Whatever.

Not gonna lie, I’ve had a pretty shitty couple of weeks.

Let’s see. Starting the week before last.
First, I have a huge anxiety attack on what is supposed to be my first day at a new job and they send me home after only an hr and a half. Told me that I absolutely needed my birth certificate b4 I started rly bc if I’d worked there 3 days and still didn’t have it they’d have had to fire me.

So then I buy 2 different prepaid credit cards to try to buy it over the phone or online and one is four bucks short of having the right amount (bc as it turns out the lady at supposed new job told me wrong price) and the other gets declined 5x despite having enough money on it.

So then I decide to make a 2 and a 1/2 hour drive 1way to just order/pick it up in person, and 1 & a half hrs into the drive the car stalls and will not start again, complete with smoke or steam pouring out from under the hood.

So I have to make phone calls about it and end up having my dad’s aunt have to drive to the middle of the country looking for me on the interstate.

So, with some more phone calls and shit the plan is for me to stay at dad’s aunts house (shes cool but I already felt bad about the car and shit). So I end up only having like 3 shirts with me and no extra undies or pants,  and I end up without my meds.

The one med I had already been without for a day bc I forgot to pick up my refill so on Sunday of  hell week, I’ve been without my one med for 5 days, and I’ve been without my other med for 4 days, and I could definitely feel it with all the subtlety of being hit by a freight train.
Then, 2 days into unplanned stay at dads aunts, I get my fuckin period.

So that’s just the week before last. Last week on Monday I called the place to let them know I had my birth certificate and they told me they already filled the position.

Now? I have a 90 dollar electric bill coming due soon because I didn’t pay it last month, and I have an internet bill due, and I’ve only paid half of my portion of the rent this month (section 8 pays most) and my current job didn’t schedule me at all this week,  but I see several positions at the restaurant  (including the job I was hired as) on the job search website I use.

Nevermind current events. A hurricane, another hurricane, the western US is on fire, preisdent shit for brains and the program for Dreamers, an earthquake in Mexico….fuck’s sake, I’m honestly losing my will to live,  here. What’s the fucking point? I thought I was a good person but shit keeps happening and I just don’t see the point if it’s all gonna be shit. I’m always gonna be poor and struggling, working shit jobs, self isolating because I feel disgusting and too weird to be with anyone, like it wouldn’t be fair to expect someone else to deal with my insane bullshit, dating or otherwise. I’ll probably never date anyone else my entire life like the disgusting piece of boring shit I am. Why doesn’t anything ever get better?