Wow I’m bored.


It’s been rainy and shitty and cold out for like 3 days and I guess we’re supposed to have a couple more days of same. Meh. Today has been decent so far. The roommate and I watched some netflix and then went to walmart. I guess she’s planning on moving in with her fiance soon. I guess she’ll still be paying rent for May, and then we need to find out exactly when roommate #3 is going to be moving in. Also around that time we’ll need to switch over the bill paying accounts. Although we split bills equally they are still technically in her name, so I usually just get cash from an ATM and then give to her, to cover my portion.

Nothing to be anxious about, it’s just yet another “first” on the large list of them I’ve been going through lately. I’m not sure exactly how I’m going to work this.

I mean, it’s not like roommate number 1 is moving out tomorrow or anything but I’m just getting nervous. I don’t know what roommate #3’s work situation is, and even though she’s committed to moving in I still have this fear that she’ll change her mind and then I’ll be screwed. I just still have this underlying fear that even though I did move out of my parents’ house that something will happen and I’ll get kicked out and have nowhere to go

I still haven’t met the landlord, so I’ll need to do that. Some time before she moves in with her man (I wish she knew exactly when this was going to happen so I wouldn’t have to wonder). We’ll have to cancel our current mediacom service and then I’d have to sign up in my name, which is all the same to me since roommate #3 will need wifi service anyway (we currently only have wired internet). Which then leads me to contemplate the matter of, whose computer will be the one with wired service and which one will be getting wifi? Because I don’t really want to have my computer in the living room (where the roommate’s laptop is currently hooked up) but I’m pretty sure that roommate #3 has a laptop and she’ll need that in her room, and to take to college classes (she’s going to the local community college after she graduates HS).

Which I mean, I only really want my computer in my room anyway to piss around on the internet before bed, and if we’ve got wifi I can just do that on my phone.

I guess I’m just nervous. With unemployment I will only be getting 76 a week. I’ll be looking for part time work not just for the extra money but for something to do, but that will mean I’ll get less from unemployment, and that I’ll have to keep my work hours under 30 a week or I won’t be eligible for unemployment anymore… and you can be damn sure I’m taking every unemployment cent I’m eligible for. They owe it to me and every other person that lost their job when the store closed.

Ugh. I guess it’s just normal in life to worry about things you’ve never done before, or other unknowns. I just wish I was better at handling anxiety like this when it hits.

Speaking of which, mother’s day is coming up and I found mom a card, but I don’t know if I want to spend the money to ship her present (it’s not that big and doesn’t weigh much at all) or wait until the family visits to give it to her.  Because I mean, the money I’ll get from unemployment will just barely cover my portion of the rent, and my portion of the bills, with almost nothing left over.

Which is why I suppose I should be looking for a job and not pissing around writing a blog entry, but I was just on 2 days ago and there wasn’t shit for jobs. I hate that stupid website anyway, you set your search to “within 5 miles of [my zipcode]” and  3 pages into the results you’ll be getting job listings in cities that are over an hour away. Maybe if these jobs were paying like 10 bucks an hour, but most of it is minimum wage crap.

Ugh. Perhaps I’ll go to the library tomorrow to look at a newspaper, as an excuse to actually get myself to leave the house. The thing I miss about my old town is that the library was within walking distance. Here, it’s not that far away, but it’s too far to walk when the weather is shitty and rainy and cold like this. Maybe when the weather starts actually getting nice I could manage it, but by then I’ll probably have a part time job so I won’t feel like walking.

Bah. Anxiety again. I’m going to go find something to take my mind off it.


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