Time ain’t gonna grind you down, ain’t gonna waste your life, chasing rainbows like some clown

“But who’s gonna come with you tonight
Who’s gonna to tell you it’s alright?
Everything changes over time
Just like wine…”

-Birthright, by A-ha

 

You know, A-ha are a great band. The only thing is… sometimes they have a melancholy sort of undertone to their songs (to their post 80s material, anyway). Which only means that they’re not necessarily the best band to listen to when you’re in a great, euphoric mood. But when you’re feeling melancholy/down yourself? For a certain period of time, they’re gold.

Sometimes when I’m down, I want to listen to happy music to try to cheer myself up, and sometimes I just can’t do it and I have to listen to this sort of melancholy stuff.

Right now the biggest issue on my mind is that of my best friend. She’s getting married in two days. Months ago, she asked me to take the day off from work. I got it approved, and told her, and she seemed happy about it.

And then she quit responding to my messages anywhere. Online, and on the phone.

That was in April. She’s marrying in two days and that was the last time she spoke to me.

I haven’t received any sort of invitation in the mail.

I thought at first facebook was fucking up, as it likes to do, but after a while it has become pretty evident that she’s making a point to ignore me. She’ll like stuff my mom or brother posts, and she even makes regular posts herself, but still doesn’t respond to messages, or wall posts, or anything from me whatsoever.

If I was that important to her, I’d have heard from her by now. Perhaps she  decided not to invite me, and she quit talking to me because she thought it would be less awkward.

And even now as I’m writing this to get it off my chest, I worry I’ve just become bitter and that it’s all a mistake and my invitation got lost in the mail or something, but honestly, at this point? At this point, if you hadn’t heard from a good friend in a couple months, wouldn’t you at least try to establish contact? “Hey, haven’t heard from you in a while, what’s up?” at least, right? Even if you sent an invite in the mail, if you were that good of friends with someone, wouldn’t you have talked to them since then? Even if it was “Omg I’m getting married soon can you believe it?”.

I admit. I can be a shitty friend. I have all sorts of issues (although not as many as my friend has), and sometimes I complain too much. I’m not always there for people the way I should be, because I’m so busy needing people to be there for me.

Still, I don’t think that’s any reason to not invite someone to your wedding. It’s your fucking wedding. If I miss it, that’s it, that’s my only chance. It’s not like I can call up the Doctor, hop in the TARDIS, and poof back in time and show up at your wedding.

I don’t want to turn this entire entry into a ‘Poor me’ thing, but I think I’m justifiably hurt and confused.

I mean, I know weddings are incredibly stressful and a lot has to go on. People can feel entitled and disappointed if they aren’t involved in the day in some way, so it’s for that reason I haven’t really tried to ask her about it much. I worry I’m being too needy and too offended by this, but you don’t ask someone to get the day off from work to be at your wedding and then not invite them.

Or, I mean, if it turned out that you weren’t able to invite them, at least give them the heads up.

I would still be a little hurt if I’m so low on the hierarchy of people to invite that I get kicked off the bottom of the list, but shit, at least I would know what was going on. And I could even understand that.

It’s like birthday parties as children. Your parents may tell you you can invite a few people, but you can’t possibly include every single one of your friends. So perhaps that’s what’s happening here.

It’s not the being ignored that bothers me so much as… shit, like I said before, it’s a wedding. It is most likely only going to happen once. I will never get the chance to see my best friend get married again. So even if she decides to start talking to me after the wedding, I will still be sad and disappointed that I didn’t get to see her start her new life.

I just keep thinking back through our 5+ year friendship, all the things we’d talk about and all the “someday when you get married” conversations, so I’m just kind of in disbelief that it’s actually happening and I won’t even be there to see it.

I mean, I can understand not being important enough to someone to be IN their wedding, that I get, but not even inviting me to watch the wedding? I don’t know how long that’s going to bother me, but it will be quite a while.

 

 

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