Well I guess it’s been a while

I wasn’t aware that it had been this long but I guess it’s been just short of a year since I last wrote here. A lot has been going on lately that I’ve failed to update about just because I’m still getting used to shit.

Let’s see, we left off in like December of 2014? Honestly, not a whole lot went on until March, when I got a job at the closest mart of K around, which was a 45 minute drive from my parents house. Not ideal, but it was a job. I had higher hopes for this kfart than the one I worked at that closed down in April 2013, but this one was much worse.

When I was there, they were super tightass about appearance. Tattoos were okay but no facial piercings at all and no oddly colored hair. This led me to taking my nose ring out for good, because I kept forgetting to put it back in after work and it gradually closed up. Of course now when I go in there I see workers with blue hair and monroe piercings and shit, but whatever.

Also, I hated the manager. Once during a slow shift I was doodling on a piece of scrap paper, like I did literally all the time at the other kfart I worked at. I went on break, and when I got back to my register the scrap of paper was gone. I figured someone threw it away and left it at that.

Nope, the manager literally took the piece of paper, made a photocopy of it, and I basically got written up for it. I had to sign a piece of paper and everything. It was during this I learned he’d been sitting in the office watching the security camera feed from up at the registers. Like he didn’t have any actual work to do, or god forbid he had the balls to actually approach me at the register and ask me not to doodle. And the whole time I was signing the paper and everything he wouldn’t look me in the eye.

Also since I’ve stopped working there I’ve noticed that every single person there I used to work with acts like they don’t know me if they see me now. The point is, this kfart was way too small town and anal for my taste.

Anyway, I worked there until July I believe it was, until I applied for and got a job at a call center. I didn’t even give kfart 2 weeks notice, I just mailed them a letter and left it at that.

In the meantime, I got on section 8 and found an apartment a 5 minute drive away from my new workplace. Housing assistance only pays like, 30-40 bucks towards my rent (which I could afford on my own if I had to) but I’m glad to have the help.

We finally got all my shit from the storage unit in Mason City where I had been stashing most of my stuff after my sudden and unexpected move in October last year.

Back tracking a little, like a month before I had quit kfart, I once again bought a ticket to an oingo boingo dance party concert in October, not knowing if it would be an option or not. I got the refund insurance on the ticket, just in case. I set up a gofundme page which was wildly unsuccessful, but it turned out that it worked just fine because I got the call center job.

Well, it did work out. I should write a dedicated entry for it, but basically it was awesome and I finally realised my dream of giving art to Steve Bartek, along with giving John Avila another piece of art, and basically it was great finally getting to meet Steve. I got to gush to John about food for feet, it was basically just  a great time.

Well, I’ll explain. I saw BDP at the Canyon, and that show was packed because they’d announced it on combat radio. After narrowly avoiding a full blown panic attack before the show, I actually enjoyed the show other than not really being able to get that close because they left the tables out for people who had had dinner reservations.

After the concert I was able to give John Avila some art that I’d made him, which he told me was beautiful and he said ‘I’m gonna frame this’ out loud, from his mouth. Snagged a cute photo of us thanks to my friend Jacky holding my phone. I managed to muster up the proverbial balls to ask Sluggo for a photo, which I never thought I'[d be able to do. He has his little stink face on that he has in every photo of him ever taken, and it was great because the entire time Jacky was taking the picture of us he literally had his hand milimeters from my ass so it was a good day. Also managed to get a quick photo with Steve, but I think he was a little overwhelmed because so many people wanted to talk to him that he darted off before I got to give him his art. Whick was okay. That Sunday a band called jackiO was playing at a little tiny bar called liquid kitty (John and Steve are also in this band). And I shit you not there were probably fewer than 40 people in there, it was very intimate. Before the show, when Steve was coming in to set up some stuff, at Jacky’s urging, I approached him. I literally said “Can I have a moment of your time” like what the hell brain. I was finally able to give him his art (I’d made it in early 2014) and talk to him a little, and it was basically just the best thing ever. When my friend Jacky saw jackiO again last month she said my art was still on the front of Steve’s music binder and I literally almost died again.

It was I spent like 5 full days in CA because I flew Southwest. You think flying is going to be all exciting and romantic and then you get on a plane and realize that for the next 2 hours you’re going to be crammed in an airplane like sardines next to some skinny dude and sorry yes I know my leg is probably touching yours a little tiny bit but that’s because I’m fat. If there’s a next time I might spring for something other than flying coach. Although, I have never myself flown anything other than Southwest, I am very happy with Southwest and I doubt I’ll fly any other airline unless they literally don’t send airplanes to where I want to go.

I didn’t mean to put so much about my trip in there, but I felt it was relevant because I’ve now decided that I’m going to be moving to California. It felt more like home to me in 5 days than this apartment has and I’ve lived here for over 3 months. I’m kind of aiming for next fall because my lease here (and my section 8 contract) is up in August I believe. It seems like a pretty lofty goal, but I think I can do it. Other than this month being Christmas, if you figure I get paid at least 500 dollars every two weeks (it’s usually more due to attendance bonus or commission from sales), that’s a minimum of 1000 dollars I make a month. Now, I pay like 320 a month rent, and roughly 150 dollars for my electric/internet bills, so let’s say I have 530 left over. If I spend, say, 40 bucks a month on groceries (I live alone, it’s feasible), that leaves me with 490. And let’s say I allot 50 bucks a month for various purchases, we’re left with roughly 440 bucks a month. Now like I said, Christmas is this month so I have some gifts to buy, but let’s say starting in January I am able to put away let’s say 400 a month. By August I’d have 3520 dollars.

And the 500 every two weeks thing is really an estimate because I usually make 550 every two weeks, so the amount I’d have by August could be a little higher than that. I’d hoped to have 5000 dollars saved up before I moved, but honestly, I don’t think I could wait another year, or even another few months. It just feels right for me to aim for California now.

I don’t know how exactly the move would commence, because I haven’t gotten that far in the planning yet. I don’t know if I want to use a moving service, because I’m sure they’re expensive as fuck and I’d like to have as much money as possible to live off in CA until I can find a job…but on that same note, I’m not sure I trust myself to drive even the smallest U-haul available across the whole damn country. What would be nice is if I could convince my dad to drive the u-haul to CA (I’d be with of course) and then once we got there I’d buy him a plane ticket back to Iowa. But I really don’t think my dad would go for it. At this point, I think I’ll go with a moving service unless it ends up being way cheaper to just drive a U-haul. But this is all stuff I’d have to deal with after I actually figure out where I want to live and where I’m able to find an affordable place. I also have a friend of mine that’s looking to move out there so, who knows.

Other than the huge tangent I just went on regarding California, everyday life here has just been me trying to get used to my first full time job basically ever (not counting the couple weeks I worked at joann fabric as a seasonal worker. Their full time was 30hrs a week, whereas at my current job it’s 40hrs).

You honestly think I’d be more used to it by now but I’m still wondering how the fuck anybody who works more than 40 hours a week gets anything done. And god forbid if you have kids or a husband or whatever.

I won’t lie, I haven’t been doing perfectly in terms of mental health. Sometimes my anxiety gets really bad, because while this job is good for me in a lot of ways and it provides me with benefits I’ve literally not had from any of my previous jobs, but it’s not what I want to be doing when I retire at like 70 or whatever the retirement age is by the time I reach it.

And I do worry when I go for long periods of time without making sales. I’m on a different project right now than the one I started on,  and it’s acknowledged that it’s extremely difficult to make sales, but I still seem to blame myself when I can’t get a sale. In all honesty, though I haven’t yet made a sale on this project and I’ve been on it since mid November, I still am not sure I want to go back to my original project. There’s way less stress involved on this project, and there are literally no cross sells, and there are far fewer rebuttals you have to know.  Still, the thing keeping me from outright asking if I can be transferred over is the fact that I’ve yet to make a sale on this project. And now, maybe they’re not getting on me for that because I was originally hired on a different project. I don’t know.

Like I could have it worse, but I still haven’t really been doing this whole living as an independent adult thing as well as I thought I’d be able to.

This entry is already way longer than I intended for it to be, and I didn’t even go as in depth for most of it as I intended. Oops. I think I’ll end it here though. I’ll probably do another entry for the end of the year/beginning of the year, and maybe sooner if I think of some shit I left out of this entry