There’s a time when you’re right and you know you must fight, who’s laughing baby, don’t you know. And there’s a choice that we make and this choice you will take. Who’s laughin’ baby? So just Leave Me Alone…

-“Leave Me Alone” by Michael Jackson.
Listen to the song here:

Before this begins I have to warn you, part of it was written in a notebook before it got typed up here.

Hello there ever faithful blog goers. This entry is coming to you from my grandmother’s living room by way of a purple notebook. I might have written an entry lastnight but by the time I thought of it, it was late, and I had another matter on my mind.

You may know this already, but I am a member of an online art community called Deviant Art. Recently, I made a comment on a ‘deviation’, as the site calls them. The comment in question was on a picture titled “Undisturbed” posted by a user named ulorinvex.  She was also the one in the picture. In this picture, her ribs are very visible and prominent.

Now, I know that angles and lighting can make things look worse than they are, but the picture disturbed me nonetheless (much like the ignorance thrown at almost anyone who made a comment of that nature).

With that being said, I don’t give a damn how someone contorts their body, or the lighting at said photo shoot, in my opinion, ribs shouldn’t be that easily visible. You can try to justify it to yourself by saying it’s the body angle, oh, the lighting makes it worse, but should that be the case, you could have said something in your artists’ description, rather than let us believe that that is normal.

And at all that, it wasn’t even ulorinvex that started this episode. One of her stupid friends said, and I quote: “dont you have anything better to direct your physical fristrations towards other than people who are more physically fit than you?”.  What’s better is, the rude commenter was “policing” the comments, as she put it, for ‘dumbasses’ or what have you.

I later noticed she made a comment to ulorinvex saying ”

lol have you looked at this chicks profile?shes jealous since youre a few hundred pounds ligter than her.
i think youre beautful.i have the same body as you and i dont starve myself,its the way were built”
There are several reasons why this pisses me off. Firstly, I made the first comment on this deviation because I was concerned about ulorinvex’s health, as I am with anyone who I see that [to me] looks unnaturally skinny.
My reply to the first comment had to do with it being vain to assume that I made those comments because I was frustrated about my own fitness. Let’s look at it from a logical standpoint:
What bloody good would that fucking do?
What fucking good would it be to make comments to someone else because I was frustrated with my own fitness level? Complaining at the skinny folk will not make my waist shrink. And even then, who’s to say I wouldn’t have the same problem with this even if I was a healthy weight?
It makes no sense whatsoever.
Now granted, in my response to the “few 100 lbs” comment, I told the meanie to drop dead, and that I wouldn’t want to look like I couldn’t afford to eat (to which she replied “You must be worth millions!”), and I shouldn’t have said those things. Anyway. I also told her off for putting so much importance on someone’s appearance (In her reply, she dazzled me with her rapier wit once again by saying “blah blah blah go eat ice cream and watch chick flicks”.
How can I be bothered by comments where the author can’t even use simple punctuation or bother to consider grammar?
Wary of sounding like a bad motivational poster, it really is what is inside someone that is more important, and I suppose I could thank the meanie for making me stop and think about that.
It was around this time that I posted a journal on DeviantArt about it, in which I posted a link to the deviation in question.
My best friend who uses this site is also on that one, and she made some comments. The same user being mean to me was also being a git towards my friend, and I could continue to tolerance the meanie’s ignorance until she made a comment directed towards my friend that said, and I quote ”
youre dumb as hell im defending someone who i share a similarity with you fat hog now fuck off and die
look in the ignorant bitch”.
That was where the line was crossed, and that was when I reported her.
Granted, I said some things I probably shouldn’t have, and I apologized, but getting so downright nasty? That hadn’t needed to happen. And I’m hoping the deviant art mods see it the same way. I even said I was backing down and giving up trying to have a real discussion with the meanie, and yet she continued to draw things out, further drawing them out talking to my friend.
The funny thing is, my initial comment was not the nicest thing in the world, granted, but it was nowhere near as awful as what the meanie started saying.
Besides. It was not her goddam battle to fight. It was between myself and ulorinvex. I don’t give a shit if the comments were public. It was not her place to butt in and decide she needed to police the comments for so called ‘ignorance’ or dumb shits or whatever the fuck she called it.  I don’t care.
I tried to walk away from this and say I wasn’t going to acknowledge any more comments but once you’re making unfounded comments about my slender friend like ‘you fat hog, fuck off and die, ignorant bitch’, I’m going to get involved.
I feel it’s partly my responsibility to stand up for my friend because if it hadn’t been for me, my friend would probably have never found this ‘Undisturbed’ deviation in the first place.
What’s ironic is, I wasn’t the only one who was getting shit for a differing opinion, I was just one of the few that didn’t let it fall to anonymity. I stood my goddam ground.
But enough about that. I don’t want this just to be a rant.
After I wrote part of what you see above, we (myself, my brother, mother, and my grandparents) ate lunch, and then my bro and I walked downtown to browse a giant three floor antique mall, which had a bunch of amazing things, including some sweet stemware glasses that made me seriously consider borrowing money from my brother.
You know, I didn’t mention this before, but I used to live about an hour and a half from the town my grandparents live in.
One reason I love that area is because I get a relaxing, laid back sort of feeling. But the coin has another side. It can also feel very cut off and isolated from the rest of humanity, and I think the whole five years I lived around there, I felt that as well.
My attitude was, to put it lightly, absolutely horrible when I lived there. I guess I didn’t notice that cut off, detatched feeling waning and eventually all but disappearing until I go back to places like that. I get the same sort of feeling, only I know I will be able to leave in a few hours, or whatever.
It’s strange.
Okay.  Change of subject.
A while back, online, I entered for a chance to win a trip to Rock & Roll Fantasy Camp. In the email today, I got a thing saying I was the runner up which would get a $300 discount when I signed up for one of the camps.
Here’s the thing though.
The minimum cost for that shit is almost $2000. The VIP pack costs $2,500. The Platinum rock star five day camp cost–get this— ten thousand big ones. $10k.
That’s ten thousand goddam dollars. Even for the minimum one that costs two thousand bucks.. Even with my goddam coupon, and the 320 bucks I have in the bank,  I’d have to pull  $1,380  out of thin air.
Now, I might have actually considered registering for one of the stupid one day things if Roger Daltrey was still involved, but this year’s involvement, while it is somewhat impressive, is nothing I’d write home about.
I was still pissed because for a split second when I saw the email’s headline I went, “OMG, did I actually win a sweepstakes” but, it wasn’t to be. Whatever.
In other news. I am still stoked about seeing Styx at the Surf Ballroom on August 29th.
My dad works Saturdays at a local radio station like I mentioned before, and he said he’d talk to one of the guys (Mark Skaar), to see if he could get me backstage real quick to meet Tommy Shaw.
I’m torn on the subject. I’m not holding out all my hope on the sliver of a chance that it’ll happen, but I’ve got a little bit of hope. Because that would just kick ass. But like I said, I am not going to die if it doesn’t happen. I’ll be a little disappointed, sure, but I won’t be crestfallen over it or anything.
Anyway. The family’s trip to the Minnesota Zoo was a blast, I took a bunch of great pictures that I may post in an upcoming entry but I’m too tired to want to bother with that all right now. Considering I have pictures from the zoo to go through, plus I’ve got roughly 60 pictures I took today to sort through and considering I have to work tomorrow morning I really don’t want to mess with it right now.
Speaking of work.
 I work tomorrow during the day, and Saturday during the day, but this Sunday is the Pope Family Reunion, and it will be my first Sunday off since I started working at PM Park.
As I’ve mentioned before, I will soon start looking for another job. The boss lady at PM Park owns another place, The Colony Inn, and I’m going to ask if I could stay on as a dishwasher there once the season at PM Park ended. It might be a bit of a long shot, who knows, but it’s worth a try.
Even if I did get guaranteed that, I would still want to look for a bit of extra work, a search that I will start with Hanford Inn, a hotel that called me back shortly after I got hired at PM Park, but you’ve heard that one before so I will stop myself.
Besides. This entry is plenty long.
I will probably grace you with an entry after the family reunion. ;D

Just a fool waiting on the wrong block…

-“Fool in the Rain”, by Led Zeppelin.

Let’s see. Where were we? Ah, yes.

When we last left me (four days ago, lol) I was babbling about the shopping trip I’d been on, etc. I am proud to say that my car now has a full tank of gas, and I now have a grand total of 320 bucks in my savings account. Which is good news. I have enough for the second part to Amanda and Ryan’s wedding gift and a couple extra dollars which might just get stuffed in the glove compartment of my car for those times when I’m trying to scrape together each and every last cent that I can find. xD Change under the seats, that sort of thing.

Okay. So, I’ve mentioned this before, but a while ago my parents bought two package tickets to the ‘Summer of Rock’ thing going on at the Surf Ballroom. A series of three concerts. My parents went to the first (Foghat and Blue Oyster Cult), and my dad and I went to the second one lastnight (Georgia Satellites and Marshall Tucker Band). Now, on Saturdays, my dad is a DJ on a local radio station. They’re normally a mix station (that leans way too close to country) but on weekends they play music from the 60s and 70s. Anyway. Turns out dad knows one of the guys that work on my favorite station, a local classic rock station.

Long story short: I got to meet three of the djs that work at my favorite radio station, James Shaman, Mark Skaar, and Bruce Wasenius. I was like. OMG.

Reason 1 why I was starstruck: Other than rarely switching my car radio over to the soft rock station, 103.7 The Fox is pretty much the only station I listen to, ever. Reason number 2: I had literally listened to James Shaman on the radio at work earlier the very same day. Pretty sure Bruce was on the radio then too because they had James on location at the North Iowa Fair, I believe.  Another reason, okay. If you heard Mark dj, the way his voice sounds, you’d think he was a stuffy old, hoity toity radio guy, because he has that quintessential radio guy voice.  But… He’s not a stuffy old man. He’s like a hippie.  Long hair pulled back into a ponytail. He’s younger than his age suggests, I think (yes, that makes sense). And let me just say that for a guy in his 40s, he wasn’t all that bad looking.. ^^; But they asked if we were going to see Styx, and I said yeah, and all three of them said things like “Oh, they put on a great show, you’ll really enjoy them” and such.

It was just really awesome to meet these guys I listen to on the radio all the time.

As for the concerts, despite not knowing many songs, I enjoyed it for the most part. We left partway through the Marshall Tucker Band’s set because it was almost midnight, and I had to work this morning at 8.

Work today was decent. I had a little bit of a breakfast rush, but not because the place was packed, but because the few people that did come in were in larger groups. After that it was a decent workload. Not so much that I was overwhelmed, but not so slow that I was sitting around for half the day. 

I got home at around 3pm. My brother and I went to the park because there was an arts fair there. As usual everything was too expensive but we had fun looking, anyway. And we got sno-cones. Our first real sno-cones of summer and [dare I say it] the end of summer is in sight. I mean we still have the entire month of August pretty much, but it’s still a startling idea. I swear summer just started two weeks ago.

Where the bloody Hell did summer go?

I love summer. As far as summers go, in terms of extreme temperatures, this summer has been decent.  It took a lot longer than usual for the temperatures to start getting really hot (i.e. you’re sitting around doing nothing and still sweating like a marathon runner), but those days of extreme heat have been fewer and farther between than past summers that I remember…

When it hits August, I’m in a weird, nostalgic sort of mood. Part of that is because of the Pope family reunion early in the month. Sitting at the reunion, before lunch, it’s like a crapload of my memories are sporadically seeping out the cracks in the box of my mind. Strange, I know. The whole month is kind of like that, though… The beginning of fall is especially nostalgic for me for some reason, though I’m not sure exactly why. You know, sometimes it’s still warm enough to be able to comfortably go outside in a tee shirt and jeans, and sometimes you need to put on a light jacket or hoodie. If the weather could always be as it is in early September, I would be happy.

Wrapping things up. Beginning in 3…2…1

Okay. I’m not really a fan of the idea of working tomorrow, but as usual I’ll end up doing it anyway. Besides. Even if I wanted to switch, my brother works tomorrow so I’d have nobody to switch with. Besides, as I’ve said a bajillion times before, I need the money. My back just hurts right now. I mean, I worked Friday, stood for three hours straight at the concert lastnight, I worked all day today… It’s feeling a little strained today, but once I have a day to rest it’ll probably be okay. Like most of the pain will most likely go away while I’m sleeping, and it won’t be back until 1-2pm, the tail end of work.

The only downsides to working tomorrow are 1, they have the breakfast buffet, which we won’t be allowed to take down until after lunch (1pm at the earliest). And then from there it’s all an easy downhill bike ride because once we get caught up with dishes, and get all the buffet pans clean we can leave. It shouldn’t be too bad. I hope it won’t be, anyway. Because I only have a day to rest, because the family is going to the Minnesota Zoo on Tuesday I believe (dad’s radio connections got us free tickets). Not that that will be real taxing or anything, we’ll just be walking around all day. ^^; 

Well, I’m off to myspace or facebook to do a couple surveys, or to DeviantArt to submit a few pics.

Later. ^_~

Well, I’m not the kind to live in the past, the years run too short and the days too fast. The things you lean on are the things that don’t last…

Well, it’s just now
And then my line gets cast into these
Time passages
There’s something back here that you left behind
Oh, time passages
Buy me a ticket on the last train home tonight…
-“Time Passages” by Al Stewart
(Listen to the song here: )

Today was a great day. My brother and I planned to eat lunch at China Buffet, then go see the movie Mamma Mia, then do some shopping.

The day began on schedule, only my mother decided to come with us, so she was driving, and we went in her car. She dropped my brother and I off at the restaurant and did some shopping herself.

It was a lot of fun. I didn’t eat nearly as much as I used to when going to places like that, which I’m proud of. After we were done my mother came by and got us, then dropped us off at the movie theatre. We’d planned on seeing the 1:30 showing or whatever.

So, only after mom drove off did we learn that my town’s bank bought out the 1:30 showing. Even though there was no sold out notice on the website, and no signs, I would have been okay with it had it not been for the ticket girl’s attitude when telling us. When I asked for the tickets, she went “Actually, that’s a private showing, so the next show is at 3:45.”, but the way she said it just made me angry. My brother can vouch for this, but the girl just said that in a spoiled brat tone of voice. It’s like, you could have said “That is a private showing, I’m sorry, but you’ll have to come back for the 3:45 showing” or something.

But, whatever.

So, after we call mom to tell her she has to come back and get us, this dude that was with the bank said “Actually, not very many people are showing up, you can still watch the movie if you don’t mind a bank person saying a bit before hand”. Even if we hadn’t already told my mother she had to drive halfway across town again, I’m sorry but being in a theatre full of bank workers and having to listen to their bank propaganda is not my idea of fun.

So we just swithed our plans around a little and went shopping a bit before the movie. My mother had already seen the movie, but decided to again. She didn’t want to waste the money on a ticket but she would have spent more in gas going somewhere else and then having to come get us again.

Mamma Mia was an amazing movie. I mean, I love Abba’s music so even if the acting had turned out badly, the songs would have kept it from being a disaster.

But really. The movie was just.. amazing. I loved it. And, let me just say that Colin Firth is one of the sexiest men on the planet. He just oozes British sexiness. So, I wanted to freak out when he was wearing a button up shirt that was like half unbuttoned, but later on in the movie he didn’t have a shirt on at all, so I was like, staring at the screen with my mouth hanging open.

I don’t know what it is about British men, but next to musicians, good looking British guys is like, a huge weakness of mine.

But enough about that.

I got a lot of cool stuff today. I got a blue multicolored shirt with the same sort of cut as the red and black shirt I got when staying with Vanessa, which is good because the style of the shirt really hides my size, which is sweet. I also got a cheap heart necklace/earring set, I got a new pair of jeans, I got a cheap retro shirt and a Beatles tee shirt at JC Penny’s. With getting my medications refilled, that was pretty much it.

I also bought a wedding present and card for two of my friends that are getting married to each other lol. I’m so excited. The gift is gonna be wicked, and personal, but I don’t say anything else. I doubt Amanda reads this blog but just in case I’m shutting up!

Anyway. The reason I chose the song I did is that lastnight, and today, I’ve been strangely contemplative. I don’t really know why.

One reason is the job and money issue. I’m finally starting to wake up to reality. I know I spent about 100 bucks today but it was on things I needed, for the most part. I needed more jeans, and I keep wearing the same like, 8 shirts all the time. Also, my medications needed refilling. My mom pretty much paid for lunch and the movie even though I told her I’d be fine. It wasn’t that expensive for the buffet since we had the lunch buffet, and the movie was a matinee so it was cheap also. We smuggled in a box of Dots, and I only got a large drink so that my mom, brother and I could share.

Another thing is, I know I’ve realized I don’t need to be in a relationship to survive, and I know being in one doesn’t automatically fix life or anything but I am a bit lonely. I don’t really go anywhere but work, and aside from my brother I really don’t hang out with anyone. I rarely talk to people outside of work.. it’s just.. I don’t know what my friends are up to and it’s been so long since I’ve talked to them that it would feel strange all of a sudden calling them up.

I wonder if they’ve moved on and kind of forgotten me or something. I mean, I haven’t seen most of these people since like, February or earlier… I most likely won’t be in school in the fall (if the earning money things goes well I might splurge and go out for Choir again because I miss it), but most likely I’ll just be trying to save up money to move out.

I feel like it’s a good time to start setting that goal. I get paid from my job on Friday and it should be a nicely sized check. I need to save a bit out for gas (to make sure I have enough to drive to Osage for Amanda and Ryan’s wedding), and a little bit for the second part to their gift, but other than that it’s going in the bank.

I believe I mentioned this before but when August hits, I’ll be looking for another job. Work with PM Park will continue through September at the least, so I’ll have a bit of time to job search. Just today I grabbed an application while my mother, brother and myself were at Hobby Lobby.

I’m just so glad I’m learning. Work sucks, sure, but you have to do it.  I know I’ll have to work more than I am now to make moving out happen, but I think I’m ready to accept that fact. I just want to thank the people that stuck by me through my spoiled brat ranting about work. I remember when I was working at Arby’s, I could barely handle a there or four hour shift, but here I am, regularly working 8 hours and not having a problem with it.

Progress. That’s a good thing. Speaking of that, my horoscope today kinda made sense to me:

“Just like you shouldn’t get on a scale every day when you’re on a diet, you can’t constantly stare at the finish line if you want to win the race. You have to think about the here and now, not the there and later. Get confident about the fact that you are making progress — even if you’re not getting any outside reinforcement of that fact. You must keep on keeping on, and not make the mistake of putting your mind to anything but the task at hand.”

I know horoscopes aren’t always right on or anything, but when I get ones like this, it keeps me from being completely skeptical about the whole thing.

You know what mellow song you need to listen to? Thursday’s Child, by Davod Bowie. I know, that was completely weird and random, but you need to. Go listen to it now: . Good song, I promise.

Tomorrow, I think I’m going to go out and about and take some pictures. I also had an idea. There’s a really awesome photographer in the area that works at a place called Images photography, and I had a wild notion to get together some of my pictures and ask if I could possibly shadow him or volunteer to be an assistant or something. I really want to learn more about photography, and photographing people, and I admire his work. He took my senior pictures and he was amazing to work with.

We listened to David Bowie the whole time, and he was amazed that a kid my age (I was a junior in HS) knew all the words to like, all of the songs. He might turn me down flat, but it’s worth a shot anyway. Still. When I finally decide to go in, my brother is going with me for moral support. Because honestly, I’d never go in all by myself, I’ve never been that bold. Maybe when I’m drunk, sure, but I doubt he’ll want to work with me if the first thing he notices about me is the fact that I smell like a case of malt liquor. xD

Anyway. I’m off to do other internet things, so I will talk to you later. 😉


I wanna cry but I breathe a sigh…

-Def Leppard, “Breathe a Sigh”.

So, as you may or may not know I had to work today. As usual, it was slow as hell. I had a wicked sense of deja vu today, because the start was eerily like last Friday. I had to break down some cardboard boxes to take out the recycle bin, and I had to, once again, cut the fat off five huge hunks of pork tenderloin (the exact same amount I had to mess with last Friday). I also got to check the lake shore by the restaurant for garbage. Luckly it was pretty clean trash wise (I found a sandle, a crushed empty can of Bud Lite, and two empty plastic beer bottles). Messing with the pork was around, I wanna say 11:30. I got these horrid gut wrenching cramps.

Frankly, I’ve had to deal with this demon once a month since I was in the 6th grade. In almost ten years, I can only remember having worse cramps maybe twice.

In addition, my allergy medication was kind of making me dizzy (it warns on the package it may cause dizziness). On top of the fact that I slept like crap lastnight. I was up for at least three (probably more) hours with cramps, in addition to waking up every hour or two when I actually could sleep. It was great. Let me tell you.

Around noon, I was about ready to drown myself in some dirty dishwater. If I hadn’t been recruited to help cut fat off the tenderloins, I wouldn’t have had any dishes accumulated, so we weren’t getting much business, as usual. I asked the boss lady if she knew how long I was supposed to be there because I wasn’t feeling very well and I was having unbearable cramps. I didn’t lie either because at that point the cramps hurt so bad I was actually having trouble having a conversation without wanting to yell out in pain.

She let me go home at noon. I don’t feel that bad about it because I earned fifty bucks on Thursday for five hours of work (hotel cleaning), and I earned almost thirty today for four hours of work as a dishwasher. Not that big of a hit.

Believe me. I need the money, I would have stayed if the pain had been something I could handle. Like at first, I was a little uncomfortable but I could still handle it. I had hoped it wouldn’t get worse, and I had taken tylenol only three hours earlier so I was a bit confused as to why I was getting cramps at all.

But yeah. I got home and watched tv for a couple hours. I popped in my dvd of Def Leppard videos intending to watch my favorites from it (Photograph, Love Bites, Two Steps Behind, Have You Ever Needed Someone So Bad, When Love and Hate Collide,  Slang), but I decided to watch Pour Some Sugar On Me instead. After that video was over, a sudden wave of inspiration struck.

I walked to Econo Foods to get some batteries for my digital camera, then I walked to the library to turn in a couple dvds I checked out, and to look up a book that want [I’d have to inter library loan it again.. Goddamit Dougal your stupid book about Moonie is going to cost me 30 bucks on if I want to get it, you ass. 😉 I’d have gotten it on eBay but I couldn’t find it.]

With the exception of my last Municipal band practice (I’ve been calling it community band but it’s actually called municipal band) that’s pretty much all I’ve done. Our last two concerts for this year are tomorrow and Sunday. I’m kind of sad. Not because band is ending, but because I will no longer have an excuse to leave work early on Sundays. xP

Speaking of band, the director is full of shit. That BS about not having me sing to give other people in the community a chance to perform, well I hate to break it to you, but this year, all the vocalists except ONE are people who sang before, some more than once.

I’d really like to confront the director about it but it wouldn’t accomplish anything but pissing him off and possibly hurting my chances of getting to sing next year. Still.  He could have just told me he didn’t want me to sing this year and I wouldn’t have been bothered quite so much (though I’d still be a little cross).


I got another medical bill today, so I’m almost $1,250 in medical debt. And, I’m not elligable for Title 19 because I’m over 21, and I don’t meet any of the other requirements. And, since I still live at home, I’m going to go out on a limb and say I’m fairly certain I can’t get any financial assistance because my parents make too much money. I mean, never mind the fact that they don’t pay any of my bills. I pay for my medications. I’m paying for gas for my car. I’m making my student loan payments. They’re only letting me stay here because I would be homeless otherwise.

I’m lucky they aren’t going to start charging me rent because then the rut I’m in would be that much deeper.

So, I have to go to workforce development to see if I can get any assistance anyway, but I’m just going to have to tell the medical people that I’m going to pay a minimum $25 a month, because if I can’t get assistance from anywhere, that is the ONLY way I’ll be able to afford to pay my bill. If the medical people don’t like that, tough. That’s the way it is and I will not back down on my position. I’ll tell them it’s their fault for having such a shitty system.

I mentioned my non eligability for Title 19 to my dad and he said we could see how much a health insurance policy for me would be, but that doesn’t matter because I’d still have to pay like $1000 at first anyway.  Besides. I wouldn’t be able to afford it.

I don’t care if I have to go hungry every other day. If I can find an appropriately cheap apartment I am going to move out in the next six months. I will skimp on food if I have to, but I cannot stay living here because 1, it’s driving me nuts, and 2, I’ll have a better chance of getting financial assistance if I live on my own.

Plus, let’s face it. I’m 21 goddam years old. It’s high time I stopped depending on my parents.

On a lighter note, only like 40 days until I see Styx at the Surf Ballroom. I’m going to sing and scream my ass off. I hope I won’t have to work on August 29th (which is a Friday). If I do it’ll have to be during the day because I am NOT NOT NOT going to miss that concert.

Okay, jumping around a bit, I browsed some classified ads for apartments for rent and whether I’m in Clear Lake or Mason City I’m going to end up paying 250-400 bucks a month for rent. Which means if I saved up 3000 bucks with food, student loan payments, and shit I’d only be able to afford about six months (going on the assumption that rent is 300 a month).

I hope I can get another job once the season at PM Park is over (in approx. two and a half months).

Let’s do some hypothetical estimating. If I work three days a week, an average of six hours a day. At $7.25 an hour that’d be 135 bucks a week. If I estimate that I’ll have ten more weeks of work, with the 160 already in savings, I’d only have about 1500 bucks. Only about half of the minimum amount I want to have before I move out. Although I’m not counting having to pay for my medications again, the 25 a month for the medical bill…

Maybe I can pester the boss into letting me work at her other restaurant… Or maybe I can ask about a hotel housekeeping job at Hanford Inn (I think they tried to call me but I had already gotten the PM Park job).

I wish I owned something of value so I could sell it. I wonder how much my beanie baby bear collection is worth. That’s really the only thing I can think of that would even have a tiny sliver of a chance of being sold somewhere.

Okay. Wow. I’m going to stop rambling now and go to bed. I have to work at 8am tomorrow.

Burn it up, let’s go for broke, watch the night go up in smoke…

-‘Rock of Ages’, by Def Leppard.

OMG. This 75% humidity can kiss my ass. It’s too goddam hot outside. If it felt like 80, which is what the temperature is suppsed to be, it wouldn’t be so bad. That’s one thing I liked about going to California.. It might have been like 85+ degrees the whole two weeks we were there but at least there wasn’t so much humidity. Goddammit.


On Wednesday, my family and I were day trippers. xD We went to St. Paul. Our primary reason for going was to drop off a crapload of books to the Books for Africa place (they donate books to poorer schools across Africa). But, my mom didn’t want to go all the way to St. Paul just for that, so we planned a little day trip. After we dropped off the books, we went to Como Park and Zoo. The zoo is a smaller one and is free to get in (they ask a $2.00 donation but don’t require it). It was an okay place, but I swear practically every school in Minnesota decided to take a field trip there on the same day. It was way crowded.

Then, we had a picnic lunch, and went to the science museam in St. Paul… They had a Star Wars exhibit. Call me a nerd but I totally took pictures of Han Solo and Chewie’s outfits… And Obi Wan (from Episode III). All I could think was, ‘OMG, Ewan McGregor was in these clothes at one time omgomgomg’. And Darth Vader. I mean come on.

That outfit is really fucking tall, I’d have to stand on a table to barely be able to look him in the eye lol.

They had some other cool stuff.

Anyway. Next on my list (yes, I did make a list). Work today was slow as hell, but for the most part was way fun. Probably because I got to work with the cool cook. She’s an older lady, probably in her like 40s or something (not saying that’s that old because it’s not!). She’s just older than me. Anyway. She listens to the classic rock station, which means I get to actually hear songs I know and not just the tripe they play on the regular rock stations around here. In the morning, when the cook went to turn on one of the waffle makers, she discovered that there was a waffle in there from god knows when. Let me put it this way. It was supposed to be a regular waffle but it looked like a charred chocolate waffle. It was that bad.

And. It was so slow that I got to cut the fat off five of these huge, long hunks of raw pork tenderloin. I mean I already want to try being vegetarian, if work keeps that crap up I might just become one xD.

Anyhoo. Back to my radio talk. The radio played two songs by Queen (Keep Yourself Alive, and Another One Bites the Dust), one song by The Who (I can’t explain), two songs by ACDC (I can’t remember the second one but the first was Girl’s Got Rythym), and a song by Led Zeppelin (When the Levee Breaks, which totally reminds me of Def Leppard’s drummer Rick Allen. 😀 ). After I left the radio played ‘Rock of Ages’ by Def Leppard (in the car). I mean goddam. I wish they’d play at least a song each by four of my all time favorite bands (Queen, The Who, Def Leppard, Led Zeppelin) EVERY day.

Anyway. I left at three, but I found out I could have been gone by two (One of the cooks didn’t tell me that the boss had said I could leave). But I was like, oh well. You want to pay me an extra $7.25, go riiiight ahead. 😉 

So, as you know I got paid on Thursday. Like 254 bucks. Well. To make a long story short, my SAVINGS ACCOUNT has 160 bucks in it. I kept out the rest because I needed to put gas in my car, and pretty soon my prescriptions will need to be refilled. I put 40 (technically 40.01, dammit) bucks worth of gas in my car, set aside forty for when I get my prescriptions refilled, and the rest I used to get a can of Doubleshot Espresso for myself, and a bottle of strawberry daquiri flavored juice for my brother. And, I bought a bottle of pop to take to band practice.

I had municipal (I call it community) band practice at 7, which was okay. It didn’t go too awfully long or anything. We got out right at 9, which is when we’re supposed to get out anyway. The sky was amazing, so I wanted to run to state park to take pictures. I stopped at home to grab my guitar, and then I went over. Except, by the time I got there, it was too dark. My camera hates the dark.

So, I decided to just play around on my guitar a bit.

*game show buzzer noise*

Noooope. In addition to not being able to remember the chords to ‘Fields of Gold’ by Sting, I was getting bitten by a mosquito every like three seconds, I swear. I could barely play a chord ONE time without being bitten. I was kinda pissed but I was like, fuck it, I’m leaving before I get west nile virus or malaria something. xD

Okay. I work tomorrow during the day, and my brother works the evening. We both work on Sunday during the day but I have to leave early because I have a band concert at 3.

In other news, only 48 days until I see Styx at the Surf Ballroom. I am stoked. 😀

In case you needed me to tell you, I’m still very much in Def Leppard mode.

And, I made a decision today.

I’m going to eat ONLY when I’m actually hungry. ONLY when I actually feel hungry. Not because I ‘feel like I should eat something’ even if I’m not hungry. I am only going to eat when I am physically hungry. Since it’s way too fucking hot for me to feel like exercising much, I figure the least I can do is stop eating when I’m not goddam hungry.

Okay. I’m done. It’s like 10:45pm and I have to work tomorrow morning. I kinda enjoy going to bed a little earlier (on nights where I have to work the next day) because I’m a tiny bit less bitchy in the morning when I get up. 🙂

Gotta let it go…

-Def Leppard.

I apologize. I had a hell of a time picking a song title or lyric to use, and this was the best I could come up with! ^^;

Anyway, I have some okay news.

You know that creepy guy at work (the oaf)? The one who was slow, mean, foreboding, and all that jazz?

He got fired.

I wouldn’t know this yet, but my mother went in to give her hours (she helps out during weddings/family reunions) and ask about my brother and I’s hours this week.

I didn’t mention this before because my brother hadn’t talked to the boss lady yet (he did that this morning), but the oaf actually said some things to my brother that it’s not appropriate for an adult of 30+ years to say to a 16 year old. I don’t think that factored into his getting fired, since he was fired before today. Still. I’m so glad he got fired. Personally, if hiring people were up to me, I wouldn’t have hired him in the first place.

But then again, even though he does give off this unmistakable vibe that sets off one’s fight or flight senses, it wouldn’t be fair to not hire someone just based on a feeling.. Sometimes these feelings, or first impressions, can be wrong… So I guess I wouldn’t have known straight away..

Even so. I’m so glad I won’t have to worry about working with him again.

Plain and simple, he downright scared me. So much so that I wouldn’t disagree with him or even say anything because I was afraid it’d set him off. I mean, he wasn’t one of those people that will explode the second you disagree with them.. Still.

Once when he was angry for some reason (I think it was the boss telling him something), while washing dishes, he was throwing and shoving shit around. Even dishes and other breakable things. I mean, what had happened if he’d chucked a coffee pot and the glass had flown everywhere? I was right goddam there. Could have poked my eye out or something. But enough about that.

Another work related thing. Originally, the boss had planned for my brother to work Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, and for me to work Saturday and Sunday, but my brother offered me Friday.

Inner conflict! When I heard that, I was like. Dammit. Even my brother knows that I need the money worse than he does, so I’ll end up working it. I know I need to, and will end up telling my brother that once he gets home.. It’s just one of those things that you know you ‘have’ to do, but you really don’t want to. It’s not even that bad, at all, and what would I be doing at home but sitting on my ass all day?

That’s kinda what I like about this job, though. What with lifting big stacks of plates and running all over the restaurant, it’s like they’re paying me to exercise all day. xD

One thing that does get on my nerves is, out of all the hired people around the restaurant, dishwashers are the only ones without set shifts. I guess we’re supposed to work from 8am-3pm. But we never get out at 3.

Now granted, I know everybody has to stay until the work is done… And it’s not a big problem for me because while working like 10 hour days isn’t ideal, I can handle it. I would just prefer not to. But then again if wishes were horses, beggars would ride, you know? I actually just thought of this because the other day when I was working a day, the oaf was supposed to be in at three. I believe I said this before, but he worked from 8-noon, and was then supposed to come back at three, and work the evening. My brother was scheduled for the evening, and wasn’t supposed to come in until 6. Well, I left around 5:30 I believe, and the oaf didn’t show up until right after my brother got there.

One more thing. PM Park has a few hotel rooms. My mother mentioned to the boss about how I know how to clean hotel rooms, and some time next week (like Wednesday or Thursday), I’m going in at 8am… I will of course need someone to teach me the specifics (what chemicals they use to clean the bathroom, where the laundry room is, etc) but it’s a job I can pretty much just jump right into. It might take me a couple weeks to get back into the housekeeping swing of things but if I had any doubts as to my ability I’d have told my family not to mention it at all.


Actually I lied. It was payday today, which I thought was strange since we usually get paid every two weeks, on Friday. But anyway.

This time I got like 254 bucks. I need to save out like 75 bucks. First reason is, I want to start making payments on my $1178 medical bill. My dad and I are supposed to make a trip to Mercy sometime and work out a payment plan where I pay 25 or 50 bucks a month on it… I’ll probably lean towards the $25 a month, but whatever happens happens. The next reason I need to keep some out is, pretty soon here I’ll need to refill my prescriptions and that costs about 30-40 bucks. Depending on if the idiots at the pharmacy get me Claritin D versus the generic version that I was actually prescribed. Dur.

Anyway. That leaves me $179 to start up my savings account again, which I will be doing tomorrow after work. I’d have done it tomorrow morning but since I’ll be taking that shift for my brother I’ll work during the day.

Almost 180 bucks in my savings. This is good news. That is all money that I’ll be saving up to move out. Yes I know you’ve heard it before, but once I move out, I’ll be able to get more assistance with all kinds of stuff like Title 19, financing stuff at the mental health center, probably with paying for school, etc.

It becomes a little more evident every day, but moving out is something that I need to do.  I’ll stop right there because I’m pretty sure you’d be bored to death because you’ve heard it so many times before. I’m just wondering how much I should have saved up before I actually do move out… I was thinking maybe 3000+ bucks? Just so I could cover rent for a bit in case I had trouble finding a job… Which I know I will.

I’m not sure [about the amount] though. Any suggestions by you independent folk would be lovely.

That gets me thinking. When I actually do move out, I’ll have like no furniture or anything. I’ll have a few shelves that I used in the dorms, a small stand fan, a microwave, a small tv, and a vcr…. ^^; I’m betting my parents would let me use the futon, as we got a new couch and the futon is just chilling on our front porch. They might also let me use a rocking chair, as the two of them we have really don’t fit on the front porch too well.

OKAY! Enough of my mindless rambling. I don’t know when I’ll write an entry again but if work is interesting tomorrow I might write then.


But if this ever changing world in which we live in makes you give in and cry… say ‘Live and let die’.

-Paul McCartney.

I’m back! 😀 Finally.

I might have written earlier today, but I didn’t get off work until about 5-5:30. So, it’s been a few days since I’ve been home from Vanessa’s, and I can safely say we had a blast. Well, I did anyway. ;D It was a fun, Def Leppard filled three and a half days. We went to this amazing Beatles themed bar called Sgt Peppers, and it’s just… the best bar in the world. The first time Vanessa and I went there, it was DEAD in there (seeing as it was like, what, a Monday night?) and the bartender let us request songs (as the music played there was on a computer). We got cheap drinks, too. And the atmosphere is amazing. Next time I go to Ames to visit (either around my birthday in October, or more likely, closer to New Years/Christmas) I HAVE to go to that bar. The second time we went, a different bartender let us watch South Park on one of the tvs when these other people wanted to watch Celebrity poker. 🙂 And they had a deal on shots, two for the price of one. Which was sweet.

It was just a fun time. I did not get to take the amazing picture idea I had, as the day I wanted to do it, let’s just say that all four people in the house at the time probably had mahoosive hangovers, and two of the four people had a little bit of an argument that morning. Didn’t get to listen to any records, and as a matter of fact I brought like five records that I accidentally left there. I hope Blake doesn’t like, rape my Led Zeppelin III record lol.

But, I got a massive dose of Def Leppard. I can’t count how many times I watched Def Leppard videos. I even watched the episode of Classic Albums on “Hysteria”, and a video/concert dvd Vanessa has. There was a terribly adorable bit with Phil Collen and Rick Allen. Phil goes “I’m Phil Collen”, and right after he said that, Rick went “But I’m not!”  and then Joe (who was there but not on camera for the first bit) laughed like a nerd. xD

Also, listening to any of them talk is just like… sweet. I love their accents. Sav has an especially cute accent, I could listen to him say “1988” like twenty times in a row, and I wouldn’t get sick of it. xD Not to mention Sav is adorable when he wears glasses. And, he’s got the best hair ever. In the 80s, he could have been on hair spray commercials. Even in the most recent pictures of him, he’s got this sort of shiny, silky looking blonde hair that I’d KILL for lol.

Also, we stopped at a piercing place in Ames, and I got my nose repierced, and for only 20 bucks. Around here, I can’t get one for any less than like, 30. I LOVE the feeling of having it back.

Also also, (lol), during my trip to Ames, I got a bunch of weird soda and candy from the Asian food store, and I actually brought some home this time. Another store we went to was really awesome, they sold things like jewelry, incense, some fabric, it was just really sweet. I got a few random sticks of insense, and a box of like 8 sticks of patchouli scented incense. It’s a unique scent but I really like it. I totally only bought it because of the song “Year of the Cat” by Al Stewart.. ^^; Lol.

But anyway.

Okay. Today’s Saturday. On Thursday, a Beatles tribute band was playing in the park, and I stayed for all three of their sets. It was pretty awesome. I even got my picture with the band. I took a crapton of pictures of them. It seems like I’m obsessed with the guy who was playing John, but I just had to be on that side of the stage if I wanted to be as close [to the stage] as I was. I put some videoclips of them on YouTube. I still haven’t gone through the pictures, because I still have too many I took at Vanessa’s to do stuff with, and I just don’t feel like it right now. I mean it’s weird. I can be motivated and unmotivated at the same time. I can’t really explain it.


Work today was a killer. It was a damn strange day. I started out alone, but not long after I got there, the dishwasher I DON’T like came in. He was actually in a decent mood today, which made me feel kind of bad for acting like an ass to him. I mean, he acted like an ass to me before so it’s only natural that I did the same… Then, some kid that works at the other restaurant the boss owns came in. At first, I didn’t think we needed three dishwashers. As it is, the dishwasher I don’t like left at noon, because he was works tonight, but whatever.

The day started out okay, but there were a couple points where I wanted to cry. At one point I seem to remember one of the cooks telling the ‘oaf’ something about how they never noticed he was there, something about being that good, blah blah blah, whatever, and I wanted to just burst out right there.

Do I ever get complimented? Barely at all. Only by the servers (one of which, I’m pretty sure thinks I’m special ED or something, the way she talks to me). I work really hard at this, and the guy who practically takes three fifteen minute smoke breaks in one day is the one that gets the compliment? I felt like I wasn’t appreciated. I remember the ‘oaf’ saying something like, the boss lady talked about the dishwasher from the Colony and how he could probably handle a Sunday all by himself, that’s how good he was, and I was like… UGH.

I don’t know if the boss actually would say that, or if the oaf is making it up, because I’m fairly certain he’s not honest all the time. But it added to the fact that I already felt like I couldn’t do anything right.

It was hella busy before too long. Because they had the breakfast buffet today. Usually that only goes on on Sunday, but NOOO, they had to have it today. Most days, it’s usually quiet with spurts of downtime here and there. Today it was like that, only the other way around. At one point, I was almost completely caught up and everything, and then I get three FULL bus tubs at once. At this point, the dishwasher from the Colony Inn (the other restaurant the boss lady owns/runs/whatever) had left, because he was scheduled at the Colony, and the other dishwasher of course had left, so I was completely swamped there for a while. In addition to the three bus tubs at once, they kept coming. And that doesn’t even include all the huge pans and dishes I was getting from them taking down the buffet. But, it was made a little easier to deal with in two ways. First off, I get paid $7.25 an hour. I started work at 8am, roughly. I got home at maybe 5:30-6. Let’s say I worked 9 hours. That’s a cool $65 bucks for a day of work.

The second reason is, I’m trying to act more mature, and deal with things better. One way I do this is telling myself “Rick Allen lost an arm in a car accident and he got through it; you can handle a measly day at work”. Lousy comparison, I know, but it shuts my inner complainer up pretty quick. It’s like. He went through that whole huge ordeal and didn’t give up; why should I at work, an infinitesimal situation by comparison?

Call it what you will, be it ‘unhealthy obsession’ or whatnot, but I know it’s more than that.

Yeah. I’ve said that with other things, but I have been very inspired by lots of my favorite musicians. Queen. The Who. David Bowie. Sure, I’m not on a Queen kick, or I’m not incessantly blabbing about The Who… That’d be because I’m in a Def Leppard ‘craze’ [as my brother and I call them]. There is a part of it that is because DL are my passion right now, but there is a larger section that is radically different.

Speaking of different, I think I might be leaning towards a spiritual belief; past lives and reincarnation. I admit, the idea can seem a bit outlandish, but there are things about it that make sense to me, and there are things about me that I cannot explain with situations from this life (assuming there were more).  For one, my extreme phobia of stinging insects.

Now, I don’t think I’ve ever been stung in my life (my mother disagrees; I think I’d remember getting stung though). I don’t think I’m allergic, but going by my memory, since I’ve never been stung, we wouldn’t know anyway. So, I can’t explain why I am so deathly afraid of them. Maybe in a past life I was allergic and died from getting stung. Or maybe I died because I got swarmed by killer bees or something (which don’t have any stronger stings, they’re just a problem because they’re way more agressive, as far as I know.).

Another reason I’m leaning towards believing in past lives is because I have a strange feeling that I should have been at Woodstock. I really don’t know, but sometimes I’ll just be sitting and thinking, and then out of nowhere, I’ll start thinking about Woodstock. It’s really weird. Maybe I was a hippie that ODed or something. Maybe I ODed before Woodstock, so that’s why I feel like I should have been there. Or, maybe I was struck by a car on the way back, maybe I was in the wrong place at the wrong time, I really don’t know.

In a type of hypnosis, supposedly people can recall their past lives. It’d be really interesting to have that done.

On the same subject, my brother and I were discussing this yesterday, and he said I struck him as someone who maybe hadn’t gone through that many lives yet, and that some people just seem more naturally wise, are better at handling things, etc. Which, not all of that would be because of past lives, but it does make me think.

Anyway. I can’t think of a whole lot else to say. I work tomorrow during the day. My brother and I are going to go to the carnival/craft fair in the park after work. We were going to go today, after I got off work/before he went, but I was kept late. If I’d gotten off at 3 when I usually do, I could have come home, taken a quick bath, and we could have spent a couple hours at the carnival, then I could have dropped him off at work. I don’t know if I’d want to go, considering I’ve walked to the park and back at least once every day in the past like five days, so my feet are a little sore. But the carnival/craft fair only happens once a year, and I haven’t yet properly browsed the crafts. Plus, my brother has some free ride passes that we need to use up. I’ve been dying to ride the Tilt a Whirl. ;D 

The only times I’ve been in the park, one was watching the Beatles tribute band Rubber Soul, one was playing in Municipal (I call it community) band/watching the fireworks, etc. So I haven’t taken a proper look around.

Okay. I swear. The entry is over now. I might be back tomorrow to talk about work and the carnival, but don’t hold your breath about it or anything.