Strange Magic

That’s what I’d have to call my weekend thus far.

Friday was a strange day indeed. Since my father’s 1982 pickup is dead, he had to drive my car to work. Leaving the family with one vehicle. My mother had to ferry me to a piano lesson at 8:20 (cxceedingly early, I know). Then, we had to run an errand that we anticipated would take a long time, but really only took about 2 minutes.

Then, I was taken back to college to wait for my 11:10 class.

My class, which was choir, went alright, save for the idiot coreographer who is helping us out with our variety show numbers.
Despite the fact that half the choir dances one way and half dances completely different, she doesn’t feel the need to go over a move until people understand it.
There is a song that was coreographed by someone else, a song which we haven’t even touched for at least a week.
So… It can be guaranteed that when the choir teacher wants to run through it, nobody will remember what to do. Which will result in him blowing a gasket, as he normally does when working on this variety show. This type of thing doesn’t exactly make for the most enjoyable choir session.

So. Back on track. After choir, I got to hang out around campus for a long time, with Chad. My boyfriend.

Those words still sound a bit odd together.
Weird.
My brain is still trying to sort that one out.

But anyway. When the evening rolled around, Chad and I checked into a hotel, and then went out to eat. After that, we went to the mall, and he watched me play two games of DDR. 🙂

Afterwards, we went back to the hotel room. We listened to music, watched tv, and I got drunk. And, my first drunken injury. I was goofing off (whilst drunk), and fell off the corner of the bed, and my arm biffed it against the wall. Then, I announced that ‘the wall should learn to move out of my way when I’m falling towards it’.

I had a small bout with insomnia, and for that reason it was after midnight until I fell asleep.

Then, damn having to wake up to pee. I woke up at 6:30, and by 7, I was bugging Chad, just for something to do.

I swear to god I have some sort of ADD….

All in all, I had a great time.

Today, a bit after I got back, I went to hang out with another one of my friends.

On the way there, it was pouring down rain. Halfway to town, my windshield wipers quit working. I could barely see, and I was weaving all over my lane of the road. I finally turned off the main road and found a lesser road to pull over on. I got my wipers working again, but I was still a bit shaken, so I called Chad. I was practically bawling my eyes out, I had been so scared. I hadn’t even driven a few feet when my wipers quit working again. So I had to pull over a second time. After fiddling with the wipers a bit, I got them unstuck, and they worked fine.

I was a bit unnerved by the whole experience.

Anyway. My friend and I did a bit of shopping, that was pretty much it.

On the way home, it was raining like mad. I had my wipers on the highest setting, and I could still barely see. I was going 35mph on a 55 road, that’s how bad it was. All the dark clouds, thunder, and lightning scared the bejeezus out of me so bad that I called Chad again, just so I wouldn’t panic while I was driving.

Damn.

I had quite the interesting drive home.

And that has been my weekend.

“Dont cry, now that I’ve found you, don’t cry, take a look around you…

….Dont cry it took so long to find you
Do what you want, but little darling please dont cry”
-‘Don’t Cry’, by Asia.

 I know, I know, I’ve already written an entry today, but, at the moment, a million different thought rockets are blasting off in my head, colliding with each other; I find that talking, or in this case, writing about it, helps to slightly detangle the web of confusion.

Choir practice went well today. We were only there for an hour. We got two new songs that are quite easy, and we went over a song we already knew.

Damn.

It’s weird how fast things can happen. It’s like one day, the world is one certain way, and by the next day, it’s an entirely different place. Feelings spring up out of nowhere, like flowers after the winter chill. In certain areas, knowledge and realization simply fall upon your head like the introductory drop of a Spring downpour. 

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not damning this bizarre notion. It is, in fact, a welcome concept.
After all, it’s not often in life you can get important information by simply lying in the fragrant summer grass and watching the clouds go by.

Still.
Getting something dropped on you so fast can be a bit overwhelming.

It’s like baking a cake or cookies. If you stir in the ingredients one by one, mixing up the batter is much easier. On the other hand,  if you throw everything in all at once before giving it a stir, you’re going to be left with a big ball of confusion (or dough. 😉 ) that will take much longer to sort out.

Much like my current situation with Chad.

I like the guy, but I’m asking myself a lot of questions.
Why did he pick me?
What does he see in me? 
Is his liking me something recent that happened out of the blue, or was it a type of unrequited crush that has existed for longer?
Along with more questions of this nature, I’m asking myself questions I’m not sure I should be asking so soon in a relationship.

Take for example this weekend. On Saturday, Ellen (Chad’s ex wife) asked Chad if his parents knew he had a new girlfriend. Earlier today, another comment of that nature was made.
I was like *coughcough* “girlfriend? When did that happen?”

Earlier today, before choir, I was on the phone with Chad, and I told him about that. He said he was trying to get at a suggestion of that nature.

Okay. This type of thing has only been going on for a week (even though I’ve known Chad all year), so either we are driving 90mph in the slow lane, or Fate (and Chad) know something I don’t.

Hopefully, in the coming days, weeks, months, and possibly years, I will find the answers I so desperately seek.

I suppose I could relate it to the saying “If you love someone, let them go. If they come back, you know they’re yours”.

Sometimes, by simply lying back and watching the clouds go by, the realization will hit you.

Hopefully, next time I have a ‘Eureka!’ moment like that, the answer will be a little more clear. 😉

It’s such a perfect day, I’m glad I spent it with you, such a perfect day, you just keep me hanging on…

If you’re wondering why it’s been a while since I’ve been on here, it would be because the parental units have, once again, restricted my internet usage for some reason or another.
I believe it was because last Monday, I was late getting home. Something to that effect, anyway.

Anyway.

This has been one hell of an interesting week, let me tell you.
One of my good friends, Chad, announced that he was getting a divorce (on the same Monday my computer priveledges got damned). He’s a good guy, and I admit, I had a bit of a crush on him at one point, but getting crushes on married men is not a very good idea, unless one happens to begin a painful unrequited love they can’t do anything about.

The minute he made the announcement, I’m not sure what sorts of deductions the Thomas Dolby-like mad scientist in my mind was making, but it was, once again, as if I was one side of a magnet, and he was the other. I’m not sure how else to put it, except that my ‘crush’ for him soon outgrew its very status as a ‘crush’. Usually, this sort of thing takes a lengthy amount of time to develop, but this time, emotions seemed to be on fast forward.

Which, to be honest, frightened me a bit.

The man is 30. He’s had experience with dating and the like. I am 20, and I’ve never been on a real date, and I’ve barely been in a real relationship, so the Eagles’ “Life in the fast lane” just about echoed my feelings about it.

Friday rolled around, and I was depressed. One, because I had to work the next day, and because I had a bunch of thoughts bouncing around my brain like tiny, uber hyper superballs.

I grabbed my cell phone (yes, it was located), my digital camera, and went to my favorite contemplative spot, with a full view of our beautiful lake, and called Chad. I explained some things to him, and we agreed to slow things down just a wee bit. As well as the phone conversation, my mind was slightly eased by the fact that I knew I would see him the next day, as my friends and I planned a bowling get together for the next day, after I got off work.

Speaking of work (in the kitchen of a small restaurant on Main Street). I know I do not work nearly as much as other people, and compared to most, one could say I have it easy. Still. This did not make that work day any easier. My first hour of work was easy. Set things out on the tables and the like. From 8am to about 1:30, I got to pull apart gigantic hunks of beef into smallish strips so we could make BBQ beef.

I lost count after 3 pans of the stuff. I was depressed just about the entire time, although I suspect it was a hormonal thing. When I finally finished that, I got to start in on the gigantic mountain of dishes that had piled up. I was doing this until little after 3pm, when my ride, Chad, would arrive. To make the day a bit worse, he asked if I could work today, but I had plans for today, so I said no. My boss was going to have me come in on Tuesday and Thursday, but he told me that I had to work around their schedule, not them work around mine, which needless to say, did not brighten my mood.

To an extent, I see where he’s coming from, but pardon me if I have previous plans. I would have told them about it last week, but I didn’t know what I’d be doing. And, I never told him I could for sure work both days this weekend.

So, by the time Chad picked me up, it was about all I could do to keep from bursting out bawling. I held back partly because there was another person in the car.

Well, when we got to the bowling alley, I gave Chad some money to get me a drink. Liquid cocaine was recommended, so that’s what I had. I then put $4 in the jukebox (lots of 80s hair metal+ The Who was what I was in the mood for). A couple more people got there, and then they started bowling. I didn’t bowl, but I did spend the rest of my money on 3 drinks… A tequila sunrise, a lemon drop, and a long island iced tea. In addition, I had part of my friend’s beer. 🙂

After that, we went back to Chad’s house, where I was afraid that his ex wife was going to maul me when I walked in the door, but surprisingly, she was actually very nice.

I was only afraid of this because, earlier in the week, Chad’s ex wife, Ellen, was in denial about the whole divorce thing (and Chad’s little interest in me), but I guess she’s come to grips with everything.

There, some people had fun doing a group activity which I will not disclose (lol), and I had an oversized bottle of bacardi silver. When we turned the tv on, Barbershop was playing on tv. After that, some hardcore wrestling stuff was on tv, but nobody was really watching. I have a neck cramp today, because the futon Chad and I crashed on likes to bow in the middle, and is none too comfortable.

This morning, we gallavanted around Northern Iowa, stopped at at McDonalds to eat, and then Chad dropped a friend and I off at my house. Hey, she had no place else to stay tonight, so I offered her a stay at my house.

I have choir practice at 6, so I gather the entry should be about over.

Like a bridge over troubled water, I will lay me down.

So, it’s been a while since I’ve bothered to write in here. There’s no particular reason for it, I guess I haven’t had a lot to say. I particularly detest trying to write a halfway interesting blog entry when I have nothing good with which to occupy the entry.

I got into a bit of an argument. Actually, I’d say it was a great deal bigger than a bit of an argument. I was on the couch, indulging my inner child with “Lilo & Stitch” on the tv. My father got home, and asked if I’d looked for a job today. I told him one place had the pleasure of my applying there. After that, I don’t distinctly remember what he said, it was something to the effect of ‘how could I think that applying at one place constituted looking for a job’.

After that, much like a high speed car chase, things just went out of control. As corny as that analogy may sound, it’s the only way I can think of to describe what happened.
There was a lot of shouting. We passed the blame around like we were playing a game of freaking hot potato. It was insane. Truthfully, I’m not sure what I was hoping to accomplish, straying into that wordly minefield.

As ignorant as it may make me sound, I have to state that I’ve probably learned more about life in the past three or four weeks than the rest of my entire life put together. It makes me wonder if I’m just slow, or if my unintentional underlying self righteous attitude was hindering my progress.

I’ve learned I liked to blame other people for shortcomings I possessed. It seemed it was easier to comprehend if it wasn’t directly my fault, which I now know is insane. I’ve also learned that sometimes, I wouldn’t admit if I wasn’t good enough to do something. We all make mistakes sometimes. Sometimes that’s just  how we learn the right thing to do, by doing the wrong thing first. I’m not sure why I didn’t know any of this earlier. It seems so very simple to understand now, I’m not sure exactly why I couldn’t wrap my mind around it before.

All in good time, I suppose.

Still.

In other news. The one application I did put in today was at a smallish restaurant on main street. I filled out the application right there, and talked to who I assume was the manager about my previous foodservice experience. I even went so far as to put on the application and verbally tell him that I would be willing to do dirty jobs like cleaning the toilet, and mopping the floor, that sort of thing.

The only other interesting thing I did today was in choir. We are presently working on coreography for songs we’ll be performing in our Spring variety show. The powers that be decided that some of the previously learned moves would be tweaked a bit, resulting in mass confusion and, as the choir teacher put it, “an interesting interpretation” on the established coreography.

With that being said, I’d like to briefly comment on some of the feedback I’ve gotten. I appriciate the fact that you don’t mind taking some time out of your internet browsing to comment on my blog, but please, if you’re going to bother commenting at all, don’t act like an ass. You can get your point across perfectly well without making your comment a personal attack on my pathetic existance, or acting like a bitchy, middle aged woman going through menopause, one such tornado who needs an outlet for her blind fury.

With that being said, I bid you adieu. I look forward to seeing you during my next episode.

lol at dual meanings.