A change in plans for today

Well kids, the plan for today has changed a little. For one, I’m writing this on my phone at home, so it’ll be far less wordy than I am accustomed to.

It’s been raining since before I woke up this morning. I rolled out of bed, and went to the only open window in the house to survey the situation, and I was greeted to cat barf in the window. Although to my cat’s credit, my entire apartment is carpeted so she picked the one place where it’d be easiest to clean.

There’s still a sizeable patch of precipitation set to go over my area, so my walk around town to pokestops probably isn’t going to happen.

And my tidying up the house? Probably not going to be more than doing the dishes and just a little minor tidying up in the living room.

I’m thinking I’ll skip the library today, as I can’t imagine there will have been any new job postings since yesterday.

I  have a mental health appointment at 1 so I’ll still be getting out of the house. At that time I will go on a short walk to hit a few of the pokestops near the public parking lot I park in when I have therapy appointments.

I’m having trouble fielding all of my self guilt, which it’s really fucking too early fot at 9 in the goddamn morning. This whole week so far I’ve been fucking drowning in guilt for no reason.

When you look at the sum of what I’ve done cleaning-wise in the apartment the last three months it can’t even come close to what I’ve done in the last 3 days alone, yet I feel guilty.  I’ve probably put in like 5 job apps this week yet I feel guilty because my social anxiety won’t let me make those follow up calls, which my dad’s advice from years past has me convinced are the reason I’m not getting hired anywhere.

I’ve walked a minimum of 2 miles each day for the previous 3 days, yet I still feel guilty every time I sit down, or eat anything that isn’t 200% healthy.

You’d think doing more would make me feel better about myself but it’s just made me feel guilty that I’m not doing EVEN MORE. Like, wtf brain?

I’m honestly really glad my therapy appointment is today.

Anyway I just wanted to post a little entry today explaining why yesterday’s plans for today aren’t happening.


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