Anxiety again…again

How many blog entries am I going to have with this title?

So, I believe I talked about on here how roommate #1 hadn’t been replying to fb messages, and our power could actually get shut off tomorrow if we don’t pay alliant? All I heard from her yesterday was an fb message that was all “Chill I’ll get online and view it”. Haven’t heard from her apart from that, and I’m still sort of freaking out because, how do I know she actually did view it?

Everything is still in her name, and it’s pissing me off. And maybe she’s not as concerned about it as we are, because it isn’t HER power that’ll be shut off. I’m going to be pretty pissed if our power gets shut off, because between roommate #2 and myself, we have the money to pay the bill, we just can’t fucking do anything because shit is in roommate #1’s name.

If roommate #1 ever comes over again, I’m going to ask that we get everything switched to my name. No, I won’t ask, I’ll be telling her, we need to go get shit switched to my name. Because we can’t keep having you be impossible to reach since your phone doesn’t work, we can’t keep having your name be on all the bills because that means I can’t access certain information because even though roommate #2 and I live here, shit is still in roommate #1’s name.

I thought it would be okay this way at first, but it’s pissing me off. Between that and roommate #1 never doing what she says she’ll do when she does it, I just can’t do this anymore.

I honestly credit this bill paying stuff as a big part of that huge meltdown I had the other day, where I was literally at the point where I wrote a suicide note and everything.

I did just send the roommate #1 an fb message asking how hard it would be to get the bills switched to my name, but who knows when she’ll actually see it. Or she’ll “see” the message but won’t reply to it at all.

Does she think that if she ignores this shit it’ll go away?

I know she’s got a lot of things on her plate and thusly a lot to worry about, but so do roommate #2 and I.

Up until now I’ve been really tolerant of this stuff, but the next time I see roommate #1… I won’t be mean, but I’ll be blunt. Up until now I’ve been afraid to mention anything I wasn’t 100% happy with because roommate #1 has helped me out with rent and bills before, but now, if it’s 100% that roommate #1 isn’t going to live here anymore, I want things switched to my name (or roommate #2’s, if she would prefer that).

I’m just sick of waking up every day wishing that it was like 10pm so it would be time for me to get back in bed for the night.

It’s just like, am I going to be able to do to this halloween shit after all? I’m going to have to use the money I was going to use on my bus ticket there, on the bills this month.

One of my internet friends offered to paypal me money for the energy bill if roommate #1 didn’t get back to me, but if that gets dealt with, I’m wondering if she would be willing to paypal me some money that I could use towards my bus ticket to CA. Since she is one of the people that my Halloween plans are with. I guess it depends on if roommate #1 gets back to me today or tomorrow.

I’m seriously going to be so pissed if our lights shut off. Because roommate #2 and I have money ready to give to roommate #1 to pay for this shit. Well I have a prepaid credit card, but I figured I could just give it to roommate #1 and be like “Here, this has 110 bucks on it, if you could use your money to pay the bill you could just keep this to buy necessities with or whatever”.

I think from now on I won’t be buying prepaid credit cards. I think I might look into getting a savings account that I can link to my paypal (as I have the paypal debit card) so I can put my paychecks into that and thusly use the money with my paypal debit card.

I’m going to buy my bus ticket to CA in person anyway, when I actually have enough gas to get to the town that the bus station I’d be leaving from is in.

I thought by now I’d have my bus ticket there and I’d be relaxing a little but of course not. My anxiety is so high all the time now that, all joking aside, I will be legitimately surprised if I am still alive on my birthday this year.

I used to say “god at this rate how will I make it to 30” but here I am, 27, wondering how the fuck I’ll even make it to my 28th birthday.

This just means, though, that if Halloween does end up happening, the band members I will see and hopefully meet will be that much more important to me.

I don’t know, I just want to quit worrying about this shit.

I work at noon, in 2 hours 15 minutes, so I’ve got about an hour and 45 minutes before I have to get ready. So I’m going to go play skyrim and try to relax a little before I’m forced to work a job I hate


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