Well, it’s the last day of the month. We’re now only one month and 9 days away from my 30th birthday. Boy does it feel weird to be here, in both cases. I’d liked to think that after the BS I’d been through prior to moving to this area, the hardest would be behind me, but this year so far has been extremely challenging.
I was really hoping this would be my year (I bastardize the song This will be our year by the Zombies every New Years, basically), but just a few days into it, Bowie left us, and it’s really kind of been downhill from there. I mean, things were going to shit before that, but it seems like it all really hit the industrial sized fan after that. And that’s not to say the rest of this year will be a shitshow (see, I am trying to be positive) but it’s just been incredibly difficult. I was reading back through a couple of the notebooks I used to write in to pass the time while I was trapped at work, and as recently as back in March, every other entry was about how much I hated that job, how trapped I felt, and about just how much I cried at work, and wished I could just end it all if that was going to be my life.
I’m kind of in a better position now, but I’m still unemployed, 2 months after finally leaving that job. After bills and a haircut I’ll still have little over 300 dollars in the bank. At the same time that I’m enjoying this much needed downtime, I’m really starting to feel the pressure.
As I’ve said many times before, my parents obviously only want what’s best for me and are concerned for my wellbeing, but I’m infinitely more stressed about it when they mention it than I am when I’m alone. Obviously this isn’t going to go on forever, and every single weekday I put in 3-5 online applications, so I am actively looking and making an effort.
I still wonder if I should have left that job, but I know I couldn’t stay there, and I know going back isn’t an option because my problems with it would all be the same and would simply pick up where they left off, only worse because I would have tried to leave and failed.
And honestly, in the grand scheme of things, I’m a lot better off this time around. I have HUD paying the entirety of my rent until I find a job, and I have food stamps for another couple months, so right now all I really need to worry about paying are my internet and electric bills.
I don’t know. I’m pretty stressed out right now so I should probably move on.
My cousin’s wedding is this Sunday, so I’m getting my hair cut tomorrow. I wanted to wait until as long as possible, but my last trim was in mid July. I have an undercut so not a whole lot needs to be done, but it needs a trim badly just the same. I’m lucky enough to have a couple of salons in town that offer pretty good prices and that I’d been satisfied with when there previously, though I definitely have my favorite.
I should probably do some laundry at some point today so I should probably get going.