Apparently this is the 4th entry I’ve titled “Meh” but I don’t really care.

Today I actually had the best day I’ve had in a long while, mood wise. I played sims all day and listened to music. The roommate got home from work at about 9:30 or so, we ordered pizza, it was fun.

But the reality is that she wants to be out of the house before rent would be due on the 25th.

I can’t really apply for Section 8 because the waiting list is 3-6 months, and I only just knew the roommate was for sure moving back home until maybe a couple weeks ago, certainly no longer than a month ago.

Former roommate said she sent a message to a friend of hers who might need a place but told me she has not gotten a reply or anything, so now I’m starting to freak out a little.

If it takes a couple weeks to find someone, it wouldn’t be fair to them to ask them to pay for half the rent when they hadn’t been here very long, but likewise, there’s literally no way I can afford 450 dollars rent on my own. I probably make barely that much in an entire month, with nothing set aside for bills and gas.

I looked online for some area apartments, and pretty much all of them were like 400 or over and didn’t allow pets. The one apartment former roommate used to live in would only be like 320 a month for a studio apartment, but they need 300 dollars deposit, and they do background and credit checks. So who knows how fucking long that would take.

I’m pretty sure the landlord here would not be understanding if the 25th comes and I only have what I’d normally pay for my half (which would be 225 now), because for a little while, former roommate was paying 410 all by herself.

I mean, the landlord here is former roommate’s husband’s uncle, so perhaps former roommate could talk to him (apparently she’s talked to him about stuff for us before) but I don’t know how much influence she has on him. What would really be great (well not great, but decent for the circumstances) was that if we couldn’t quite come up with the rent this month, just let us pay it when September’s rent is due, but I really don’t think he’d let us do that.  That way I’d have more time to both save up money for rent, and look for a roommate, but I really think there isn’t a ghost chance in hell for him to let us do that. The most I can imagine he’d let us be late is until like, maybe the 1st of September.

If she can’t find anyone to move in here, I really don’t know what other options I’d have.

I am going to go to DHS on Tuesday, finally, and ask them about stuff, but I really don’t think they’re going to be able to help me on such a short time frame, unless there’s some emergency assistance program or something.

Honestly I think it’s really shitty of roommate 2 to be moving back home after barely being here 3 months. I mean,  I understand she wants to save up money to go to college, but here I had been thinking that I had at least a year before I had to worry about finding another place or finding another roommate. But here it is, August, and I’m wondering if I’m going to even be able to be here at the end of the month.

I really wish I could ask roommate 2 to wait until I’m able to find a place (or a roommate). And really I think she could just suck it up and help pay rent this one last time. I know she wants to be out by the 25th, but it’s really not fair to me. I’m the one getting fucked over here. I mean, for the last 3 months I don’t know what I’d have done if she didn’t live here, but I almost wish she’d have just kept fucking living at home if she’s going to be moving back so soon.


I just really don’t have any idea what I’m going to do because I see myself freaking out with like a week until rent is due, with roommate 2 moved out and just me by myself.

I mean, I did get approved for food stamps, and it’ll be a few days before I get my ebt card in the mail, but that doesn’t do me any good as far as rent is concerned.

Depending on how my visit to DHS goes, maybe they’ll have lists of income based housing I can look into, but again, how long is the waiting list for that shit? Do they care that it’s essentially an emergency and I could potentially be unable to pay rent by the end of the month?

On my tumblr I put up one of those “fuck I’m broke idk what to do donate to me on paypal” posts, and in addition to the same friend that bought my bus ticket to CA on Halloween, she donated 91 bucks towards the water bill so it doesn’t get shut off on Tuesday (I have to go pay it on Monday), and a stranger from Connecticut donated 23 bucks to me, but I feel that these are abnormalities and I certainly can’t rely on that shit to help pay rent. Likewise, my parents have already said they are not loaning me any more money, so I can’t ask them for help either.

It just goes back to this being a shitty situation and me ultimately being the one that gets fucked over.

So, what happens if the end of the month comes and I haven’t found another roommate? I’m sure the landlord would be pretty pissed, and honestly I’ve only met him twice, so how would he react? We didn’t sign a lease of any sort, so I honestly don’t know. Would he let me wait until next month, and just pay him 2 months rent at a time? Would he give me a quick deadline to have the money or have to get my shit out? Say that is the case, and I have to get my shit out quick. Where the fuck is it going to go? As far as I know former roommate and her husband have not found a house yet, so I couldn’t go stay with them. Former roommate’s mom might let me crash there for a little while but I don’t think she’d let me legit live there. They don’t have an extra bedroom and I’d have to keep most of my shit in the basement, probably. If my DHS visit doesn’t go super well I may send former roommate’s mom a message on facebook. Be all “Hey roommate 2 wants to move out by the end of August, is there any possibility you’d let me stay there (even if it’s just a couple months) if I helped out in the house and gave you some money as rent because I’m out of options at this point” and stuff.

I just knew this day was too good to be true. I felt great all day, and now it’s 11:30 at night and all the anxiety has just rushed right back.

I really hope DHS has some ways they can help me, or that former roommate makes contact with that friend of hers she talked to me about, or that she and her husband have found a house so I could stay with them. I really hope I’m freaking out for no reason.

I refuse to look on craigslist because it’s super sketchy, and a coworker I know who’s looking for a place (she has a fiance and 2 cats or I’d have offered to let her move in here) said she almost fell for a craigslist housing scam. I just really hope DHS has some info they can give me.

I’m really pissed though because I had such a good day, and it wasn’t really until roommate 2 left to go to her sister’s house that I started going “FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK” about this stuff. That might be because throughout most of the day I was slowly sipping on what amounted to about 6 cups of coffee.

There’s really nothing new I can say at this point, it’s just going to be me rehashing what I’ve already written. I want to go to bed, but I’m worried I’m just going to be lying awake in bed for 2 hours before I can finally sleep, and then I’ll still wake up at 7am like I always fucking do.

I was glad to have today off, and I’ve got tomorrow off as well, but given the circumstances, I almost hope they call me in. I’ve got a 7hour shift on Monday, but I won’t see that until the payday after next (which is August 22nd I think), since I think the cutoff was today for what I’m getting paid on the 8th.

Idk. I said earlier I have 91 bucks on paypal towards the total of 95 of the water bill that is due, but when I see roommate 2 tomorrow I might ask if she can maybe provide a little more than 5 dollars towards that, so I can save some of the paypal money to go towards rent if I have to (or to a deposit on an apartment if it comes to that).

I’m going to browse the internet just a little more then I’ll try to sleep, but I don’t know how much luck I’m going to have with that


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