do. I can’t be perfect now, or ever, but I can TRY.  I do not need people harping on me like hell over the tiniest little things that don’t matter like where the spatulas in the kitchen go, or how the towel in the bathroom gets hung up, or some stupid shit like that.

What I would like is for people to have a little faith in me.