It’s been a few days

I skipped this weekend because I was staying at my parents’ place. We took grandpa out to eat for an early birthday present, so I sort of thought I should be present for that. Came back to my place on Monday morning, and by then I was way too exhausted to do anything. I knew I had an interview 45 minutes away on Tuesday (yesterday) and I was hella stressed about that. Not only because, hello, interviews are always stressful, but because I’d never driven to this particular town myself (though I’ve been there many times in the past) and I hate driving anywhere that includes an interstate. I’m also pretty nervous when driving in urban areas.

I’ve basically lived in small towns my entire life, I’ve never been comfortable driving in any large amount of traffic. For me, anxiety magnifies every normal, totally sensible worry people have. Yeah, you should be cautious on the road, but to my anxiety, sometimes every person on the road with me (especially semis) are mere moments away from ramming me off the road and making my van explode, or something equally ridiculous.

So anyway. Fast forward to yesterday. My interview wasn’t until 10, but I left the house at 8. I’m always paranoid I’ll get lost, take a wrong turn somewhere, etc. I literally got there before 9. The mall within sight of the place I was to interview at, the doors were open but nothing worth anything opened until 10. So I decided to browse a goodwill nearby. I found a cute little “home sweet home” coffee mug (similar to THIS one), and two Johnny Cash records.

When I got to the place (it’s a hotel, I interviewed for housekeeping), they didn’t seem to know of any interview scheduled for 10am. My paranoia is good for little else, save for my obsessive double/triple/etc checking and verifying of shit. I checked my email a million times, the only other hotel I applied at was a completely different hotel, for a completely different position. When I got the call from this particular hotel, I wrote it down on a note. Name of the hotel (I’m obviously not stating it here). 10am.

They found my resume but they said they were telling me what the times were going to be and the phone hung up on them. This whole situation was very confusing, and my sister whom I IMed with afterwards, said they were just being disorganized. But I swear on my ancestors, this place called me, set up a time for an interview, and everything was jolly.

She went on with the interview, since I was there, but it just made me feel like shit. What if I made a bad first impression on them? I cried when I got back out to my van. As if driving 45 minutes to a place I’ve never driven myself before isn’t stressful enough. Etc.

Obviously human beings are imperfect and everybody with a business to run has found themselves lacking in the organization department from time to time, but as I said earlier, anxiety just magnifies everything.

The interview didn’t take very long, so I decided to visit a grocery store in the area that we don’t have where I live. Then, since the mall was right there, I went to spencers, which is where I get my ear gauges from. They have a punch card where every 6 earrings you buy, you get one free. Truth be told, if I had more than one punch left before getting a pair free, I would have skipped it. But I got 4g plugs, and then some 2g plugs, for when I’m ready to size these up. I’m honestly not sure how much bigger than 2g I want to go with these, maybe one more size up. I’m not looking to go huge with these. They’re in my second ear piercing (I previously had my lobes pierced 5 times each). I wanted to both gauge my ears and be able to still wear normal earrings, so this seemed like a nice compromise.

After that I drove home, where I promptly put on my pjs and held my cat while crying because holy shit was that whole entire situation stressful as fuck. Doesn’t help that I left my meds at my parents’ house. I think this weekend I’ll make a stop by. I’ll come up with some excuse (because I usually only visit every other weekend) but I can’t wait 2 weeks for my meds. I’ve missed for several days before so this isn’t anything new, but 2 weeks, no thank you sir. Maybe I’ll visit my grandparents (who live like a block away from my parents). Idk. I’ll think of something before we hit that point. I can’t believe it’s already freaking Wednesday. It seems like the weekend was literally yesterday.

Idk. I don’t feel like I’m quite dissociating, but everything feels just a little off. Still, if nothing else, I made myself walk to the library and put in my customary online apps a day. I’ll be doing the rest of my walk here shortly, albeit a little odd route because I think I’ll stop at the grocery store to get some chicken breast, perhaps. I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t buy red meat, and I only buy fish very very rarely. Pretty much the only meat I buy is chicken, and once in a great while, some bacon. I don’t eat meat every day, and at some point I’d like to cut it out entirely. But let’s face it. I’m from the midwest. Our two biggest exports in this state are corn and pork, basically.

Dammit, I’m making myself hungry.



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