Waiting to hear about a job.

Still waiting to hear back about the convenience store job. I also have an interview at a dollar discount type store on Monday. I was actually supposed to have that interview on Tuesday, but my car battery was dead (for the second time in a week, no less) so I had to call them and reschedule. Dad drove here to mess with it for me. It’s working fine now, knock on wood. I was told as far as the convenience store job that I should hear back yesterday or today, as he had other interviews earlier this week. I was hopeful at first, but it’s 1:30 in the afternoon and I haven’t heard back. The dude who interviewed me said he was going to Florida on Sunday. I guess it’s still feasible that he might get back to me tomorrow, but that’s going to be a huge pain in the ass because in addition to spending all today so far antagonizing over it, then it’ll fuck up my Friday too. The only thing I can think of is that they interviewed someone else who has worked at a gas station before. I seem to recall him asking me to confirm a couple times that I’d never worked at a gas station before.

I hate interviews, because I think they all go well, yet I never hear anything back, or I’ll get a rejection email a few weeks after the fact. Most of them don’t even do that anymore. And that honestly would be nice, if there were some system they could use to inform applicants that someone else was chosen for the position. But I guess, to their credit, it would be hard to do, because they’d either have to put all the applicants’ emails into some sort of temporary database, or punch all that shit in by hand, and they’ve got better things to do than worry about all the poor sods that didn’t get hired.

I called my grandma today because her birthday was yesterday, and I guess during that HOUR AND A HALF long phone call (she’s great, but my grandma will talk literally forever if you let her) I missed a call from my old boss at the nursing home where I washed dishes for like a month.

She did this to me once before. Did y’all forget you fired me? First off, if you’d wanted me to stay on only as a fill in if all the other kitchen help can’t show up, you could have just said that, but no, they made it pretty damn clear I was fired that last day I was there. Secondly, I get housing assistance, they currently take care of 100 percent of my rent while I’m unemployed and have zero income. I’m not having some disorganized shit weasels fuck it up by suddenly wanting me to come in. And honestly, I was pretty destroyed when I got fired, but also, part of me wasn’t that upset because they were always disorganized as shit and neither of the cooks would even say two words to me, even when I was trying to be conversational and polite. I also had unparalleled anxiety attacks the first several weeks of working there, complete with openly sobbing in front of other workers in the kitchen. I’m just glad I missed the call, because the other time when I actually answered it was weird.

In fact I was so taken aback I didn’t think to say this, but after I hung up, I was like…. uh, did y’all forget you fired me? I’m wishing I had, I’d have loved to hear her reaction.

But still, it’s like I said, I’m either fired and completely off the books, or you could have told me straight up that you’re not going to schedule me regular hours, but you wanted me to stay on as a fill in.

That almost would have been worse, because then I’d be constantly worried they would call me in, as if I would be in trouble if I missed the call and didn’t come in.

It’s honestly that places’ fault though, they were terrible about scheduling shit like that.

I’m honestly just irritated as fuck about the stupid convenience store thing, either send me the rejection email or call me and tell me when you want me in for orientation.

Ever ahead of me, my anxiety is already like “BUT THEN YOU’D HAVE TO STRESS OVER HAVING TO GO TO ORIENTATION, DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR BIRTH CERTIFICATE AND SOCIAL SECURITY CARD OR DID YOU GIVE THAT BACK TO YOUR FOLKS TO PUT IN THE LOCKBOX” and so on and so forth. I actually had a bit of a panic attack earlier for no reason. I was anxious to get off the phone (my grandma is great, honestly, but I was antsy because I’m kind of expecting a phone call).

My only real break from that shit is going to be, if I haven’t heard from them and it’s like, past 7pm, I know they’re not going to conduct that sort of business that late.

What I am anxious about is that, the dude mentioned that one of the shifts I’d likely be on is 2-10, and if that’s what he’s working today, then it’s possible he will call me after 2.

I could go on and on but I think I can just leave it at “FOR FUCKS SAKE GET BACK TO ME OR SEND THE REJECTION EMAIL I HATE NOT KNOWING”.

And it’s true, one of the ways my anxiety often manifests itself is “YOU CAN’T RELAX, YOU DON’T KNOW EVERY POSSIBLE LITTLE THING ABOUT A GIVEN SITUATION, WHAT IF YOU’RE NOT WORRYING ABOUT A VARIABLE REGARDING TO THE THING HAPPENING AND THEN THAT THING HAPPENS”. So I guess maybe it’s more accurate to call it paranoia. I don’t know, honestly.

I honestly just need to end this entry here, because the rest of it is just going to be rewording shit I’ve already said.

 

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