Sorry dad, gotta disappear, let’s get the rock out of here…

-Def Leppard, “Let’s Get Rocked”

First off I have to say that typing on a laptop with its flat keyboard is really weird when you’re used to a desktop.. On this thing, I only type like 40 words a minute, I swear [I normally type 90-100wpm]. And I’ll be damned if I haven’t accidentally set off caps lock a million times already.

Anyway, let me start out this entry for real.

First off, let me tell you now, I’ve learned my lesson as far as deciding to get drunk on a night where you’ve got work the next morning… not fun. I had fun getting drunk of course, but I didn’t think I’d get a hangover since I rarely do…

I want to explain something about how I drink. I will go for two, three, sometimes even four months without touching alcohol at all, and then I might get drunk three or four times in a week. More on that later, though. So anyway, I slept on the couch, as my parents were gone to my mother’s class reunion overnight, and I dislike sleeping upstairs when the parentals aren’t home. So, as is usually the case when I have to work, I sleep in as late as possible. I usually only allow enough time to get dressed, eat a bowl of cereal, and put my shoes on. And anyway, work is fairly flexible when it comes to being on time. One of the cooks was an hour late the other day, and they didn’t even get yelled at. Mind you, if I’m late at all, it’s only by maybe five minutes. I think the latest I clocked in, I was 8 minutes late.

Anyway, I hadn’t been feeling all that fantastic anyway, but the hangover was like…blah. I think it took a little while to hit me. It wasn’t all that horrible because one, my brother worked as well, and 2, I knew I would be able to leave early [at 1:45] because of a community band performance. Well, at about ten am, the oaf came in. Which was just what I needed.

I’ve tried being nice to him but he continues to act like he’s a godsend to the world of dishwashing, which is a far cry from what he really is. He’s more of an extra chore than a help. For one, he’s abysmally slow at putting dishes away, and when he’s washing, I have to take at least two or three dishes [being nice with the estimate] per dishrack back to him because they’re still dirty. And, when he takes out he trash, he’s usually gone for fifteen minutes, to take a smoke break among whatever else he’s doing.  He just gives off this unpleasant aura.

But, with all this talk of discontent, I am not uncivil (probably not even a word) to him. As I’ve said before, he will bring himself down, I won’t have to help it along.

Anyway, my brother and I were let go even earlier than we expected, which was a miracle. We were grinning from ear to ear when we got to the car. My brother said that when the boss told us we could leave, that my eyes were smiling, but I controlled myself. I mean, I don’t want to look TOO happy that my boss is telling me to leave early, lest I give her the wrong sort of idea. Anyway, my brother and I went to the store and bought some gummy worms and sparklers, because we were going to set them [the sparklers, lol] off tonight, but my plans changed.


Anyway, we had our community band concert at 3, and we got paid. Usually we don’t get paid till the fourth of July, so it was very unexpected. Given that Id’s just gotten paid from my job, I had 100 bucks set aside to see Vanessa, so with this community band payment, I had a total of 220 bucks to take. So I could finally afford to see her. I wanted to call her and see when would be good for her, whenever that would be.

Then I got this wild idea to ask what she was doing this week. Lo and behold, it turns out that she might get a second job, and that my job is only going to get busier, so it was the best time to fit in this visit. Considering, if we didn’t get in a summer visit, I wouldn’t be able to see her until October, and pardon me if I want to see my best friend more than twice a goddam year, considering we only live a couple hours apart.

My parents didn’t like the idea of me leaving at all, even when I told them I would be coming home on Wednesday afternoon/early evening. I asked if I could use one of the suitcases, and dad suggested I use this big duffel bag we have, and that’s when he told me that ‘my days of drinking at home are over, if they find another bottle they’re dumping it’. Now, earlier I said that I might go three, four months without drinking and then get drunk three times in a single week.

If this was something I did once a month or even more frequently, then it would be a cause for concern, but I do NOT do it that often. And, I know I have an addictive personality and am therefore at a slightly higher risk of becoming addicted to alcohol, I WILL NOT LET THAT HAPPEN. I don’t know from personal exeperience, or of my friends’ experience, but I do know how badly alcohol can fuck people up. I may have an addictive personality, but trust me, I have a future that I do NOT include alcoholism in.

Sure, getting drunk feels good. It feels great, sure, but I know it’s not something I can do all time. And anyway, if I did it all the time, it’d get boring and I’d stop. But honestly. I am not an alcoholic just because I had a bottle of pucker and not even 1/4 of a small bottle of vodka in three days. Like I said, it’s not something I do often, so I really don’t see why they’re so bent out of shape.

When my dad said if they found any more they’d dump it, I was a bit offended. First off, they’re acting like I’m some fifteen year old who is getting their older friends to buy them alcohol all the time. Secondly, they’re treating the whole thing like I’m on the verge of alcohoism, and like this sort of thing is a regular occurance, which I’ve already said about 80 times in this blog alone that it DOESN’T GODDAM HAPPEN A LOT.

But then again, my parents are famous for overblowing situations. You most likely know that. I actually was just tired of feeling like I had to sneak around whenever I wanted a drink. I am 21 years old, it’s perfectly legal for me to drink in my own damn house. You know, when you just want to have A beer with your dinner? Like that. Even when I only have ONE small drink in front of tem, my parents give me the whole Addictive Personality with a Generous Helping of Alcoholism speech.

I could have easily hidden this from them, but I was tired of it. I’m not a little kid sneaking out to smoke daddy’s cigarettes, you know. Besides, they’re freaking out now but they don’t know about the other alcohol I’ve had over the past year or they’d have checked me nto rehab faster than you can say Keith Moon. Even though I am not addicted at all.

I can see how it could be addictive, but I know I can’t do this all the time. Being drunk is fun once in a while but by no means is it something I even want every day, or even month or two for that matter. I have already made the conscious choice, and I will NEVER use alcohol as an emotional crutch. I might have an addictive personality, but that just wouldn’t be who I am, using alcohol in that manner.

Anyway. Off this alcohol discussion bus. This is my stop.

So, the directions to Vanessa’s were much easier to interpret this time, seeing as I left from home and not NIACC. 

We had a few drinks, and a shot, and played with some sparklers, and those things that you light and they look like snakes writhing on the ground. We watched some Def Leppard videos [all the while squealing about how hot Joe Elliot is, how Phil’s always got to show off his chest, or how cute Rick Savage is when he’s wearing glasses, or how I wish Rick Allen wore a certain black hat more often, and how I said it should be mandatory that all the members of Def Leppard go shirtless more often, etc]. I played a bit of Guitar Hero, and I needed to wind down a bit. In all actuality, even if I hadn’t gone to Vanessa’s, I’d have still wanted to write a blog entry.

It is here that I end this entry, considering it’s 2:20 in the morning and I have to drive Vanessa to work today at like ten a.m. (I almost said tomorrow, lol). I’m not even tired as much as my eyes are dry.

Anyway, tomorrow after work I want to take some pictures of Vanessa, and then we’ll probably get drunk and watch some more Def Leppard videos so I can make a bunch of drunken comments on how much I adore Rick Allen and what an inspiration he and Def Leppard as a whole have been to me lately.

Good night. Bonne nuit. Лека нощ. Laku noć. शुभ रात्रि. Buenas noches. Спокойной ночи. You get the idea. ;D

[Btw, google translate is my best language based friend, even though it’s not 100% accurate]

Okay, I’m seriously going to change into my pyjama pants and try to get some sleep now. TTFN.

Don’t stop believing…



I am in a better mood than I was when I wrote my last real entry. I just hope it’s apparent that some of those things were said out of anger and that I generally wouldn’t be rude. Well, I’d probably be rude, just not quite as rude. ^^; So sorry if I pissed anyone off! 

So anyway. Yesterday, I actually enjoyed work. It didn’t get very busy at all, except for maybe one point in the day. I worked with this dishwasher that must be new, as I’ve not seen him at work before. He was very nice and even apologized for leaving me when one of the cooks recruited him to help with food prep. Which, it was fine. We really didn’t have enough work for there to need to be two dishwashers.

Anyway, after work yesterday, I had a community band concert. My brother, who plays tuba, subbed for a player that was gone. The concert went off without a hitch really, except that the mosquitos were eating people alive, I swear.  xP

Today at work… Omg. My brother and I worked today, along with this big, oaf dishwasher. I’m not kidding. My brother would vouch for my comments, but [the oaf] is a complete ass, and he’s none too bright, or good at his job.

Anyway. THREE dishwashers. Two would have been just fine, but there was even another guy (the guy I washed dishes with on Saturday), but he was there to be in charge of keeping the buffet stocked… So for the first part of the day there was literally nothing to do. My brother ended up picking up trash outside…

Then it got busier, but still nothing my brother and I couldn’t have handled on our own.

Back to this oaf we work with. He’s very slow. He knows where everything is, and he still lumbers around like he’s moving in slow motion. Even when we are just too busy to be able to take that kind of time. And he’s bossy. Last time my brother and I worked with him, he was very arrogant and bossy, today was no different.

At one point, the boss lady told him to stay in the kitchen because he didn’t have a PM Park shirt on. I was a little confused because my brother and I go out to get bus tubs and put dishes away all the time, and we don’t even own PM park shirts. I think it might have been because he was standing around and chatting to people.

Whatever it was, after he came back in the kitchen, he was PISSED. When he’d put dishes on the rack to be run through the sanitizer, he’d fucking SLAM them down, and toss stuff around, all the while grumbling to himself. At one point in the day, he was talking to one of the cooks, and I thought he was talking to me, so I said, in an innocent, neutral tone “What?” and he bit my head off. “I wasn’t talking to YOU, don’t ‘What’ me.” And this was some time after he was told to stay in the kitchen, so you’d think his anger would have waned a little.

It doesn’t end there. During some VERY busy points in the day when we’d have like, three full bus tubs full of dishes waiting to be done, he ran off to refill his drink, went to use the bathroom, and went to take the garbage out when it was barely half full. The first time my brother and I worked with him (which was Father’s Day) he ate lunch and took two smoke breaks when my brother and I didn’t even have enough time to use the restroom, so I wasn’t really surprised that he, once again, tried to sneak away.

He was also bitching about hot water. Usually around noon, we run out of hot water a little. Not completely mind you, but it does get a little cooler. But seriously. I wanted to freak out. Here he was bitching about not having hot water when HE was the one putting a whole dish rack through the sanitizer when the rack wasn’t even half full.

At one point in the day he told my brother to “Go help her, I don’t need  any help.” yet at another point, he was pretty much telling my brother to help him wash dishes.

He’s just incredibly bossy, to the point of arrogance. I don’t give a shit if ‘you’ve been doing this for ten years’. My brother has worked at PM park longer than he has, and I have worked here longer than he has. 

 At one point, he was talking to one of the cooks and he went “tell her the dishwasher manager said to” or something to that effect. I was like.

What. the. fuck.

My brother has been working there longer than myself OR this oaf, so if anybody should be giving out orders among dishwashers, it’d be my brother. I don’t give a shit if this guy is older and has supposedly been ‘doing this for ten years’. For fuck’s sake. He made me want to shoot myself.

I could deal with all his arrogance if he could actually DO HIS JOB. When he switched to actually washing the dishes, out of every full rack I got, I’d find at least four or five that were still dirty. [Last time my brother and I worked with him and he was putting dishes away, if he found a dish that was dirty, he’d strut over to my brother and I and say in a self important tone “This needs to be washed again” or something to that effect.] So I find it a little funny that he thinks he’s such a good dishwasher, yet infinately more of HIS dishes were dirty, versus ones my brother or I wash.

However, whenever I found a dish of his that was dirty, instead of saying something to him (like I badly wanted to do) I just quietly put it back over with the dirty dishes. He was still pretty miffed at that point, and pardon me if I’m afraid of pissing off guys that look like they could kick my ass.

I really wanted to talk to the boss lady about this guy’s attitude, but I weighed the pros and cons, and eventually just decided to leave it be. He’s going to bring about his own downfall, I don’t need to help it along. I’ll just let it be for now. I’ll deal.

I don’t work again until Friday during the day. I’ll work Friday during the day, Saturday during the day, and Sunday during the day. I have band again so I can’t work evenings.

I noticed another sign of maturity when I was at work today. There is no good in being pissy at work because you don’t want to be there. You have to be there, you might as well be in a decent mood and try to enjoy it. I know a lot of that is stuff you all probably learned a long time ago, but I’m a little slow when it comes to things like that.

In other news.

My brother and I had another community band concert tonight which went all right. There were a couple of songs that the band kinda messed up, but overall it was a good concert.

In other  other news (lol), I’ve been taking lots of pictures. I’ve felt inspired in that department, and others, lately. It’s a great feeling to be inspired. I’m lucky that I have my music and favorite bands, because they inspire me so much, I’m not sure where I’d get my inspiration without them. I know you’ve heard it multiple times, and I feel a little silly for saying it, but Def Leppard’s drummer Rick Allen has just been a huge inspiration lately. It’s really not something I can really put into words that would adequately describe the situation.  If I ever got to meet him, even if it was just for like, two minutes, I’d want to tell him what an inspiration he’s been. But I’m stop myself there, lest I launch into another one of my fangirlish, obsessive escapades.

Not that that’s what this is, at all. I do get a bit obsessive sometimes, but as with some of my other favorite bands, they become priceless to me, and I wonder what I ever did before I discovered their music.

I’ll end this entry for now. TTYL.



I’m glad I got the huge rant I originally had here out of my system. All I want to say in this entry is that I’m sorry for being a spoiled, lethargic, slothy hostile eyesore  that does nothing but bitch and dis other people.


Some day, yeah, we’ll walk in the rays of a beautiful sun. Some day, when the world is much brighter

-“Ooh Child”, by the Five Stairsteps.

I know I’ve used that song before, but I was having an awful time thinking of a song to fit today’s entry.. ^^; I must be losing my touch! xD

Anyway. The flooding running rampant around this area is getting a little better, but it’s still a big problem. I’m lucky that I haven’t really been affected by the flooding much.. In fact, I’ve barely seen anything out of order, other than the water level of the lake being a little high, and some new lakes springing up in the middle of farmers’ fields. I have a few pictures.

One such lovely lake that isn’t supposed to exist.

I was riding in the car when I took these, so that’s why this one is blurry.

If I didn’t know any better, I’d almost think that this gigantic puddle belonged here.

It’s insane… And here, we didn’t even get hit that badly. Not compared to the folks in Cedar Rapids, Waterloo, Elkader, etc. As I said before, I really haven’t been affected at all… Unless of course, I wanted to get to a certain half of Mason City. You can get to Wal-Mart just fine, I’ve only been as far as K-mart, and nothing was out of order, but I’m guessing if I wanted to get to the side of Mason City where the mall is, I’d probably have some trouble. As I’ve said before, I can only hope that nothing gets worse, and that it doesn’t rain for a while so stuff has a chance to dry. Things are getting better, but the ground is more or less still saturated. It wouldn’t take a whole lot of rain to fuck things up even worse.

But enough about that. ^^;

I decided against writing a blog entry yesterday, because I knew I’d want to today. Lastnight was particularly fun, only not.

I had my first community band rehearsal of the season, which I was late to because my hair just would NOT behave. I seriously started to get ready a whole half hour before practice, and my hair took so long to behave, I was at least five minutes late. Now, before last night, it had been an entire year since I last touched my clarinet, so I was very rusty. But honestly, a few of our pieces are things I wouldn’t have been able to play, even in high school, when I was playing clarinet five days a week.

Okay, so this is like, my fourth year of being in Community Band, right? For three years, I’ve had vocal solos with them. So, after the practice was over, I asked the band director if he was going to ask me to sing.. Usually, the director gets ahold of me weeks or even a month or two before our first practice. I thought, maybe he forgot to ask, or something….

He tells me that ‘He wants to give other people in the community a chance to sing, he was thinking of me for next year’ and some other shit that I didn’t hear. He said it in this condescending tone of voice too, it was lovely.

What a bullshit excuse. Fuck’s sake, if you don’t want me to sing, tell me you don’t want me to sing, but don’t give me this ‘we want to give people who couldn’t sing their way out of a paper bag a chance to sing’. With the exception of myself and like three people, all the people that are picked to sing could be outsung by William Hung. 
Pardon me, but the band director knows that I have one of if not THE best singing voice out of anybody in that entire band. Christ. These little bratty like 9th graders that aren’t even IN band are singing at tonight’s concert, and they can’t sing worth a shit.

I’m sorry if this is offensive, but it’s my opinion. Why give shitty singers a chance to sing? If they can’t sing, they don’t deserve the chance! You shouldn’t feel bad about not giving other people in the community a chance to sing if they can’t carry a tune in the first place!

In short, I was very offended and I swear I was inches away from telling the band director he was lucky I didn’t up and quit band right then and there. I have been looking forward to singing this year since Community Band season ended LAST summer.

I get paid for being in this band, I can honestly say that’s the ONLY thing keeping me from throwing my band folder in the director’s face and telling him I quit his crappy, podunk band.

We honestly aren’t that great anyway. It’s mostly made up of bratty young adults and ancient relics that can barely hold up their instruments. I had these two old farts sitting next to me, and I swear, every other note, they fucking squeaked. It’s seriously not that hard to NOT squeak on a clarinet.
Rather than fucking up and making the band sound worse than they already are, if it’s a high note or a note that’s hard to hit, OPT OUT. THE BAND IS NOT GOING TO SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUST IF YOU LEAVE OUT A FEW NOTES. It’s not like you’re playing a solo.

For the most part, the super extreme anger has waned, but I’m still a bit miffed.

It’s not the end of the world, it’s only because it was unexpected that it got to me so much. I mean, if he’d told me before that he was thinking of me for next year, all of that could probably have been avoided.

But yeah. So when I got home from practice, I was still extremely upset, and I was ranting about how big of an insult it was. So then dad had to start on  his ‘well it’s insulting when you sit around and you only work two days a week, blah blah fucking blah. To put it lightly, he decreed that I have to look for another job next week or I’m out.

I’ve heard that one before. Yeah, he’s serious this time. Just like last time he threatened to kick me out of I didn’t do what he said.

Pardon me, but it’s not my goddam fault that I’m only being scheduled three, four days a week. If he hasn’t noticed, the season has barely goddam started! I’m sure that once we’re in the real dog days of summer, I’ll be working a lot more. You know, I might just have to wait until then. What I’m getting to is, it’s pointless for me to go out schmoozing the local employers, because it never does a whole hell of a lot of good. If it weren’t for PM Park, I still wouldn’t have a job. And dad telling me I’ll be kicked out of the house and I can’t use the computer, etc will not make businesses need jobs.

It doesn’t goddam matter how bad I need something, his threats aren’t going to make them fall from the sky.

First off, I can’t afford the gas to be gallavanting around back and forth to Mason City, and wherever else I would look for a job. Besides the lake and work, I’ve gone pretty  much nowhere, to conserve gas. And here’s the way I see it. Dad bitches at me now, but if I used up all my gas going around in a fruitless job search, he’d bitch at me for using all the gas and needed to ask for money. So it’s like, I’m damned if I do, I’m damned if I don’t. So I might as well not.

Secondly, with all the flooding going on, there are a lot of places I wouldn’t even be able to get to.

Furthermore, it’s pretty much already been proven that, even when local places DO have job openings, I don’t even get called for an interview. It’s already been proven that the skills I have are not needed anywhere, and I can’t really get experience doing anything else but dishwashing and housekeeping if nobody in other areas of work will even call me for an interview.

You’re welcome to give me feedback on this entry, or suggestions, but if you can’t comment me without looking like a self righteous git saying shit like “there will always be people above you if you only have the skills to be a dishwasher”, I have only one thing to suggest: instead of taking time to type your entry with your fingers, bang your head on the keyboard. I’m sure the result would be infintately more useful to me than your arrogant drivel.


If it keeps on rainin’, levee’s goin’ to break…

-“When the Levee Breaks”, by Led Zeppelin.

If you live in Iowa, I’m almost certain you know of the flooding going on. It’s crazy. You always hear about these kinds of things, but they never happen anywhere close to you, you know? And now I’m hearing of how half of Mason City is flooded, among other towns around the area. Whole houses have been carried away. There are towns that don’t even have enough water for people to be able to flush their toilets, or take a shower.

A lot of these things are everyday, mundane things. Just today, at first, I really thought nothing of just going to the kitchen faucet for a glass of water. It’s not until I had filled my glass and turned the faucet off that I thought about it. I was like, You know, there are people in other towns that can’t even get clean drinking water right now.

There are so many people around here so worse off than we are right now. I guess it made me be thankful that all the damage we’ve gotten is a few inches of water in the basement.

I’ve taken a few pictures around town, they really only scratch the surface on everything that’s apparently going on around here.

This is a golf course.

This is another shot of the golf course. I couldn’t really see what I was going because I was driving straight with my right arm stuck out towards the right front window.

This is the doorway to our basement.

This is near an elementary school.

Near the elementary school.

A shot like the previous, but you can see the depth here a little better.

Look at how close the water level is to the bottom of the docks. Another couple inches and the docks would be underwater.

This morning, my dad was cleaning out things in the basement. We got rid of a lot of boxes that were just taking up space, we threw out some old, wet rugs.. We also dropped off a few things at the local second hand store. One of these things was my old toybox. We figured, if some family with children lost everything, or a lot, they might be looking for cheap things like toys, toyboxes, and the like, and they might be able to snatch my old toybox.

It’s seen a lot of my childhood, hopefully it will be as or more involved in someone else’s. In the same sort of vein… There’s a flood shelter at our middle school. They’re accepting donations. We gave some of our old books. I looked through mine and found a few that I don’t need, or want. I grabbed a couple stuffed animals that I’m not too attached to to throw in the box. Mom went out and bought a few decks of cards, some coloring books, posters to color, extra markers and crayons, and some crossword books and such for the adults. I also baked some chocolate chip bars.

To be honest, with the exception of cleaning out stuff in the basement, my day was just going to be another of the lazy days I have when I don’t work. To tell this bit of the story, I have to say that I make lots of 100×100 pixel icons to use on MSN, livejournal, message boards, and the like. Any new pictures of musicians I get, I go through them to see if there are any that are icon worthy. My icon project was Rick Allen. I was looking back through the icons to see what I’d made so far, and when I got to this one, I stopped a minute.


Now, if you know me at all, you know I can be a little obsessive. Still. I sat and looked at that icon for, I don’t know how long. With that, I pushed my chair back and decided to do something. I can find inspiration in the strangest of places, even in people like Rick. Someone I’ve never met, and might not ever see in my life. I can’t even pretend to understand what things he’s had to overcome. He really is an inspiration.
I can’t ignore the things people like him have gone through, and how I’m here with my mundane problems, and I still act like it’s the end of the world. Something has to change, I guess.

On a lighter note, the camera I bought on eBay came in today. I went macro happy, with the close up shots and what not. It made me very happy. I tried to call my boss today to inquire about my hours this weekend, but of course, she didn’t answer the phone. I hate playing phone tag with my boss, but she is almost never around when I leave work at the end of the day, so I never have a chance to ask her when I work. I’d ask during the work day, but I’m generally too busy to think of pulling her aside. When I try, she always seems to be too wrapped up in something to have time to listen. I’m guessing I won’t work until Friday…

Which reminds me. My first Community Band practice is Friday night, at like, 7pm, I believe. (Either 7, or 7:30. I’ll go at 7 just to be safe). Our first concert of the year is Saturday night, also at 7pm. We usually have concerts on Sunday afternoons, but this week we don’t, because it’s Father’s Day. Speaking of which, work will be a real killer that day. I hope my brother and I have enough energy at the end of that day to take our dad out to dinner or something (whatever mother has planned). Knowing our family though, we might take dad out the day before, or the day after or something. Who knows.

Well, I have a bunch of pictures to mess with, so I will end the entry.


And I don’t cry for yesterday, there’s an ordinary world, somehow I have to find.. And as I try to make my way to the ordinary world I will learn to survive…

-“Ordinary World”, by Duran Duran.

This is a huge entry, because it encompasses two days’ worth of happenings. ^^;

Fantastic weather we’re having, let me tell you. Lastnight was an awesome night to work, weather-wise… < / sarcasm >

Before I begin my explanation on yesterday, I must say that is a tornado warning siren located literally half a block away from my house, so when the sirens went off yesterday, we could hear it LOUD and clear, believe me. They were still going off at 5:50pm, and I had to work at six. I was going to call the boss lady and ask if it was okay that I was late. I began to ask dad what he thought I should do, but he interrupted me and told me “Yeah, you should go to work”.

Instead of correcting him, I decided not to debate it, and I just got ready for work, saying only “If my arm gets ripped off in a car accident because my car hits the funnel cloud, it’ll be your fault” on the matter. I really thought it probably would have been safer to just wait it out, but at that point I was really in no mood to debate anything. I think I’ve been desensetized to sirens and such, because I almost felt like people were freaking out for no reason, but I know that wasn’t the case.

The drive to work was quite interesting. The sky was very omnious looking, upsetting my calm demeanor. I was more nervous with each passing tree, but there was nothing I could really do but suck it up and go. Instead of describing it, I’ll show you, as my half busted digital camera came along for the ride.

As unsettling as these clouds were, once I was at work, I was surprisingly calm. Perhaps it was the fact that I was off the road.. It could have been that I knew there was a nice safe basement to go into, should the weather deteriorate further. Whatever the reason, I was not freaked out at all.

As is the case on nights where PM Park has a wedding, the work night started out quite slowly. The tornado sirens were still going off, indicating that the tornado warning for our county was still quite active. The radio in the kitchen confirmed that the tornado warning that was supposed to end at 6:30 was being extended until 7.  A few of the servers were getting very riled up and nervous, yet I kept my cool. 

Considering how paranoid and nervous a creature I usually am, I was actually quite surprised that I was not freaking out. I said to myself “You know, what happens, happens. Having a panic attack will not part the clouds and bring the sun out. Getting bent out of shape because I don’t know what’s going to happen is not going to help at all, so why do it?”.

The tornado warning was allowed to expire at 7, and work picked up. I can’t help feeling that I’ve got a sick psyche, because I actually almost wished that the weather had been worse than it actually was, almost as if I wanted to see something happen. It’s awful of me, and truthfully I would never want anybody in harm’s way just to see one of my sick mental pictures brought to life, but it didn’t stop my innate desire for excitement of some kind. {Speaking of sick desires, I’ve lately startled myself with how often the image of losing a limb presents itself in my mind, but more on that later.}

The weather took a surprisingly good turn after a bit, although the sky was first an unnatural yellow. As sunset came on, the color of the sky was still a bizarre orange. I managed to get away from the dish sanitizing machine long enough to snap this picture through the window.

Work really went off without a hitch after that. I was a little swamped at a few points, but I handled it just fine. As silly and obsessive as this sounds, if I’m having a hard point in the day, I tell myself something to the effect of “If Rick Allen can get through losing a goddam arm in a car accident, I can handle this”. It might seem really silly, but quite frankly, I take inspiration wherever or however I find it, and that was one way to keep my spirits up.

Anyway, I was out of there earlier than the last time I worked a night (even though this wedding was considerably larger than last time)… I was up for an hour or two after I got home because I had to wind down a bit.

Then, there was more of this stormy weather I love so much. With the exception of a few quiet bursts, the thunder and lightning pretty much went on all night. I had a few weird dreams, but I don’t remember them. I think during a few, I was probably half awake. The line between sleeping/lying awake was not as black/white as it usually is, I think.

As a result of this sporadic dozing off and waking up, I was awoken from a dead sleep at about 7:30am this morning. I remember yelling “SCREW WORK” when my mother yelled at me from downstairs. I probably laid in bed for another ten minutes. I had just enough time to get dressed and grab some breakfast before my brother and I had to be at work.

For the first half an hour, I’d say, I was quite grumpy indeed. It was partly due to having such a bad nights’ sleep, and partly because my windsheild wipers quit working on me. Luckily, it wasn’t raining very hard at that point this morning.

Anyway, my mood soon improved, even to the point where my brother and I were throwing soap suds at each other (working with my brother generally has that effect on me).

I wasn’t really aware that anything was really wrong outside. It was almost very nice outside before the sky got grey. I wasn’t aware that it was raining, though, until one of the cooks had to take out the garbage or something.

The trip home was certainly a trip, let me tell you. I tried and failed to get my windsheld wipers going, so for about two miles, I had only the very sketchy, barely visible yellow center line and my brother with his head out the window as navigation tools. I had my bright headlights on, figuring that, if I can’t see, at least I can make myself extremely visible. After a couple miles, I pulled over in the parking lot of this assisted living center probably only a mile or so from home. I would have just tried to make it home, but at this point, I was having trouble staying centered in my lane and thought pulling over was a better option.

So my brother dashes in to use their phone. Meanwhile, I turned the wipers on to full blast (they didn’t budge), so I was outside trying to get the wipers to move. I’d get them to move up about 90 degrees, but they would always, every time, get stuck trying to come back down. I was nice and soaked by the time I realized that my attempts were futile.

My dad ended up driving our van there. He told my brother to drive home in that, and dad and I drove home in my car. Dad had his head stuck out the window for most of that mile home.

When I got home, I found out there was some water in our basement. Probably only an inch or two, but it’s still not a sight I’m used to seeing, as it’s the first time in my awareness that there’s been stagnant water in our basement.

I overheard that there are some bridges out and roads closed due to flooding, and there have been some people (not sure in which town) evacuated.

I’m sorry, but I do not think this is solely because we are in flood season. There is something about our climate that is seriously fucked up. Still. I can really do nothing else at the moment but hope that things don’t get any worse.

Anyway. Earlier, I mentioned sick desires. Well.
Let me tell a bit of a backstory. I enjoy watching the Discovery channel, and reading Discovery channel and like subject stories and such on the internet. Well. Some time ago, I saw this news segment that covered a strange group of people. People with an obsessive desire to be an amputee, aka not feeling complete until they’ve lost a limb. My recent obsession with Def Leppard’s one armed drummer kind of awoke a dormant feeling in me, if you will. While I have been known to be a little obsessive in the past, this is not of the type of light, airy thought that usually occurs with my musical infatuations.

Now, jokingly, I’ve said things like “I’d rather get a foot cut off than do such and such”, “I’d rather lose three fingers”, etc.. Now that I think about it, it startles me how often I’ve thought about amputation. Before I sort of wrote it off, but now.. it’s strange.

I realize that it’s not pleasant to go through such trauma as to have a limb amputated, whether uncontrollably (as in an accident), or of necessity, medically (gangrene, infection, etc).

Which is never to say that I’d attempt anything or purposely put myself in harm’s way to try to lose an arm or a leg, but it is a little strange to think that I’d look upon losing a limb as something positive.

It wouldn’t be positive, and it certainly wouldn’t make me a famous hero, or an amazing person full of perserverance (Which is what light I hold Rick Allen in at the moment.)..

It would only make me the victim of my own sick mind. Not to mention, it wouldn’t be a concept you would be able to explain to most people. ‘Yeah, I really wanted to lose an arm so I purposely went out and crashed my car/jumped off the roof of my house/tried to hack off my arm/etc’.

No. I’ve got to be thankful that I am actually whole (my body is anyway, there are pieces of my mind missing.. ^^; ). These thoughts are never going to be something that I act on, EVER, but the fact that my mind is even entertaining the idea is a little strange.

In other news, I have my follow up doctor’s appointment tomorrow morning. Overall, things have been better, but some things are still there.

It all depends on what the results from my tests were, and what advice the doctor has for me. My problems could just be that the medications I was given are not up to their full potential yet, as it can take a bit of time for these things to start working. At least they are better though.

This entry is plenty long, so for now I will stop rambling.



I’m outta luck, outta love. Got a photograph, picture of.. Passion killer, you’re too much, you’re the only one I wanna touch.. I see your face every time I dream, you’re all I want, my fantasy…

-“Photograph”, by Def Leppard.

Well hello there folks.

Last entry, I was talking of having some money saved up. Well, I sent in payment for my ‘new’ Fuji Film FinePix A600, and I have word that it’s been shipped out, so I should get it in a few days. Tomorrow, I need to get a money order from the post office, because I ordered a Def Leppard tee shirt on eBay.

The $100 I spoke of last entry was spent on things that I needed.

I got some new underwear and a new bra, in case you wanted to know. 😉 I also got a new pair of jeans, a The Who tee shirt, and when I send in the payment, I’ll have gotten another tee shirt with a rock band on it. ;D

I mentioned it in the last entry, but I don’t care…

I have recently taken a dive into a Def Leppard obsession, thanks to my HUGE newly formed crush on their drummer, Rick Allen. I hate to sound like an obsessed fangirl, but the man is an inspiration, to put it lightly. Even before this little obsession began, I was still amazed at the fact that he’s a one armed drummer. I remember seeing this episode of “Classic Albums” on Vh1Classic, and it was about one of Def Leppard’s albums, and I remember Rick and the band talking about his accident a bit… I thought he was good looking then but I was too far gone in my Queen or The Who obsession to take a second glance.

[I got started on my little Def Leppard obsession by buying their cover album “Yeah!”, which I had wanted for ages, and my best friend Vanessa had always told me I needed to get.]

I’m waiting for that particular episode of Classic Albums to be on again so I can tape it, and add it to my collection of episodes. So far I’ve got the one on Queen’s “A Night at the Opera” and The Who’s “Who’s Next”. 😀 As well as having ‘Amazing Journey: The story of The Who’, the movie ‘Tommy’, and Led Zeppelin’s ‘The Song Remains the Same’ concert movie thing.

Anyway. Back to the reason I came here. I figured I haven’t written an entry in a while, and I have little over two and a half hours until I have to be at work.

Although it’s not the worst job I’ve had, I can’t say I am a huge fan of this job, but beggars can’t be choosers. I’m actually quite grateful that I even got this. I mean, I’ve been a dishwasher before, but if it weren’t for my mother and brother having worked there before, the boss might not have given me a second glance. So I at least owe her for that.

With the exception of my really tough day the other day, I’ve been doing damn good work to show that I am a capable worker.

I did get a little torked at my dad the other day, though. He brought up the fact that I do not work all that many hours, and that I should tell the boss I can work more. Thing is, before I even got the job, I told her I’d pretty much be able to work any time, as much as they needed me.

You know, I might just have to settle for the hours I’m given. I do not need to mention this, but I am not the only dishwasher. She can only give me so many hours, and still be fair to the others working. As it is, I usually work three or four days a week.

If they gave me more days, while it wouldn’t be ideal, I wouldn’t mind working the extra time at all, but what does she tell the other dishwashers? This girl needs more hours, so I’m going to cut yours.
Not to mention, the season has barely started. I’m sure once tourist season really gets into swing, I’ll have more hours to work.

For now, all I can really do is keep doing a good job , so I can get a positive reference when applying for other jobs. The restaurant closes some time in September or October, depending on weather, so after then I will be back to the job drawing board. On the bright side though, I’ll be able to add another job to my experience list.

Anyway. The money should be decent, because after this paycheck, other than gas and putting a little aside for my trip to Vanessa’s, I really don’t have anything else I need to get, so most of it will go in the bank.

I know it may seem like I spent my money unwisely, but I would have needed to get some of that stuff eventually anyway. I figured, better sooner than later, you know?

Now though, my motivation is possibly going back to school or moving out, and my trip to Vanessa’s. Truthfully, from this point on I think the potential fun I’ll have at Vanessa’s will quash most of my desires to frivolously spend my money until then.
And anyway, once Community Band starts up, I’ll have extra money coming in. Although I want to save up most of that as well, a little bit of it might go to treating myself once or twice, such as getting a new cd, or going to eBay and ordering some rock n roll pins for my purse, something small of that nature. Speaking of pins, the other day I picked up three new pins for my purse. One said “I will not obsess I will not obsess I will not obsess”. Which I can completely relate to. Another said “All grown up and still waiting to be a rock star”. The third says “Proud to be an American against the war” which I plan on actually wearing on my shirt the day of the July 4th community band concert.

Speaking of which, I really hope I get to sing a solo with the band again this year. The last few years I’ve done solos, I’ve been all right, but if I get a chance to this year, I want to really work hard on it so I won’t be so nervous.

Anyway, I’ve started to ramble so I suppose this is an appropriate place to end the entry. If work is particularly memorable for some reason, I could possibly be back here tonight after work.

Okay. Last minute plug. All of you need to go listen to a fanastic song by Def Leppard called “Love”. It’s very Queen-esque, especially at the guitar solo, in which the guitar playing echoes Brian May’s style. It’s weird, because the song is Queen-esque and very Def Leppard at the same time.

Anyway. Listen to it. NAO.

Peace out girl scout.