Reality….weird

In some ways, this entire move has felt more like a weird dream than something that’s actually happening. I spent years thinking I’d never even be able to consider moving out of my parents’ house because I would never be able to afford it. Even now that I’m living here, it still seems pretty surreal.

The roommate got the utilities bill, and I guess it’s not until I saw that that it kind of hit me. When my next paycheck comes, it’s going to be the 200 for my portion of the rent, then about 50 for my portion of the utilities. I guess it’s just weird because this is the first time in my life I’ve ever had to worry about this stuff. I guess I just feel like, in many other areas of my life, that I’m super late to the party. Shit, I had a friend of mine whose parents charged her rent beginning when she was 16, which I never thought was right. At least wait until your kid is 18 for fuck’s sake.

I mean, I’ve been getting more hours, so the check should be at least 300, so it’s not like I won’t be able to afford rent or anything. I guess I’m just kind of scared because like I said, I’ve never had to deal with this shit before. I don’t know what I’m so worried about, though. The place I work is slated to close in late April. I can get unemployment after that. Then I’m planning to apply for food stamps. I’ll get my tax return sent in and then that will be waiting for me. So it’s not like I’m just thrown on my ass with nothing, but I’ve never had to worry about this shit before so I guess it’s just kind of scary.

This is going to make me sound like a fangirl, but honestly, when it comes down to this, sometimes the only thing that keeps me from losing it is my music, and for the last few weeks I’ve basically listened to nothing else but oingo boingo. I can’t stress enough that when I started looking up their material in October last year, I had no idea how big of an impact this band would make on me. They’re one of a select few bands that has really kept me going when I went through some interesting times in life. Which is why I want to get the tattoo I discussed here yesterday.

I know I’ll probably never get to meet any of the band members in real life, but I really hope I do at some point so I can say, even in some small way, how much I love the band.

I say never, but I did get to meet Thomas Dolby, which I never thought I’d be able to do, and I did meet Howard Jones… so maybe I don’t know. But come on, these boingo guys are Californians, and how often to I get to California? Never. Except once on a family vacation, far before I knew who the band were and far before I would have been able to appreciate their music.

BAH. Who knows. I’d love to meet any of them, but given the nature of the tattoo I want I would love to meet Danny… of course mr movie composer would be the hardest to get close to, but you never know. 

Wow I did not mean to turn this into a boingo fangirl fest. Oops.

Back on topic I guess.

Even though I know I need the hours at work, I’m really starting to get burnt out on the 6 hour shifts. They feel like they take so long, even though they’re much shorter than most of you have to deal with. I don’t mean to piss off full timers or anything when I complain about 6 hours feeling like an eternity, but to me it does. Especially when my average shift was about 5 hours, before liquidation began.

I’m trying to stay in a better mood at work, and sometimes I can really only do that if I think “Now what if the next customer was related to a celebrity you like, or actually was a celebrity you like, how would you want to treat that person”.

I mean it doesn’t always work, because I am a cynic and like to think I’m the sort of person that doesn’t take bullshit of any kind, but for the past few days I think it’s helped. 

Also a part of my mood is, thinking of the last day I ever have to walk into that store is no longer just a “maybe someday” thought, it’s actually going to happen. I mean, part of it isn’t great because I won’t have a job,but I’m not exactly broken up about it, because I’m not really happy there anyway.

Anyhoo. I work at 10, and it’s currently 8:30, and I would like to zone out for at least a little bit longer before I have to shower and all that jazz.

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