Day 111.

I was going to look up song lyrics to use for today’s entry, but I’m going to wait for a day that isn’t 111 to do that. Lol.

Don’t ask. I’m in a really loopy mood right now.

So, today I spent all day at my grandparents’ house with my mom and dad. It was great fun.

Mom and I went to the general store to buy tapioca, and some candy like always. We went to the grocery store where I got a flavor of Peace Tea that I’d never tried before (their tea+lemonade; it was really quite good. I’ve got some of it left in an old water bottle). The only qualm I have with those guys is you can’t reclose the container so you either have to pour it into a bottle or something, or you  have to drink the whole thing at once. LOL

Okay. Anyway. My grandma is a laugh riot. She really is. Today she was talking about some restaurant buffet where they serve chicken, and she was going on about how there were no chicken legs in the thing, so I guess she told the cook, or a different worker “Well don’t your chickens have legs around here?” and it was the funniest thing ever. My grandma is really assertive, she doesn’t seem to take anyone’s bullshit and she’ll come out and say things that most people wouldn’t. It’s hilarious.

I ate too much at her house, as always, although I restrained myself fairly well.

We ate a small dinner which was more like a snack and then we drove home.

Grandma sent some old coffee cups and some saucers home with us, which we didn’t really intend to keep (we’ll be donating them to the second hand store), and she also gave me some sort of flowering plant. It doesn’t have any flowers on it right now but if it gets a decent amount of sun it should be fine.

When we got home and were getting things out of the trunk, dad stepped on my left big toe so hard the nail cracked in two places and started bleeding so that was fun. It was probably my fault for being in the way, but it was like “GAH! DO NOT WANT”.

Despite that, after we put stuff in the house, I decided it was nice enough out and that there was enough light left to go for a bike ride. Dad bought donuts and in anticipating of eating one I figured I should do a little exercising. A little more than mom and I walking uptown (in the town where my grandma lives) to get stuff.

Anyway. Onward with the food. Dad is on the other computer so until he decides to log off I won’t be able to mess with any of my art blog pictures for today.

Breakfast:
+A bowl of crunchy nut cereal (the flakes, not the cheerio type ones)

Lunch:
+Sliced ham, with scalloped potatoes. Also, some veggie salad with broccoli, cauliflower, carrot strips, that sort of thing. Also, some apples and tapioca. If you’ve never had apples and tapioca, you’re totally missing out.

Then we had bars… the sort with fruit swirled in them. Tasty.

Dinner:
+Ham salad on crackers. I had some more apples and tapioca. And a handful of potato chips.

Also, I had a few gummy worms, some gummy peach rings, a few of these sesame sticks we like to get from the general store, and when we got home I had a donut.

I’m off to listen to random songs and wait for dad to log off the other computer so I can upload today’s art blog pictures.

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Day 110.

I apologize to you once again, 1 and a half blog readers that I have. Today’s entry is going to once again lack any sort of enthusiasm.

I spent a large part of my day sitting with a heating pad on my back, to try and combat my terrible cramps. They’re not as terrible as they were just a few months ago, but they’re still a force to be reckoned with if they hit me when I’m not expecting it.

My mood swing of choice today was rage. I spent a large portion of today being able to fly into a rage at the slightest little provocation; sometimes over completely insignificant things.

It’s moods like this that make me seriously consider looking up an anger management class. I’ve noticed that about myself. It’s not so bad during the other three weeks of the month, but that one… they get kind of bad. Never bad enough to break anything, to hit anyone, or any of that crazy shit, but it does make me a pain in the ass, even to myself. Not to mention how damn cynical and all around bitchy I am.

If you know me you know how cynical/how huge of a bitch I am anyway, but it just gets 1000 times worse during that time of the month.

And then there’s the crippling depressed mood swings. I’ll get this idea that I’m not worth anything, whatsoever, and that all my friends hate me and don’t care about me, and that anything I’ve ever created has all been bullshit… and it would be so much easier on everyone if I could just disappear from their lives and move into some homeless shelter somewhere.

Thankfully, I’ve avoided that mood swing for the most part, but today just hasn’t been fun.

Anyway. Let’s get on with the food. I still have an art blog entry to write.

Breakfast:
+Kashi cereal we got on sale at target. It was like… blueberry puff something or other. Can’t remember.

Lunch:
+A piece of thin meat (I think it was minute steak or some shit like that. Dad cooked it. I didn’t think to ask him) and some pretzels with hummus.

Dinner:
Cooked noodles, with a little bit of shredded cheddar, and some chopped green onion. I’ve discovered I really like green onion. They’re damn cheap at the grocery store too.

I also had a few little pieces of mozzerella, some more pretzels, some jellybeans/juju bunny candies. I also had some large marshmallows.

Now I’m off to write that art blog entry, put a few new songs on my mp3 player, and then hop in bed to read a bit.

Day 109.

I’m sorry guys. This entry isn’t going to be particularly peppy.

It seems again that I have entered into that oh so blissful week of chocolate/caffeine cravings, bloating, and cramps that I’m ever so fond of.  Right now I’ve also got a particularly thrilling headache and general grogginess to accompany my crampage. Times like this are the only times I’m glad I don’t have a job because there’s no way I’d be able to get anything productive done right now.  I feel disgusting.

I also think I have some degree of PMDD or something. I mean. I know a bit of moodiness is normal around that time of the month but… I don’t know. For a while now I just feel weird a few days before I get pms.

I just get a weird feeling like nothing is quite real, I get pretty spacy. I have trouble concentrating on some things and I just get an overwhelming sense of fatigue. Suddenly the simple act of doing a sinkful of dishes seems almost impossible. And my moods… Damn.  Usually the anger one is worse. I’ll get into that mood where the tiniest little thing sends me into a shouting, swearing rage.

I could go on but I really don’t fucking feel like it. I’m tired and in pain, and I still have a fucking art blog entry to put up that I REALLY don’t feel like goddam dealing with, so let’s get on with this shit so I can get it over with.

Breakfast:
+ Hot cereal

Lunch:
+A small piece of meat (I think it was cube steak or some shit like that, can’t remember) with some mashed potatoes.

Dinner:
+A ham sandwich, with some mozzerella cheese and lettuce. I also had two hard boiled egg whites (I threw the yolks away), and some cheesy puffcorn.

Now, during the day, when my cramps were particularly awful, I got the munchies really bad. I ate some hummus on taco chips, and also probably like ten large marshmallows. And a package of fruit snacks.

That was a few hours before dinner.

After dinner, I had three stingy scoops of ice cream with some chocolate magic shell stuff on top. It was very tasty but soon after that my stomach just felt weird. Not because of the food, I don’t think, because my stomach always feels sort of weird during that time of the month, but… ugh. This stupid headache (which is probably more a result of my allergies), lightheaded feeling, this groggy bullshit, I just have no energy whatsoever.

I was, for a fleeting moment or two, considering getting up at three or four a.m. to watch part of the royal wedding, but there is no way in hell I’m going to give  a shit about that in the middle of the night. Not if I feel as shitty then as I do now.

I dunno. I’m not going to set an alarm for it or anything, but if I wake up and feel okay, I might go watch part of it. The more likely option, though, is just going to be me watching a replay of it later. Yeah… maybe it’s important or something but it’s not going to hurt me any if I don’t watch it live.

Anyway, off to throw together an art blog entry so I can go to bed. I feel like shit.

Day 108.

Hello kids. Today has been… weird. I spent part of it feeling groggy and like crap, and the other half feeling… okay. Not bad, not good. Just… there.

I finished a book about two guys who drove across the country in a van powered by french fry grease, and I started one that mom brought home from the library book sale; about this sort of rich older author chick who kind of goes undercover, working low wage jobs (starting at $6 an hour; it was before the minimum wage was raised), trying to make ends meet.

It’s really interesting. She basically says she has the best possible starting circumstances and even she is having trouble surviving.

I suppose it’s different because she knows this is an experiment and, should she fail, she has her real home and real author work to fall back upon, but it’s very interesting. I can relate to her work in restaurants. While I’ve never been a waitress, I have friends that have, and I’ve washed dishes, so I see waitresses behind the scenes. I can also somewhat relate to her work as a housekeeper, although I was only at that for a couple months.

Anyhoo, let’s move on.

Breakfast:
+A bowl of cereal, although I was seriously tempted to eat mashed potatoes.

Lunch:
+Noodles, with this awesome creamy mushroom sauce I made using a recipe in our old Better Homes and Gardens cookbook.

Dinner:
+Egg salad (three egg whites,  only using two of the yolks) with the last roll leftover from our easter dinner.

Also, today I had a few really big grapes (my mom bought seeded grapes by accident), a cupcake,  two graham crackers with a little bit of chocolate frosting and peanut butter on them (and I mean a little; I held myself back quite a bit), and a small piece of mozzerella cheese. And a tiny candy bunny, and one malted milk egg.

I also probably worked out for 20 minutes, using a step. Well. We have this step thing my dad built out of wood which looks more like a giant drawer. At the time he built the workout step, we had a futon for a couch, which we stored workout equipment and the like underneath. His idea was that mom could just pull it out from under the futon.

It just ends up sliding around though, so we have half an old yoga mat to put underneath it.

I also used the hand weights during my little step workout thinger. The weather was too cold and overcast to bike in or I’d have just gone for a bike ride or two.

Well, I’m off to submit today’s art blog entry.

PS: I promise I’ll get back to using song lyrics or relevant sayings as the titles for these things, but I’m too lazy for that right now.

Day 107

Okay kids. I wanted to have my art blog entry for today up already, but this computer can’t upload pictures that are any bigger than like, 1MB. I have two pictures that take up 7MB each that I need to upload. I tried uploading one to photobucket, and got to like, 23 percent before my internet connection dropped.

Anyway. The reason I haven’t gone over to our other computer to upload the pictures because dad is currently using it, and is taking a good goddam long time checking his email. Which I suppose gives me time to write this entry. Still. I was lazy and felt weird today so I kept putting off uploading today’s pictures. Which I should stop doing.

Anyway. Onward with this blog.

Breakfast:
+Blueberry oatmeal, with a tiny bit of sugar (it was too bland without a little sprinkle of sugar)

Lunch:
+Leftover party ham casserole, with a few slices of cheese.

Dinner:
+Some ham, and three hard boiled egg whites, with some salt. (Not gonna lie, I had to stop and think for a few minutes before I remembered that, lol)

In addition, I had two cupcakes (but no cookies) and a little bit of candy. Also, the last piece of plum cake, which was beginning to get stale.

Today was a really strange day. I know that time of the month is coming up because I always get this detached, “the lights are on but nobody’s home” sort of unreal feeling a little while beforehand. I also didn’t feel that great today. My knees have been killing me all day. My back, while it didn’t hurt as much as it did last night,  was still not feeling the greatest today.

I feel really guilty about not exercising today. I want to blame the two bike rides I went on and the hand weights I lifted yesterday, but I don’t think that was it. I went on a walk with my mom and brother on Sunday, and I think I have that to blame.  I wore old sandles, and my brother and mother walk way too fast for me. So the whole time I felt like I was power walking and damn near jogging just to keep up with them.

I have told them that walking distances 1 mile or longer hurts me a lot more than riding my bike, which is why I favor bike riding.

Mom of course had to put her two cents in about how “you should walk more it uses different muscles blahblahblah”.

It may use different muscles but it always hurts me a lot more than bike riding. Surprisingly enough, it kills my knees more than riding a bike. I think because my legs always feel kind of heavy. So I kind of feel like I’m dragging my legs and feet and my knees don’t like to bend as much as they’re supposed to.

Also, walking hurts my back a lot more. Probably because lately that back strain I got as a hotel housekeeper in 2007 has been acting up a lot lately. Admittedly, it hasn’t flared up as bad as it has before (twice before it’s gotten so bad I had to get a prescription muscle relaxant).

I should explain my back issue. It’s not really with my back at all, but my left thigh bone (or whatever it’s called) does not move around freely in the hip socket. I can’t remember exactly what the doctor told me, but I do remember him suggesting an xray and physical therapy. Neither of which I have gotten or could afford for that matter.

I’m not complaining because I can usually function, but I have problems staying up on my feet for a long time. We’re talking three or more hours at a time without being able to sit.

Which could pose a problem with potential employers. I mean sure, I’m not going to say that straight up in the interview, but they’re going to find out if they hire me and put me to work.

I think the first step is, spend less time on the computer. My computer is situated in a weird spot towards the side of a desk, not in the middle…because this desk is my dad’s desk and he has recurring phases in which he wants to “move this computer somewhere else and take his desk back”. Which just results in me completely cleaning off his desk, just to have him not take it back, so then all my stuff eventually ends up back on the desk.

Anyway, I can see I’ve started the nonsensical rambling I’m none too fond of, so I’m going to end this entry and wait for dad to finish up using the other goddam computer, so I can upload my two pictures for today’s art blog entry.

Day 106

Well kids, it’s day 106, and I went for two bike rides and I lifted some hand weights while walking in place.

It hurts to lift my arms. XD

Which makes me feel better about the sweets I ate today.

I’m not really in the mood for a bunch of chatter, so let’s get on with it and get out of here.

Breakfast:
+Malt o meal. (hot cereal)

Lunch:
+Some ham, mashed potatoes, and a roll.

Dinner:
+Party ham casserole.

I also had.. I want to say four cookies. Had two cupcakes. Some grapes. And a bit of candy.

I know. Today sucked.

But I did go on two bike rides, and lifted hand weights. My arms, legs, and back hurt. Because I also spent an hour and a half dashing around the kitchen cooking dinner.

Tomorrow, I’ll try to go for two more rides. Or just one big long bike ride. As well as perhaps lifting the hand weights at home again.

If my back is feeling better tomorrow I want to try a new workout dvd my mom just bought last week.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to pour myself a very large glass of water, and then get on with updating my art blog.

Have a good night.

Day 105.

Uh… yeah. I’ve eaten too much today. I did go on a walk with my mom and brother, who walk too damn fast, and I did just manage ten minutes on the exercise bike but… it’s pretty safe to say that I need to kick exercising into high gear tomorrow.

I’ve been doing fairly well, but with all this candy, and the treats around the house… I’m going to need to get off my fat lazy butt and exercise.

Which is easier said than done, unfortunately. It’s easy to be all gung ho about this stuff when it starts tomorrow, but when tomorrow actually gets here, it’s more of a challenge.

Still. I’m going to stick with it. My mom starts work again tomorrow after the three day weekend, and my dad is driving my brother back to college, so I’ll have a few hours in the morning to get some chores done around the house, and outside. I figure I can have the morning to get some things done (and maybe do a dvd workout), and then when dad gets back home, I could go for a bike ride.

If it’s too cold tomorrow I’ll just do indoor workouts. I’ll be doing at least a couple hours of exercising, if not more.

Today was fun. We ate a big lunch consisting of ham, mashed potatoes, rolls, and corn. I didn’t have any of the sweet potatoes. Also we’ve been eating cookies and some candy throughout the day so… yeah. Today was fun but I feel kind of guilty about how much I’ve eaten. I did much better than I would have just a few months ago, but… I still feel bad.

Anyway.

Breakfast:
+Cereal.

Lunch:
+Ham, some corn, some mashed potatoes, a roll.

Several cookies, a cupcake, candy… I didn’t keep track of exact numbers. I didn’t gorge myself but I did eat more than I normally do. Which I feel really bad about.

My back and feet are killing me right now, and I’m tired, or I would probably still be exercising.

I’m going to end this entry because I have started to ramble and I’m not really making sense. Also I’ve got some fucking clothes to fold that I REALLY do not want to fuck around with right now but will just so mom won’t be able to bitch at me about putting them off.