But she’s nearly 30 now and she’s out every night/I see that look in her face, she’s got that look in her eye/She’s thinking how did I get here and wondering why
I thought I’d get back to my roots and use song lyrics where they were applicable. I say get back to my roots, because I used to title almost every entry of mine with a song lyric.
I promised to be more regular with the pictures, but none of the pictures I took today came out, or it was one of those instances where the food just didn’t take a good picture.
It’d be like tater tot casserole. It’s delicious, but it’s not the prettiest food to photograph, you know? Same went with my meals today, but we’ll get to that in due time.
Shortly, actually. My day today was pretty boring. It was kind of cold, and it snowed for most of the day, so I didn’t go anywhere. I plan to get to the library tomorrow, because my books are due. I’m not going to turn them all in but rather renew a couple of them. I could just call the library and renew over the phone, but I want to get to the library to check some other things out, and maybe get a couple movies.
Plus I want to grab a can or two of soda. When you consider the grand scheme of things, I have been doing really well in the realm of cutting back on soda, although there is progress left to be made.
I’m sorry to tell you that I didn’t exercise today, because my dad had the day off from work, and I didn’t get enough time alone in the house to do so. Also, my back and knees have hurt lately, also my allergies are flaring up because I’m stuck in this dusty old house most of the time.
Case in point right now. I have a raging sinus headache that makes me want to claw out my eyes.
I made a pineapple upside down cake today, to make use of some pineapple we have in the fridge. Last week I cut up and sliced a pineapple that mom bought at the grocery store. It came out pretty well. I’m too lazy to hook up the camera and go through all the trouble to have that be the only picture I upload, so you can probably expect to see it tomorrow.
I also wanted to make a recipe to take advantage of the pineapple slices that were less presentable…. it’s this pineapple carrot bread, the recipe of which is underneath the zucchini bread recipe in the better homes and gardens cookbook we use. I didn’t end up making the bread today because we’re out of flour… and regular sugar. I actually had to use brown sugar in the pineapple upside down cake. Actually I lied about the flour. We have about 3/4 of a cup left, but the recipe calls for a cup and a half.
Oh well. That can wait a couple more days, but any longer than that and I’ll be freezing the pineapple slices. Don’t want ’em to go bad.
Also I need to find a use for the 1 and a half roma tomatoes we have left. I’ll probably just eat those sliced on sandwiches or in a salad or something.
Speaking of food, we have a bucket that we keep onions in. Just this morning I discovered one of them has sprouted and has cute short green shoots growing out of the top.
I want to plant it in a pot. Tomorrow I want to see if we have any potting soil, and then find something to plant the onion in, until the weather gets nice and we can plant it outside. That reminds me. I need to water the plants. Lol
Anyway. I really mean it when I say I had a boring day. I was up way earlier than I wanted to be, because I overheard my parents talking yet again. I really wish I had a door on my room, because when my parents get up at like…4:30 or 5am… I would really like a door to drown out some of their chatter, because I am not made to be awake that early unless there’s a good reason for it.
So I was up way earlier than I usually am. It’s nice in a way, but sometimes I would just rather be asleep. Anyway. I bake the pineapple upside down cake like… before 9. I’m thinking around 8 something.
I went through some more stuff in my room. I didn’t come up with anything else to give away yet, but I did come up with a bunch of paper garbage I can do without. I’m going to find containers of mine in the basement to go through to see what I can get rid of.
There are some things that I really want to keep, and other things I’d just as soon take a picture of it (so I at least have a record of it) but throw the actual paper thing out. Some of this stuff is just sitting in my room in the basement, gathering dust. Also, a lot of it’s written stuff, so I could easily type all that stuff up in a single document, and throw out the paper counterpart.
I’m discovering that I really have a lot of stuff that I’m attached to in my room right now. I went up there with the intent of finding two bags of stuff to throw or give away, but I’m afraid there’s not much more up there I would imagine wanting to part with.
My reasoning for all this? It may just be talk, but my parents got into a huge fight, a fight they have all the time, and there’s been mention of possibly splitting up, and my dad basically told me “If we split up, you’ll have nowhere to go. I’m not going to pay all your bills and support you”.
Which… I’m torn about this. I’m 24. I should be out on my own. But the problem is… I cannot find a job to save my life. I keep looking in papers and filling out/turning in applications, and even if I get interviews, I don’t get the job. I try to make myself sound really great and a good fit for the job… but it comes down to experience. I just don’t have retail experience, and if nobody will hire me because I don’t have experience, then I won’t have experience, and people will keep not hiring me because of my lack of experience.
It’s also a bit frustrating when my dad keeps bitching at me like I can just go to a warehouse somewhere and pick out the job I want, and it’s as easy as that. Even when I do actively look and put forth effort, my dad thinks that because I don’t have a job, I’m not really trying.
Sometimes I’m tempted to do nothing at all, because I get the same reaction whether or not I make an effort. I’m motivated to look for work for my own reasons, but it’s discouraging when nobody can tell the difference between when I’m actively looking and when I don’t give a shit.
Still. It scares me. Maybe I’ve been trying to distract myself from these things before now, but… if they kick me out, I will literally have nowhere to go. We have no other family that lives around here. My aunt that only lives a couple hours away is a bitch, and doesn’t like us, or me, so she wouldn’t be offering anything up. My grandma? She’s nice, and awesome and all, but she probably wouldn’t either, since she favors my aunt over my mother and our family.
My cousins live out of state. All of my old college friends, or current friends… they either live out of state, or they have real lives. They’re pregnant. They have kids. They’re married. I haven’t kept in good enough touch with them for them to be willing to take me in, I’m guessing.
And the local homeless shelter that isn’t just for men? You can only stay there a max of three months, then you’re back out on the street.
Also…Where is all my stuff going to go? I have LPs and 45s that are special to me. I have stemware and depression glass that is special. I have stuff I kept from my great aunt and uncle’s house. I have stuff from my past that is very valuable to me. What would happen to all of that?
So that’s part of the reason I’ve been trying to throw some stuff out and get rid of some stuff. If I have to get kicked out or moved into some shelter, I’ll want to try to cut down on the volume of stuff I have.
I have a feeling my parents will resist kicking me out for a while, for the sake of my brother, but even that will only last so long.
I’m trying not to freak out about this right now, because for the moment everything is holding together, but the thought of being homeless scares me.
Anyway, I’m going to list what I ate today, then I’ll be temporarily escaping my problems through the use of facebook apps, and watching Whose Line Is it Anyway videos on youtube.
Breakfast- a bowl of oatmeal squares.
Lunch- Two chicken legs, and some taco chips. I also had two graham crackers smeared with peanut butter and buttercream frosting. It’s homemade buttercream, which I am trying to use up, because it’s over a week old and needs to be used up.
Dinner- a sandwich with thin sliced turkey, sliced tomato, and some sliced cheddar cheese. I had a piece of the pineapple upside down cake for dessert.
I may have a package of fruit snacks, or some cereal to munch on, but that would be it. Also I’m still brainstorming better format and ways to make this stuff more interesting, so never fear. Anyhoo, I suppose I’ll talk to you all later