Weekend musing

I’m at my parents’ house for the holiday weekend, and stressed as all shit (when am I not these days) about a couple looming interviews. One of them isn’t for a couple weeks, but one is on Tuesday (at the store with a red bullseye logo). It would be an early morning logistics deal, zoning the store before hours and putting stuff out. On one hand, it’s an even earlier start than my last job, and that was plenty early. On the other hand, no real dealing with customers.

I feel conflicted and stressed out. It’s roughly 45 minutes away, which isn’t an issue to me but I worry about it because it concerns my parents. Mom mentions how I should probably move to that town, and then I freak out thinking of all the shit I’d have to do to make that happen. I’d have to sign up for and get approved for HUD again, I’m sure, find another HUD approved place, and move ALL my shit and it’s just really too overwhelming a prospect when it’s an accomplishment just to get oneself out of bed in the morning.

I’m nervous because I’ve had a million interviews at the red bullseye over the years and not once have they hired me. Granted those were a different location but I’ve grown accustomed to leaving that place expecting the inevitable rejection  letter, or email.

I’m in an all right mood right now but despite being on 20mg of generic lexapro and 15mg of generic buspar (antidepressant and anti anxiety, respectively) daily, it seems I havr a constant undercurrent of anxiety and just feeling uncomfortable.

Maybe in my true fashion I am overthinking things, but I feel everything positive duller than it should be. It seems that I am incapable of getting as excited and into things as I used to be, unless I drink a couple pots of coffee. I feel confused more often, not about important things, but it just seems I can’t think as deeply as I used to. Not that I was ever a huge philosopher.

Idk. I’m going to enjoy the holiday weekend in case it’s my last as a free, unemployed woman.


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