Meh. I haven’t updated for a little while so I thought I would.
I had yesterday and today off from work, so I’m kind of dreading going in at noon tomorrow. I just have to remind myself that I need the money.
I’m both looking forward to and dreading the last day. Everyone is anticipating a real shit storm and saying it’ll be busier than black friday. The place is treating it like black friday. Management says that everyone has to work that day, and if I wasn’t paranoid that they’d try to gip me on unemployment, I would just not bother showing up that day. In addition to needing the money, I’m sure there will be at least a few other people that probably won’t show up, and I’m not going to be THAT person. Plus, after that day, as crazy as it may be, it’ll be the last time I ever have to walk into that godforsaken store, ever.
I am going to miss a few of my coworkers, but I’m really not shedding any tears over the fact that the place is closing. I’ve been unhappy there for ages.
As I’ve said before, if I can get a decent amount of unemployment, I’m thinking of taking a couple months off from working. Maybe I’ll just take the summer off, and use it to concentrate on my art. Or maybe I’ll take a summer class at the local community college (as I’ve been told if we go back to school we may be able to get some grants or something… I’ll have to look into it).
Anyway. I really want to start being healthier. Lately I’ve been eating a ton of food, and my previous attempt to do yoga every day lasted about 3 days.
Sometimes I think I have a bit of a problem with overeating. I mean, I don’t binge myself and then barf it back out or anything, but I’ve been eating way too much lately. I don’t want to insult anyone with an actual addiction, but sometimes I can’t help myself. I’ll eat eggs and then six hours later, eat an entire packet of ramen, and later some chips, and then later a fruit and grain bar, and later some ice cream. That’s all shit I’ve eaten just today.
Like I said I don’t to insult anyone with actual crippling addictions, but sometimes I think I have a food problem. I don’ t know if it should be called an addiction because everyone has to fucking eat to survive. It’s probably just emotional eating. And like I said, I don’t gorge myself until I’m in extreme pain, and I don’t purge or anything, but I just need to be better about how much I eat and what I actually eat.
After all I always said that the reason I didn’t eat healthy was because it’d be “too hard to do” when I still lived with my folks, but as usual it was just my excuse to not have to do anything different.
Honestly if I keep going this way I’ll be fucking huge and disgusting.
At the same time though, I’ve reached a point where I’m somewhat comfortable with myself how I am now, but I can’t go on like this forever. I’m sure as fuck not getting diabetes and having to fucking give myself shots and shit. I need to use my paranoia to my advantage here.
I know it would help a ton if I just stopped drinking soda, but we all know how well that has worked for me before. I need to start with something small and attainable. I tend to make grandiose plans and then get discouraged and stop when I realize my plans were too big.
Anyway… in regards to this day specifically, it was all right. Last night the roommate and her cousin and I had a few smirnoffs and watched youtube videos until 3am. I remember why I quit drinking smirnoffs. They taste great but then I have the weirdest hangover the next day. It’s taken me until about now to feel completely normal again. Anymore this happens when I drink. It’s fun enough the night before and then for hours and hours the next day I just feel weird, past the point where a hangover should still be around. AGING SUCKS. And I have an extremely low tolerance, which is weird given how much food I eat and how fat I am.
Anyway I just wanted to get some of this stuff out there. I want to work on a drawing of mine before I probably pass out early. I was going to watch a farewell concert by a certain band I’ve been obsessed with lately but I don’t think my emotions could handle it tonight. I think I might finally watch it once the store I work at is six feet under. Maybe that’ll be my reward to look forward to. I can finally watch the concert on youtube if I can make it to the 19th.