New Years Eve…day

Well, cats and kittens, another holiday season has come and nearly gone. It’s weird to think another year is almost over. When did I start becoming an adult and how can I make it stop?

Let’s see. What did I do this year?

In March, I got my driver’s license back, after going without it for nearly 3 years. It was surreal at first, but all too quickly I was back into a routine.
I also developed a Skyrim addiction that was promptly halted when the house xbox 360 decided to stop reading disks. We still don’t know what’s wrong with it.

In April, I had the opportunity to see one of my favorite musicians ever in concert. Thomas Dolby. While in line for said concert, a worker was handing out fliers for a Howard Jones concert. At the time, I thought it would be nice to see Howard Jones in concert, but I shrugged it off because I was sure I wouldn’t be able to afford a second frivolous trip to Minneapolis.

The concert was so surreal. I will never forget that first moment Thomas Dolby walked out on stage. I legitimately almost started crying. I didn’t get the chance to meet him, however I did meet some cool new people, including the daughter of one of my dad’s friends. I crashed at their apartment and they showed me around Minneapolis a bit the next day. It was my first time that far away from home by myself.

In April, I went to a casino with a friend from work. I only brought ten bucks with me, because I didn’t want to potentially lose a bunch of money. It was my first time ever gambling, and on the very first machine I played, I won 208 dollars.

With half the money I got gambling, I got a tattoo of my favorite Thomas Dolby lyric, from a song called Valley of the Mind’s Eye. The lyric is “If a song was a road I would ride through the night to you”. I had wanted that tattoo as a lyric for a while, and I was just going to spend my own money on it when I could, but winning that money put a fast forward on my tattoo plans. I believe I got it a couple weeks after seeing the concert.

Fast forward to June. Even though I really shouldn’t have done it, I bought a ticket to the Howard Jones concert. That was partly because I’d been slowly listening to
more of his music and discovering I really liked what I hadn’t already heard, and partly because of a seize the moment kind of mindset about it. He won’t be around forever, and I won’t be young forever.

I bought the ticket not quite 3 weeks before the show, so during that time I got really into his music. I’d flirted with being a fan back when I was in college, but other than the 3 albums I was really obsessed with, I didn’t really investigate his music further.

The concert day was June 26th. I hopped on a bus that morning. I walked around Minneapolis for a few hours in the afternoon, just doing whatever and taking in the sights. It was my first time calling a cab, so that was kinda cool.

I ended up sitting on a bench in front of a bike up next to the theatre about 3 hours before the doors even opened. Part of that was due to my nature as a dedicated fan and the other was that I was tired from walking around for 6 hours. While waiting in line (once other people started showing up), I chatted with a lovely couple. Once the doors opened and I was inside (I was second in line), by chance, I ran into the same couple I’d been sitting next to at the Thomas Dolby concert back in April. She’d even remembered that I’d told them I live in Iowa. We had a laugh and they told me they were working on their bucket list.

The concert was amazing. He played two entire albums. The highlight of that was the couple lines of a song that he sang straight to me. It was crazy. I almost freaked out.
Then, afterwards, I waited outside for a while, thinking perhaps he’d come out to meet people. By chance, someone came outside and told us that Howard Jones was inside signing autographs and that we’d best hurry and get in there, because the line was getting shorter.
In short, I met Howard Jones and had the chance to show him a few of my drawings, which he described as beautiful. I even let him keep one. I don’t know if he’s still got it, but it was still pretty much the best moment of my entire life up until that point.

August marked one year working for a store which I will henceforth refer to as K-Derp. I usually don’t bitch about them by name but it’s just as well that their real name isn’t thrown about a bunch.

In September my best friend got married. I was not there, because I wasn’t invited. She had told me earlier in the year to take the day off for work, so I did. The day came and went and I didn’t hear a damn thing. I’m still a bit peeved for that. I know that finances might be an issue, but it’s all very odd and mysterious to me as to someone I was so close to just all of a sudden deciding they don’t want to talk to me anymore. We’re still facebook friends if that means anything, but I still miss talking to her and all the goofy shit we used to say. I haven’t messaged her too much because I don’t want to annoy her, if she has decided to basically cut me out of her life. And, even though it would suck, I would be okay with her cutting me out if she’d at least tell me why… So I wouldn’t be sitting here, wondering what I might have done wrong to warrant being ignored.

In October, I turned 26. It felt weird. I’m still pretty immature. Even people I work with at K-Derp that I have worked with since day 1 look shocked when I tell them how old I actually am. So that eases some of my “I don’t want to get old” woes.

In November, I jetted off to Florida to spend a few days with a dear friend of mine that I met through tumblr. We call ourselves the pirate twins, because that’s basically what we are (to this day she remains the only person who I can shamelessly fangirl over both Howard Jones and Thomas Dolby with AND is aware of Doctor Who). I left on October 29th, technically, but this counts as November because I said so.
It was pretty awesome. She showed me around, took me to the beach and all sorts of places. On Halloween, we got drunk, watched Rockula (I.E.: campy 80s
comedy about a vampire), and roasted marshmallows over a bonfire. On November 1st, we saw Howard Jones in concert (my second time, her first). He played a shorter set, but we were still both freaking out. We didn’t stay afterwards to try and meet him, but I was okay with that. I didn’t even stay up front by the stage the whole time. I already had that experience back in June, so I wanted to give some of the other fans there a chance. And there were some youngish people there.
On November 2nd, I had to fly home. A memorable moment being before take off from Tampa when the pilot announced the temperature in Minnesota, and I went “AWW MAN” and the man next to me laughed and agreed.
A few days after I arrived home, I finally moved my heavy ass desktop computer up to my room.Which may not seem like a big thing, but my computer has literally been on dad’s desk since we got it, years ago.

As for December? Other than concentrating on keeping my job I haven’t really done anything out of the ordinary. Other than spending more time in my room than I have for years, since the computer’s up here. It’s nice to be able to watch tv shows online and have nobody to yell at me for talking/fangirling/flailing while I watch. It seems like a silly thing to be happy about, but oh well. Also, my computer being upstairs seems to give me more alone time. Even though there might be people in the house. They’re not in my room, so it counts.

As for my hopes for next year? I’m going to start food journalling again, and (after new years day, anyway) really trying to be healthier. I’ve gained I think probably all the weight back that I lost over the summer of 2011, and honestly I just need to be healthier and not eating so much crap. I want to look in the mirror and not cringe and then go on a 10 minute rant about how ugly I am.

I would just sit back and casually start day drinking in celebration of the new year, but I work at 12:15. Still, I only work till like 5 something so I’ll still have more than enough time to celebrate.

And by celebrate I mean putting on a nice outfit to go nowhere while eating finger foods and drinking alcohol out of a TARDIS mug while sitting on my living room floor. My parents will likely have fallen asleep by the time it’s even 10pm. Which usually translates into me sitting six inches away from the tv because dad’s snoring is so loud.

I’m caught between being mad that I don’t get more hours at work, and being glad I get so few because I’m not exactly fond of the place.

Anyway, tomorrow you can possibly expect an entry on the music/movies/fandoms of my 2012.

 

I’m taking my time but I don’t know where…

which would be a quote from the lovely song “Me and Julio Down by the School yard”. My dad would listen to Simon and Garfunkel quite a bit so as a child I always had a very specific mental picture of people on a playground with a chain link fence around it and everything. Childhood silliness.

Anyway.

I’ve got a few reasons for wanting to write this entry today. For one, the end of the year is even closer than it was when I wrote my previous entry.

I still haven’t made an entry about my short trip to Florida. I haven’t even uploaded all the pictures yet. The reason for that being that every time I try to upload the pictures to my facebook album, the computer will either threaten to freeze after uploading every single picture, or it’ll get 3/4 of the way uploading the list of pictures and then freeze.

I will eventually get that stuff uploaded, but for now I’ve just gotten too annoyed with my slow, outdated P.O.S. computer to bother.

In my last entry I said I was going to start food journaling again. That only lasted a few days. At first I legit forgot to publish an entry, and then I just went “fuck it” and abandoned it.

I think I’m going to try what I did a couple years ago; set January 2nd as the date when I really go gung ho at this stuff, being healthier, exercising, food journaling, etc.

I’d have started a month ago if I thought I had the willpower for it, but this is basically the most gluttonous time of the year. I know I’d have failed right off the bat.

The problem with me as far as ambition goes is, I will have these grandiose, lofty, fantastical goals that I get really fired up about… for a few days. Or even a week or more.

Then after that I lose heart and fail, and then I get all downtrodden and beat myself up for never succeeding. And then I fall into that rut of “Well I always fail so what’s the point of even trying because it’s a big fat waste of effort”.

I forget to look at the progress I’ve made, instead dwelling on my failures and those times when I’ve made progress and then taken a few steps backwards (i.e., I’ve gained back all the weight I lost delivering newspapers the summer before last) and it’s just… meh. I can’t live that way.

I guess I’m just at a point where I don’t know. I don’t know what I want. I know places I want to be but not how to start heading there. I simultaneously know and don’t know. It’s very confusing.

Part of the reason I haven’t uploaded all the Florida pictures is that it’s almost painful to think that I’m not there.

When I was there I had this odd feeling like I was supposed to be there. Like it’s the kind of place I’d like to live. I know a lot of my amazement and enjoyment of the place can be attributed to the fact that it was my first time being there, ever, but… I don’t know. After the newness wore off a little, it felt kind of like home. There was sort of a weird, familiar feeling I should not have had because I’ve lived in Iowa my entire life.

I feel like I need to live there, despite the fact that the newness would wear off and the normal humdrum and struggles of life would set in.

And then I start asking myself impossible questions. Like, how would I ever afford it? I’d have to get rid of a bunch of my stuff so I’d have less junk to worry about moving. I’d have to find a place I could actually afford (which I can’t even do in Iowa, let alone fucking Florida)  I’d have to either have a job lined up or know someone who would put me up until I could find work, and that’s not even counting the cost of the tickets and how much it’d cost to move all my shit 1.5k miles away.

I guess all I can do right now is keep working at my part time, minimum wage job and looking for other work and thinking of ways to do the stuff I want to do. Part of me wants to sell most of my posessions and use the money to buy a VW Bus and just go off on a drive and look for work in whatever town I’m in when I run out of gas or when the bus breaks down. Or maybe I’d sell my shit and buy a one way greyhound bus ticket.

I guess I’m restless, not really sure what I want or where I want to go, but I know I can’t stay here forever. And that’s not even about the fact that I’m 26 and still can’t afford to move out of my parents’ house, it’s about this area. I mean, I grew up in Iowa and I love it, but I need to go somewhere else.